BTR Rogue
by Stuck1nTh3Middle
Summary: DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA! the longest drabble! JamesxOC KendallxOC. SO MUCH DRAMA! T for Attempted suicide and Self harm and abuse in later chapters. lotta fluff. lotsa lotsa fluff...
1. Chapter 1

"Dude, you stare at her picture, you write about her, you have pictures with her, just tell her!"

"No way! She'd laugh at me! She'd think I'm bloody ridiculous!" he yelled

"Dude! She'd be happy! Calm the hell down" I laughed

"How do you know? Did you say something to her?" James glared.

"No. It's just common sense. Do you want me to find out from her friends what she'd say?"

"Yes! Please man yes!" James shouted, jumping over the top of the couch and grabbing my arms. "Kendall, you gotta do this for me!"

"Calm down and I will!" I laughed, that's how I ended up where I am now. Standing in front of three girls who used to be friends with Cami, and asking the world's most ridiculous question.

"Hey girls, James wants to know if Cami likes anyone, any ideas." I asked, fighting to stay pale in the face.

"Yeah she likes someone, she likes someone in the band" they said...thanks girls, very useful, NOT.

"Okay, thanks" I said, walking off to find Cami herself. Wow this is too much like a movie. When I found her, she stood, Red hair hanging down her back freely, black cargo pants and red t-shirt, arms crossed. She told me that she liked James...freaky...i took the report back to James, he was ecstatic.

"Really?"

"Yes man, really"

"How can you tell?"

"She had her arms crossed and she had that look on her face"

"This one?" he asked, mimicking the pout Cami had on her face when she told the truth.

"Yeah, now never do that again. You look ridiculous when you do."

"Whatever, she likes me!"

"Yes, now go and talk to her so you can shut up!"

"Wait...talk to her...you mean, like, face to face?"

"Yes face to face, Cami's cronies aren't great messengers you know"

"True..."

"I still don't see why you like her, she's vicious" I joked.

"Meaning she can look after herself, we had a heart to heart in detention the other week; she told me all this stuff. She told me that this whole 'tough girl' thing is fake, it's just a mask she uses to avoid being picked on for being weak. Because she says she actually is. She's a normal girl, she's not prissy, she's not a tomboy, she's normal. She loves her family and her pets, she lives for music, she hates school, cause let's face it, who doesn't? She sings, she dances, but she's too scared to let anyone see the real her...she told me..."

**James' POV**

_(Flashback)_

_Detention...so boring._

"_So what're you in for?"_

"_Defending myself against a bigger dude" she smirked, tossing her long red hair over her shoulder._

"_I don't know why I'm in here"_

"_I do, someone wrote your name on the wall in the bathrooms, therefore they thought it was you, ta-da"_

"_You know, you act so tough, but you don't really look the part, why is that?" I said, trying to change the topic._

"_Swear you'll never open your mouth about this again and I'll tell you" she hissed, the teacher motioned for us to quiet down._

"_I swear" I whispered._

"_As a little girl I used to get picked on because I loved music, I loved to dance, my favourite thing to do was sing, but I was little and pink. I'd get called little piggy because of the pink shirts mum would send me to school in, and whenever they picked on me I squealed. One day a couple of the kids who messed with me cornered me...they...they beat me up, for two days I was in hospital on a drip. I couldn't remember my own name for a couple of days. But when I remembered everything I swore two things, one: I would toughen up and two: I swore I would get them back. I'm still partially injured because of that. I was told I would never fully heal. They beat me with ropes as whips and pelted me with rocks, one even had a switchblade. He cut my shoulder and beat my back, I still have the scars, and I'm partially injured because one of them hit a weak point and snapped a piece of bone in my ankle, slicing a vein open. I can't run properly since, that's why I don't do p.e. I always fight off potential bullies now because I don't want to do that ever again. It just wasn't worth the trouble. Inside I'm still that little girl fighting for survival" she grimaced._

_(End flashback)_

I always wondered why she had opened up to me. Maybe it was plaguing her for so long she just had to tell someone. I wasn't really shocked. I had secrets that plagued me that I would be able to hold in to a certain extent, but everyone had their breaking points. Thinking about her, the image of what she used to look like popped into my head. A younger, happier, smiling brown haired child on a motorbike for a person her height. She was ten in that picture. Eight years had gone by since those days. Those pictures hung on her locker door, I had seen them. She had explained them to me, the motorbike was a gift from her father, who loved his motorbikes and seeing as they had near a farm, he saw no reason why his youngest daughter shouldn't have one. She had clearly loved it. She still rode motorbikes, she had a black Kawasaki ninja designed for speed, it was awesome, and it looked like it was sharp, because instead of curves, it had straight lines like plane wings. It had a couple of stickers on it, but they didn't make the bike any less awesome, one was a cartoon skeleton that had a speech bubble that read '_watch it mother __fucker__'_ and everyone knew what word the permanent marker hid. Another one (my personal favourite) was a gothic sort of type of sticker that read 'Big Time Rush' so she clearly liked our music, not that she looked like she wouldn't, just her attitude made you think otherwise...

Sitting by the pool in my swimmers, I spotted that gleam. The gleam of red that I knew so well. Cami had arrived. She wore a black skull print rash shirt and regular blue swimmer shorts that went at least half way down her thighs. She had her iPod in, and her lips were moving. I listened closely and heard her singing along to 'Halfway There'. The song we had released last week. It was at least nine at night and the sun was down, so she figured no one else was there, she began to sing louder. She was actually a really powerful singer. When she took the headphones out of her ears and jumped in the pool, I moved to sit at the edge of the pool, letting my bare feet hang in the warm water. She surfaced after I made this move. She didn't shriek or panic. She just swam to the edge I sat on and said calmly "trying to scare me?"

"Figured I should make myself known before I was branded a stalker"

"Good move"

"So what brings you to the pool?"

"It's a place to drown your sorrows without alcohol, at least, that's what Nan always said" she smiled. The warm breeze caused ripples in the water, almost as if emphasizing her sentence. I smiled at her optimism.

"Well, I guess your Nan was right. I won't argue with that, but what sorrows?"

"The same things I told you about constantly come back to bite me in the ass. Those three boys that bashed me found me today. They kept calling me the same things they used to call me, one even slapped me. That's nothing though because in return I gave him a bloody nose and warned the other two that they would get worse if they didn't leave. They followed me home. Now they know where I live, with my sister and her husband. Sara is a nice person, we have our moments, but she and her husband would do anything to keep me safe. My niece needs a babysitter, so we compromise, I look after Kayla, and they let me stay." She explained. I just let her talk, not wanting to be rude plus not wanting to add to her troubles. She seemed more at ease when she finished talking.

"You know, you can always come and stay with us if they find you"

"I might just have to take you up on that, they won't stop till they get what they want, and I won't let them send me back to hospital, but I can't get a restraining order without my parents for two years, then when I turn nineteen I can get one, but my parents won't let me so I have to wait until my birthday. I just have to hope they don't find me before then" this girl really talked when she had trouble on her tail, one of the things I loved. She wasn't as violent as she seems to be. She'll fight in self defence but otherwise she's almost a pacifist. I don't blame her, violence is corrupt, and it just plain sucks. I slid into the warm water, getting sick of the cold air, and rested my arms on the side of the pool. She sunk under the water and took me with her. I took a deep breath and submerged. She smiled at me under the water. I smiled back. The water was really clear, the only blur was the unnatural feeling on my eyes, but otherwise it was easy to see. I surface and she followed.

"What was the point of that?" I laughed.

"It was cold, I was bored, the timing was right, and so I went for it. I must say, your legs are freakishly hairless for an eighteen year old." She chuckled.

"Thanks...i think" I smiled, I knew that my legs were weird, I had been told that by several people, but it ran in the family. I crawled out of the water and ran to the diving blocks. Cami wasn't far behind me. I stumbled when I climbed atop one, but I held my balance. She clambered onto the one next to me. She turned her head to face me.

"Race ya to the other end?"

"And back?"

"You're on" she smiled.

"3..."

"2..." she counted

"1!" we shouted in unison. We charged through the water, her in front, me kicking as hard as I could through the bubbly water. the bubbles whooshed past my face and I touched the tiles on the other side of the pool, using them to propel myself in the other direction, for a second I was in the lead, but I forgot she plays dirty, she elbowed my side, not hard enough to hurt me but enough to push me off course. She continued past me and I retorted, grabbing her ankle. She pulled me back on course and I continued to swim, we were neck and neck, I pulled my head out of the water before I touched the wall, only to see her already sitting on the concrete side of the pool.

"Cheat" I laughed.

"It's my job" she smiled back. A simple smile reflected on the water from her face. I rarely got to see her smile like this, so I enjoyed the moment. Something I didn't understand, Kendall says Cami likes me, but Cami's just so independent, she doesn't seem to like anyone or want anyone, but she claims she does.

"I was told by Kendall that you like someone. You always act independent, like you don't want to like someone, so how exactly does that work?" I asked, praying she knew what I meant.

"Well, it's complicated, but I'm only eighteen, life is complicated, just like the three fuck-it-eers. Sorry for swearing, but anyway. I guess I don't know what I want, but my head seems to think it does. So it just pulls you towards someone, you know what I mean?" I nodded, she continued "and mine pulls me towards that certain someone, and I feel like I can be open with them."

"Just like you are with me, why are you so open with me? You're never open to anyone else, so from what you just said..."

"Don't laugh; most people do when they find out. Just don't."

"I don't know why I would, I'm not that insensitive. But, no offence, why me?"

"You understand, you don't mock me like other people do, you actually want to help me when I need it. That's more than anyone else has ever done for me except for Kendall and Sara" she frowned. Her life must have really sucked.

"What about your parents?"

"Sure they fed and clothed me, but my dad constantly told me I was the biggest mistake he ever made and my mum told me my dad was a filthy liar. They got divorced a while after and life was good, until I put up the tough front, then I got further apart from my mum, my sister living with my dad and all, I had no one to talk to. I gave up. I hung out in my room, mum sent me to counselling for self harm and depression, even though I wasn't cutting, I just hated it because she took the stress of the divorce out on me, and her pregnancy wasn't helping. I have a dead little sister, a married older sister, and a mother who doesn't understand, so I'm a pretty solitary person, don't ya think?"

"I wouldn't have even come close to guessing that from looking at you. But, why was your mum pregnant?"

"My dad and my mum had a drunk one night stand, never seen each other since, dad doesn't know about Brooklyn, enough said"

"Brooklyn?"

"Miscarried baby girl"

"Oh."

We talked, I learned her life story she learned mine, mine was way happier than hers, she had been addicted to self-harm for a while, but she stopped that. She was fine now. Much happier. I wondered why, after learning the gruesome truth, I still liked her.

I left for a day at college the next day, I saw her the next day.

"Hey Cami"

"Hey Jay"

"Jay?"

"Easier than James"

"Oh, how you holding up?"

"Fine actually, I slept better than I had in ten years last night after finally getting all of that off my chest." She smiled; I noticed her cheek was shiny. I stepped closer and wiped her cheek. Foundation coated my thumb.

"Brandon and Cameron found you didn't they?" I asked.

"And Blake. They did that with a baseball bat." She confessed.

"I'm guessing there's worse." I grimaced.

"23 stitches and twelve hours later, here I am"

"Stitches?"

"Broken bottles, switch blade and a gun"

"They shot you?"

"Hit me over the head and broke the skin with it actually"

"You're going home"  
>"actually, I'm not. I was told to stay in public areas so I can get help if they find me again. They're gonna keep beating me. They told me"<p>

"Where were you when they found you?"

"My sister's place"

"You're staying with me. I don't care if you're against it, you are staying with me"

"They would see that coming. They expect me to run. They won't expect me to stay where they attacked me. I'm staying with Sara"

"I have a bodyguard; he won't let anyone touch you"

"Neither would Chris"

"Chris?"

"My brother in law"

"I'm staying with you then"

"Fine"

"Good" the conversation ended abruptly.

"You want to see the stitches don't you?" she chuckled

"A little" I confessed, staring at my feet.

"Come on" she said, taking my hand and leading me to a disabled bathroom on the premises. She lifted the back of her shirt, revealing the scratches and the one long gash creating a halved effect on her skin, continuing the scar on her shoulder. She would return the favour I knew, but I didn't know how long she could keep this up. She was tough, but she can't take this punishment forever. No one can.


	2. Chapter 2

**2 weeks later**

Standing in the loft that was her sister's house, I was shocked. Her sister had a great place, and the little girl, Kayla, was so funny. She was about five. She loved her dolls, but not the way a normal little girl did, she would play this little game called 'Let's kill Barbie'. She literally did all she could to destroy the doll. She hung several out the window and dropped them, laughing when some of them lost their heads from getting their hair caught on a flag pole on the side of the building. Cami loved to help her. Apparently Sara, who was 24, was 5 months pregnant again so this stay was going to be pretty weird. Sara and Chris had a bet against Cami. I was brought into the bet; obviously I was on Cami's side. The winners got to pick the name of the baby.

"Nuh-uh no way, this baby's gonna be a girl"

"No way little sis, this kid has the feet of a soccer playing boy" Sara laughed, holding her barely swollen stomach as evidence.

"So when do you find out?" I asked

"We were thinking about waiting till _He's_ born" Chris said, looking at Cami

"Awesome. Exciting isn't it"

"You have no idea" Sara smiled.

"And when _she's_ born, I call sitting for the girls." Cami piped up again.

"Do we still have to pay you?" Chris laughed, sipping his coffee.

"Just five bucks and an additional dollar an hour"

"Your rates went up" Sara accused.

"How else will I make a living?" Cami laughed. I've never seen her so loose. Then again, I've never seen her wear white, but she was wearing a white shirt and deep purple jeans. I was quiet for most of the conversation. I felt like a bit of an intruder but they had welcomed me like I was one of the family.

"You know Cami talks about you a lot. She says you're a really nice guy, and you and your friends defend her at school"

"Chris!" Cami hissed.

_(Flashback. Cami's POV)_

_The pain in my arm blistered, and my leg was so sore I could hardly limp, but they continued to attack. I heard Blake brace for the blow, but it never came. Instead I heard a slight grunt of effort in front of me and looked to see four figures standing in front of me as I leaned in the corner, using the wall for support while I held my injured arm._

"_Leave her alone" Kendall spat, holding Blake's Fist._

"_Why? She's a spoilt little bitch, it's about time she learned her place" Brandon accused falsely._

"_You are looking to lose teeth kid" James threatened. _

"_What makes you think you know her? What has she ever done to you?" Logan asked, his tone slightly menacing._

"_She sent us to court for assault she can't prove. Now my family is broke, all because of that skank"_

"_You shut your mouth, she has proof, the scar on her shoulder and the injury in her leg is proof enough. And if you don't watch yourself, I'll send the three of you back." James hissed, turning to help me, he put his arm under my uninjured arm and helped to support me while I limped. I winced with every step._

"_Brandon, Cameron, Blake" I said, my voice shaking I was in so much pain "I swore I would get you back for hurting me, every punch, every puncture in my skin, every scar I wear, is another day you will suffer my revenge". I limped past them, James and the boys helping me to my car. James took my keys from my pocket and tossed them to Logan, who then opened the passenger side door for me. I carefully sat on the seat and checked my injuries, my leg would be alright in a few days, maybe a few weeks, I shrugged my jacket off and peered at my arm. A long cut stretched partway around my arm and had been bleeding profusely under my jacket, half my arm was covered in smudged blood. _

"_Dammit" I hissed to myself. I went to the glove-box of my car, the band still watching me, and I took a bandage out. Wrapping it around my arm, the boys were still sceptical._

"_Are you alright?" Kendall asked_

"_I'm fine, just sore and bruised" I said._

"_I'm driving you home" Logan stated. _

"_Do you know where to go?" James asked him._

"_Our building" Carlos told Logan._

"_Yeah I know" Logan said. I swung my uninjured leg into the car and carefully picked my other leg up, placing it in the car. James closed the door, I opened the window._

"_Just a sec, I need to grab something from the van" Logan said to me, Kendall went with him. James leaned through the window._

"_It's amazing how one girl can be so much trouble!" he smiled._

"_It's amazing how one boy can save that troublesome girl's life so many times" I smiled back weakly. Our eyes met. Seconds felt like days, and soon after our eyes met, our lips followed suit..._

_(End flashback, back to James's POV)_

Remembering what had happened and what we did, I smiled. Cami rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't object. I had been keeping her safe here since that attack. The stupid thing, even though we had kissed, I still couldn't find the words to tell her how I felt. It was impossible to do, I needed my boys to help me, but I couldn't let them. It was a personal matter and they had helped me with it enough already. I had to cut them out of the picture for a little while. I had completely zoned out of the conversation.

"By the way Chris, I graduated high-school last year; the bastards came after me when they found out what college we go to"

"Hey, language! Through all the skin and blood _He_ can still hear you" Sara warned, holding her hands on either side of her built in balloon as it had ears.

"I'm pretty sure _she _won't mind that much if I don't say it again, but honestly, that's what they are. Brandon is in the technical term"

"He was born before his parents were married?"

"Born before his parents even realised he existed" Cami spat.

"How is that even possible?"

"His parents spent most of the pregnancy wasted and stoned"

"That explains so much" I muttered.

"Heard that" Chris said.

"Oops" I chuckled.

"You're probably right" Cami said "I mean, alcohol and drugs are a hazard to babies, so he's probably so messed up because of that"

"True" Sara said.


	3. Chapter 3

Four months later

He was still waiting for me. Every week, at the same time every Wednesday, he would call in the radio station. I always expected it. When I was finally released after the fourth months of treatment and rehab, plus court and other complications, somehow only Brandon was put away, the other two got off with a warning. I immediately boarded the next plane home. No one even knew where I had been taken; I didn't even know where I was. The plane ride was long; I had nothing to take with me. I was only on the flight because I had made friends with a few of the nurses and they heard James on the radio every week.

_(Flashback)_

_"Happy birthday. He needs you sweetheart"_

_"I need him too. But I can't get to him until I'm out of here"_

_"Well, we're helping. Take this" she said, and out of her pocket she produced a small wad of cash._

_"It's a thousand dollars, it'll pay for your fares home and will also get you some lunch and clothing that isn't from the hospital lost and found. Take it"_

_"I can't take this Jane-"_

_"James needs you, Cami. Plus it's your birthday. And if you really need him, you'll take the money and go home" Jane told me, enunciating the last two words. So I took the money, hugged Jane, and got the next flight home_

_(End flashback)_

I was finally home. I had my phone in my pocket, which was out of battery, so I took a cab. I went to the bathrooms first. I looked in the mirror. I wasn't the same Cami. My hair was at least two inches longer, so I took a pair of scissors from the counter, not caring what had been on them, and cut the layers back into my hair and chopped the two extra inches off. I wiped my face over with a wet paper towel. I looked normal after the half hour in that airport bathroom. I took a cab to the building, all of this going so fast I can barely remember details. What I remember is the long walk to the room where I knew James would be. I went up the elevator and knocked on his door. Logan opened it. I covered his mouth and hugged him. It had been so long since I had seen them.

"Logan, is James in there?"

"Yeah, come on. No one else is though; Carlos and Kendall went to the pool. Come on" I followed him. He led me through to a closed door. He held his finger to his lips in the universal quiet sign. He knocked on the door.

"James? It's Logan, you alright in there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" a pain in my chest throbbed when I heard his voice.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah sure" he said. Logan opened the door and sent me through. James wasn't even looking.

"I'm starting to wonder if she's even alive, man"

"She's alive, James, Just look at me" Logan said from the door. James looked up, and his jaw dropped.

"Hey" was all I could think of to say. He leapt of the chair he sat on and wrapped his arms around me. I had missed his warm embrace.

"You have no idea how much I missed you"

"I heard you on the radio, I never missed it. And guess what?"

"What?" he asked; slightly worried.

"This is our someday" I smiled. He smiled back and kissed me.

"So where have you been?" he asked, still in shock. I was on the bed lying parallel to him.

"In hospital and court, I didn't even know what state I was in, all I know is it took me three hours to get from one airport to the stopover, then here in about two hours. And after all the drama in court, only Brandon was put in jail. Cameron and Blake are free to terrorize me. And they've got a vengeance now."

"Well, at least you're back, and we can keep freight train around to protect you...oh boy" he groaned.

"What?"

"Listen" he said simply.

"Nah, I think Carlos made a bigger splash than you" Kendall told Logan, who had joined them down at the pool. A door shut loudly behind them.

"No way. Guys, it's clear the only way to settle this is ask James. It'll get his mind off Cami for a second, so whataya say? Try and get his mind off of her?" Carlos asked.

"I kinda forgot to mention...he's in his room talking to Cami" Logan muttered.

"On the phone?" Carlos asked, I snickered quietly.

"No, in person" Logan said, I could tell he had done it deliberately.

"CAMI!" was all I heard, James threw the cover over me as if it would cushion the blow of the collision and I flinched, two over excited boys crashed into each other in mid-air.

"Guys! Calm down! It's just me!" I cried, shuffling out of the covers which were now pressed down on me from the two boys holding it to the mattress.

"Just you! We've been trying to find you for the past four months!"

"Hold up...four months, why do I feel like that means something?"

"Minor concussion" James murmured to them "still hasn't remembered everything." they nodded.

"Oh crap!" I jumped up "Sara!" James followed me. The boys weren't far behind. Arriving at her apartment a few floors below, the door flew open before I could even get within an arms length of the door.

"It's gonna be fine, we just have to get you to the hospital" Chris was telling Sara.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"James, she's having the baby, can you guys look after Kayla?"

"The three of us can handle Kayla, you two go with them" Kendall told us.

"Two?" Sara asked, finally looking up. I stood there, pale white, unsure of what to do.

"Cami!" she shrieked.

"No time to celebrate just yet, not until this little _girl_ is born" I smiled. We rushed down the hall at as fast a pace that Sara could go.

"You two, go get the car and bring it around front, we'll meet you there" Chris told us. I nodded and took the keys from his outstretched hand. We bolted down the remainder of the hall and smashed the elevator button. I scrambled in and hit the button as if the pressure would make it go faster, which it did not. James and I paced the length of the elevator 29 times before we got to the underground parking lot. I was in too much of a rush to care about how I did things so I clambered into the car and pulled James in. He climbed over the gear-shift and into the passenger seat as I jump started the engine and swung the car towards the exit, going at least ten to twenty miles over the speed limit. As soon as we made it to the front of the building, Sara and Chris stepped out and Chris pulled Sara into the vehicle. I wasted no time in getting to the hospital. Sara and Chris were in their own little world, I was in my own with James as a bystander to my rushed driving. I remembered I wasn't supposed to start driving until next week, but the doctor didn't account for a sister going into labour. Rushing to the emergency lot we were taken in quickly. James and I were left in the waiting room, as boring as that is. We had time to talk.

"So, how much do you remember?" he asked me.

"I didn't forget a lot, what worried them was at the time I had forgotten how to breathe, but that lasted about three minutes, thank the lord for my lungs of a singer, because I was eventually just breathing subconsciously, otherwise I hadn't forgotten anything important. The worst thing was forgetting about my own sister being pregnant, I never forgot about you and Kendall and Logan and Carlos. With all the stuff you guys have done for me, how could i? They are the brothers I always wanted, and you...well, you don't have to try too hard to guess" I smiled. He returned the smile. We waited and talked for about three and a half hours.

"LeBraun?" a nurse called. We stood. She took us through. Sara was bright red in her cheeks and drenched with sweat. She held a baby covered in a green blanket. Chris stared and held his bruised hand, I couldn't help but smile.

"So...?" I asked.

"What are you going to call her?" Chris smiled.

"We won the bet?"

"Yep" Sara smiled.

"I think her first name should be Brooklyn, after the aunty she never met"

"And her middle name should be Cami, after the aunty who will do anything to keep her safe" James smiled, he knew me too well.

"Brooklyn Cami Miller, I like it" Chris smiled. Sara nodded in agreement. The baby in their arms was beautiful. Her hair was a little brown sheet of fluff around her head, her eyes were the deepest green, and her cheeks were so adorably dimpled. James and I left the happy little family to go and tell Kayla what was going on, the poor kid was probably confused. Then again, she's six, can you blame her? I was crushed when I remembered that I was in rehab for her birthday. We drove back to the apartment and found a half broken Barbie on the front step of the building. It had a messed up mono-brow and a moustache drawn on its face. Plus a small pink bike helmet.

"Carlos" we said in unison. We were right, and soon as we stepped through the door we heard a loud cry from the bathroom where the boys and Kayla were shouting "Die Dolly Die!"

"Wow, this kid has them wrapped around her little finger" James chuckled as we walked into the bathroom.

"She gets it from her aunty" I smiled, flipping my hair over my shoulder and picking up the six year old from behind.

"Aunty Cami!" she squealed, wrapping her small arms around my neck in her version of a bear hug. Her hair had grown while I was gone, and she had gotten a bit heavier.

"Have you been killing dollies in the bath-tub again Kayla?"

"Barbie bit me, so I had to kill her" the little girl in my arms said innocently, as if it was obvious.

"Kay, barbie has no teeth, remember what I told you?"

"Barbie's teeth are as fake as her boobs" she recited. The boys all laughed.

"Good girl, Now, go say hi to your Jamie" I told her, crouching down and putting her feet back on the ground. She smiled and turned to see James. She ran squealing over to him and jumped into his arms. Kendall put his hand on my shoulder.

"'Fake as her boobs?'" he questioned.

"What? She was gonna learn sooner or later, just don't tell her mom that I taught her that. She thinks Kayla learned it at day-care" I smiled.

"Right..." he chuckled. I stood watching James and Kayla talking in the doorway. Kayla was giving an in-depth explanation of how Barbie was being mean. James was chuckling inwardly while holding her carefully.

"He was a whole different person while you were gone. He was either out looking for you or he was in his bedroom. He's changed so much already" Logan pointed out.

"Am I the only one that wants to know about the new baby?" Carlos cut in.

"Baby Brooklyn Cami Miller, born and 2:14 pm on the fifteenth of October. I forgot to ask how much she weighs, but she's healthy and adorable." I filled them in. They all nodded and smiled, Logan let the water out of the bathtub and the fully clothed Barbie doll was soon hanging by her hair on a makeshift clothesline that Sara had created in the laundry for delicates. We sat on the couch watching TV, something that was appropriate for Kayla to watch obviously, and we talked.

"Jamie?" James asked with a funny expression on his face. I smiled and nodded.

"Well you are her Jamie" I chuckled.

"Really?" the three boys around us asked.

"Well I do spend loads of time here" James reasoned.

"True" they shrugged.

"You guys are way too in-sync. Do you practice that?"

"Not really, no" Kendall spoke for himself this time.

"Then you guys are really good at that" James said, slightly creeped out. They smiled.

"It's a gift" Logan boasted. Kayla came in the room holding a tightly bound Barbie doll. The doll was bound with little elastic hair ties. One around her wrists, one around her elbows, one around her knees and one around her ankles. And she had very carefully cut a piece of duct tape to fit squarely over the doll's mouth. She marched through the room proudly and hung the doll on the clothesline with the other doll. I smiled. She was learning from her mom. The doll soon hung by her feet and Kayla emerged. We were all mesmerised by the child. She wordlessly stepped into the room, climbed up onto my lap, and fell asleep within seconds. That was when we saw the time. It was nearly midnight. We were expecting that Sara and Chris would stay overnight, so we brought Kayla up to the apartment with us. Her doona and pillows were laid on my bed where I normally slept and she curled up happily, sound asleep. I changed into a pair of flannelette pyjamas and tied my hair into a messy plait as I was used to doing. I never removed my makeup before going to bed, and that wasn't about to start now. I joined James in his room where we continued to talk.

"I can't help but think about how much I missed when I was gone. I know there has to be a lot. You guys aren't normal, that's a fact, so you obviously don't do normal things. So I know I have missed heaps" I grimaced, falling onto the warm sheets. James frowned slightly.

"Nothing interesting happened except for the fact that I wrote that song for you. Otherwise, Logan found a rock in the bottom of the pool, Carlos ran into a wall, and I rarely left my bedroom" he assured me.

"Still, I wish I was there for it. I bet Carlos was even more obsessed with his helmet afterwards. I bet Logan was curious about the rock and tried to find where it came from. It's just the little things you miss" I groaned and stared at a little blue speck on the ceiling, James to my left. He copied my position next to me.

"I know. We all missed the little things about you" he smiled, remembering a conversation.

_(Flashback. James's POV)_

_"I miss her so much, and it's always the little things you never notice that you miss the most, you know?" I mused._

_"I know, I miss the way she would sing to herself when she walked around" Logan recounted._

_"I miss how she wasn't afraid to be stupid. She loved having fun, and looking ridiculous while doing it." Carlos smiled to himself._

_"I miss how she would flick her hair over her shoulder when she was embarrassed." I remembered._

_"I miss how she could solve anything but her own problem. She helped me out on several occasions" Kendall grinned. The picture of the small redhead swirled in my mind. She wasn't necessarily small, just shorter than me. I wasn't about to stop looking for her._

_"She'll turn up man, if she has a say in the matter she'll come back."_

_"I just feel guilty. She told me to run for it when they found her again, she told me to leave...and I feel stupid because I did. I shouldn't have. But I did"_

_"Don't dwell on the past, just remember it like it was a dream...or at least that's what mom always said" Logan recited._

_(End Flashback. Cami's POV)_

He told me the whole thing; I smiled, knowing they had missed me.

"So," he quickly changed the topic "if Kayla has your bed, where were you planning to sleep?"

"I was thinking the couch, maybe with Kendall or Logan" I joked.

"Hahaha. Very funny." He mocked "come on, I'm getting tired." He told me, I crawled under the warm sheet and turned off the light. I was glad to be home.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke at around 3 o'clock in the morning to Kayla pulling on my pant leg.

"Aunty Cami?"

"Mmh?" I groaned quietly, looking for the source of the noise. The six year old stood by my side of the bed. Her little brown eyes shining in the light of the moon coming from a crack in the curtains.

"Kay, what's up kiddo?" I asked her.

"I left my teddy in my room, can you come with me to go and get it?" she whimpered. With those puppy eyes, anything.

"Sure, come on" I yawned a little, but was used to being woken up like this now. James stirred slightly.

"What's going on?" he murmured.

"Kayla forgot something; I'll be back in a few minutes"

"How do you plan on getting in?" he asked.

"I know where they hide the key" I chuckled. I picked Kayla up and held her carefully. Quietly I tip-toed through the hall and down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone by using the elevator. I put Cami down for a moment at her front door and I pulled the top right corner of the door-frame. It came forward a little, and I reached my hand behind the hollow frame, into the little hollowed out section of the wood and pulled the key out by its tag. I pushed the door-frame into place and opened the door.

"Do you know where you left it?" I asked her. She nodded and ran up the steps to go and get it. I scribbled a note for Sara and Chris in case they came straight back here when she returned from the hospital.

_Sara,_

_Kayla is at the boys' apartment with me,_

_She's fine, just decided to have a little sleepover._

_Xx_

_Cami_

Kayla bolted back down the stairs with a giant purple and pink bear in her arms. I smiled as she pressed the star on the bear's belly and the bear's nose and paws lit up and began to change colours. She giggled. I scooped her up and left the note on the kitchen bench. I made sure I locked the door behind us and decided I was too tired to climb the stairs. I let Kayla press the button. She giggled with glee when it lit up. This kid loved her lights. I chuckled and picked her up; creeping into the room again and I closed and locked the door. Kayla was asleep before I put her on the bed. I tucked the blanket around her and let her sleep. I checked the clock on the wall, 3:42 am. I crawled back under the warm sheets with a shiver. Warms arms wrapped around me instantly. I smiled and huddled into his warm chest, I was freezing. He chuckled slightly and sleep took me quickly.

I had no dreams that night. Just a long eerie state of black. Nothing was too different about that. I was used to dreamless nights. What was unusual was waking up at 11:45 am. I normally woke at 8 am. I was refreshed though, and comfortable. James looked slightly cold considering I had most of the blankets bunched around me. He had a corner of the blanket on his feet. I shrugged the blanket off and tossed half of it over to cover him. He relaxed instantly and subconsciously put his arm around me again. Eventually he woke up and I ran my fingers through my hair, attempting to tame it even in the slightest. He smiled and we crawled off of the bed. I got dressed and brushed my hair quickly. James did the same. In the lounge-room, the boys and Kayla were sitting eating breakfast and watching SpongeBob SquarePants. Sometimes I wonder why I still like the show, but SpongeBob is a classic cartoon. We joined them on the couch, tickling Kayla's ribs from behind. She giggled.

"Morning kiddo"

"Morning aunty Cami" she giggled. I jumped over the back of the couch and landed between Kendall and James.

"Someone's energetic" Kendall chuckled.

"Aren't I always this way?" I asked, smiling. They nodded.

"Sort of, you have your moments" Logan called. I smiled. The rest of the morning was spent finding out what each person did while I was missing. Even I considered myself missing because I had no idea where I was. I had checked the plane ticket I bought, nothing, I had typed in the flight number online, nothing. It was beginning to irritate me, as if it was set up so I would never know where I had gone. I tried to let it go but it stuck in my mind, worst of all, you'd think it would be obvious, but it wasn't. No matter where I went in that place I never thought to look for the name of the place until after I left. James and Carlos constantly told me to calm down and let it go, and I thanked god for giving me the talent of being an actor because I faked as if I had let it go. Around mid-afternoon the doorbell rang. Kayla answered it, squealing with delight when she saw her mother, father and Brooklyn on the other side of the door. Brooklyn wasn't pink anymore, thank gosh. She wore an adorable little green jumpsuit and was wrapped and a purple blanket. I made a note to only ever give her purple and green clothing. I took Brooklyn from Sara and let her squish Kayla in a big hug with Chris and herself. They sat down to explain what Brooklyn was, and how she was a part of her family. Chris had begun to call Brooklyn Lynnie, but Sara called her Brook for short. It was a fight to the death over the newborn's nickname, but Kayla was the decider. I personally called her Brook, as did James, but Kayla was a momma's girl. She liked to call her Brook as well. At the point in time, Brook was asleep in my arms. It's amazing how small she was. I found it hard to believe that at one point in their lives, everyone in this room had been this small. I was glad to be there. I had missed Kayla's birth because of my father insisting to take me to New York, completely blowing off Sara and mom. I had no choice so I went with him, preferring to not be bruised on my face for school the next week. On the plus side, he gave me $1000 as payment for missing my niece's birth, so in the end it was fine, in his mind anyway. I still wished I was there. The doorbell rang again. I left James to watch Brooklyn and checked who was on the other side of the door.

"Mom?" I gasped.

"Mom?"

"Yeah kiddo, where's my new grand-whatever? I heard you got knocked up and had the baby" she said drunkenly. It took all my willpower to not slap her.

"Mom, its Sara's baby. Brooklyn is on the couch"

"Cori, Brooklyn died"

"No mom, we called the new baby Brooklyn. And my name is Cami" I explained. She was blind drunk. I was about to close the door in her face, but she stuck the too-small leather stiletto on her foot in the doorway before I could. Sadly the leather stilettos were the pair I wore to junior prom along with a black dress and dark-ish stockings. My mother came into the apartment.

"Sara redecorated" she muttered.

"This isn't Sara's house. This is where James and his friends live. I stay here with them now that Brooklyn has my room in Sara's house." I told her.

"So, this James, are you fucking him?" she asked as if it was no big deal.

"Mom! That's none of your business" I spat. _And I am doing nothing of the sort! _I yelled in my mind.

"You're my daughter; I have a right to know who you're sleeping with"

"And seeing as how I live here with James and the boys not with you, I have the right to tell you to leave!"

"Bullshit!"

"MOM! GET OUT!" I shouted at her. She punched me in the jaw. I slapped her across the face; she punched me in the nose. I punched her in the cheek once more and ran to my bedroom, the tears streaming down my face and blood dripping off my chin.

**James's POV**

I heard shouting near the door and I saw Cami standing in front of a woman that looked remotely like her, but very, very barely.

"MOM! GET OUT!" Cami shouted. I watched as hands were raised and the sound of skin colliding roughly with knuckles resounded. I couldn't stop them, I just stood and stared. Cami ran off crying. I ran through to the living room and called Kendall, Logan and Carlos.

"Kendall, Carlos, help me get rid of Cami's mom, Logan, go see if Cami's ok. Her mom just punched her twice" I informed them. They nodded. Logan sprinted towards Cami's room and Kendall and Carlos followed me.

"Miss...Uh..." Kendall began

"LeBraun" she finished

"Miss LeBraun, we don't want you treating Cami like that in our home-"

"She's my daughter, I'll treat her however the fuck I want" she spat.

"Not in our house you won't" Carlos told her.

"Miss LeBraun, I think you should leave now" I said calmly but sternly.

"I think I should see what I came here to see"

"If you don't leave, I'll call security" I warned.

"I don't think they can do much" she waved it off.

"Carlos, call freight train for a removal" Kendall said, never taking his eyes off the woman in front of us.

"On it" he said, and turned to leave. We stood in a stare-down for about thirty seconds when the door opened and the familiar suit that is freight train entered.

"Who's the big guy?" she asked; the slur in her voice more prominent in this sentence.

"Miss LeBraun, meet Freight train. Freight train, get her out of here please" Kendall smiled.

"How come?" he said simply.

"She beat Cami" I told him

"The nice redhead?" he asked, we nodded "You're outta here" he said, picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder. We told him where to take her and he left. We heard her protesting the whole way down the hallway. I immediately turned towards the hall and went into Cami's room. She had a cut along her jaw and blood was gushing from her nose. Logan was helping her out, wanting to be a doctor and all. I sat on the bed next to her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"As long as that drunken demon is gone" she said, holding a tissue soaked in red to her nose. Logan was wiping a cotton ball with what I figured would be disinfectant on her cut. She winced slightly.

"I can see why you were so grim at school" Logan smiled slightly, as if he were seeing something he thought was impossible. Then again, knowing Cami this long and seeing her like this, you know...happy, makes it hard to believe that she could be so depressed back then.

"I honestly hate that woman. Her husband is no better" she hissed when the antiseptic touched her cheek.

"Husband? I thought her and your dad broke up" I said quietly.

"They did, I may have neglected to mention she got remarried to hide Brooklyn from dad, but she ended up liking the guy, despite his drunken manner and habits of beating me and Sara. Sara moved out about a month after mom remarried to an ass named Brock." she spat.

"Beating?" Logan asked.

"Punching, kicking, biting, scratching, hitting, throwing, spitting, and even cutting on the odd occasion. He would throw a knife at me sometimes. He always missed, but it was terrifying. Mom loved him more than she loved me obviously, because when I ran away for a while she never looked for me. Sara did though" she said, remembering something. "I can still remember when she found me"

_(Flashback. Cami's POV)_

_I was sitting in the alley near the school I had attended when I lived in L.A for six months. I had hitch-hiked, bussed and walked from Minnesota to get to this city. I had been alternating between four different sets of clothing for the past two weeks. I stank, I was starving, and I had lost a noticeable amount of weight from starvation. I only got water from public dog parks and people who had given me rides. I would fill up my bottle and keep moving. All that I had was a pair of cargo pants, jeans and two pairs of pyjama pants, a singlet, a long-sleeved t-shirt, a jumper and a pair of shoes. I had a cushion and a snuggie hidden in my backpack so I could at least stay warm at night. I heard footsteps go past. I shrunk further into my hiding space behind the putrid dumpster. The smell of rotten fish filled the air, or maybe it was me. Shiny black sneakers came into view._

_"Cami?" the woman asked._

_"What do you want Sara?" I spat_

_"I want you to come home. We've been worried sick"_

_"I'm not coming home. I'm staying here. I'd rather freeze than be beaten" I whispered._

_ "Well no one said you have to go back there. You can stay with me and Chris" she told me._

_"Why? I've been nothing but trouble to you"_

_"Because Kayla doesn't understand why you don't visit anymore. She wants to see her aunty Cami. Plus you're my sister. You're a big part of my life; I can't just throw that out the window"_

_"Yeah, but you can chuck it out the door" I muttered mostly to myself._

_"Don't say that. People from your school have been looking for you, Chris and I have been looking for you, and Kayla swears she saw you in the parking lot at the mall"_

_"She did, and I saw her with Tommy and his mom. She was wearing a little blue and purple shirt with jeans" I smiled slightly._

_"And you missed being able to go up and say hey, I know you. Family is important to you like it is to me. That's why I can't just walk away from you. Not now. That's why Chris and I agreed to let you move in to our house. Well, not let you, more or less make you." She told me, now crouching by me and holding the bag I had beside me._

_"As long as I don't have to go back there ever again" I grumbled._

_"Deal" Sara smiled, pulling my by the hand to get me on my feet. Within the hour I was showered, smelling nice, teeth brushed, fed and clothed, and content for the moment. They had gone to get my stuff from my old house to bring it back here, they knew I would refuse to go, so they happily went to get as much as they could fit in the back of the 4X4. This ended up being pretty much my whole room. I crawled into fresh sheets and fell asleep in a room decorated to my liking, with deep purple walls, dotted with dragonfly stickers. A few family photos coloured the room, hanging on the wall in black and white frames, coated in rhinestones. That had to be the best night's sleep I ever got._

_(End flashback, Cami's POV)_

"It seems we learn more about your history every day" Logan chuckled.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" I joked.

"Considering the circumstances this time, I'd say that's a bad thing." James told me, he was smiling slightly, frowning more. The antiseptic on my cheek stung, and left the area feeling cold and thin, and I could smell it, it smelled like a hospital, and man I hate hospitals. The tape on my knuckles was uncomfortable, but it was something to play with.

"So is the wicked bitch gone?"

"Yeah, freight train came and took her"

"Then I am going to go and see Sara and Brook" I stated, standing up and heading for the door. I saw Sara with a confused look on her face.

"Mom, nuff said" I told her. She nodded.

"Is she gone?" Chris asked.

"Yeah," I nodded "how's everything down here?"

"Brook Farted!" Kayla shouted. We burst out laughing at the face the six year old made. Carlos made himself at home on the couch again, and we all joined them. I sat on the floor, Kayla sat on my lap. We ended up in a long-winded conversation about nothing. It just took us where it wanted to go. Eventually dinner time rolled around, the day had gone too fast. Kayla and her parents went home and put Brook to bed. I curled up on the couch and fell asleep with my head on an armrest and my feet on Kendall's shins. I was happy but sad all at the same time. A feeling of dread hung over me like a dark cloud that somehow got access to my dreams.

_(Dream)_

_A long hallway stretched out in front of me. I ran and ran but never went anywhere. It was like the floor was a conveyor belt. I could see the end; it drew closer after I put more effort into the sprint. I continued to run, and saw a figure standing at the end encouraging me to keep going. I put my head down and ran against the current, or so to speak. Suddenly I stepped off the section of hallway that was like a treadmill, and the brick walls around me disappeared. I stood in a green paddock, trees rustling in the breeze, in front of me stood James, just like you'd expect. He leaned down to kiss me, and when I opened my eyes, his weren't staring back. Kendall stood in front of me, holding a gun. He kissed my forehead as If he was sad to do what he was about to do. The trigger clicked under his finger and the white hot bullet embedded itself in my chest, pushing me to the ground._

_(End Dream) _

I jumped slightly from the sound of the shot and minor psychological pain. The pain subsided quickly, and Kendall, Logan, James and Carlos where all in front of me.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You were talking in your sleep. Something about 'Got to get to the end'?" Kendall asked in return. The boys all raised their eyebrows. I rolled my eyes and sat up, carefully rubbing my neck.

"It was a messed up dream, like I was trapped in an endless hallway that was more or less a wind tunnel. The harder I ran against it the further I got. At the end, someone was waiting for me. I think it was Kendall. But he shot me" I explained. Kendall looked taken aback, James looked slightly pissed, and Carlos and Logan were laughing slightly.

"Kendall shot you?" James asked.

"You know I wouldn't do that. You're my best friend" Kendall said comfortingly.

"I guess it was just because you were the last person I came into contact with before I fell asleep" I reasoned. They shrugged.

"Maybe. But still, why would you dream about being shot?" James asked,

"I guess the pain in my cheek was a trigger?"

"Pain in your cheek was a trigger for you being shot...where did I shoot you?" Kendall raised his eyebrows again.

"In the chest. Maybe it was the way I was lying on the couch...?" my ideas weren't helping, James was still a bit pissed with Kendall, who was now sitting beside me on the couch.

"I don't know, all I know is you can't be pissed with him because it was a dream. It would never happen in real life." I told him. Logan and Carlos had gone to continue whatever they had been doing because the matter no longer concerned them. James sat on the foot rest in front of me and glared at Kendall.

"James, were you listening to me at all?"

"Yes" he muttered.

"Dude! It was a messed up dream! I didn't do anything!" Kendall spat.

"God, some days I wish I never got out of bed in the first place" I said to myself, falling back onto the couch as they shouted. I knew it was wrong to let them fight, so I stood up, grabbed the necks of their shirts, and pulled them down to my height, which wasn't far below theirs.

"The two of you, man up. It was a dream; it was actually more or less a nightmare. But Kendall didn't do anything. My brain took the last person I had come into contact with and twisted them into doing something that would wake me up, ergo shooting me. Now, if I let go of your shirts, will you shut up? Or will I have to punch the both of you in the face and go stay with my sister for the night?"

"We'll be quiet" they said in unison. They looked at their feet, James was clearly unhappy about their truce.

"James, be nice" I growled, releasing their shirts. Well, they kept true to their promise. They shut up. But James raised his fist. I don't know why, but Instead of simply pushing Kendall out of the way, I jumped in front of him, feeling his fist collide with my throat. I fell back into Kendall, whose outstretched arms caught me. I fought to breathe, the impact on my throat making it impossible. I choked for a few moments. Kendall carefully lied me down on the couch, where I began to scratch at my throat. When the moment came and I could finally breathe, I gasped air down, finding it immensely painful. My breathing became heavy and difficult.

"Call 911! NOW!" Kendall shouted.

"I'm on it!" James shouted, whipping his phone out of his pocket.

"Cami, stay with us. Come on, keep your eyes open" Kendall whispered to me. Logan and Carlos soon came back to the couch. Logan of course wanting to be a doctor was doing his best.

"Cami, can you hear us?" he asked, his voice was far away, like he was at the other end of a tunnel. My eyes closed for a moment.

"Open your eyes! Come on!" Kendall started to panic. That was the last thing I heard.

**Hi Everyone! This is the first authors note in this story/drabble.**

**if you're still sticking with me i wanna say thankyou! and a little thing, no i dont own BTR, and i have NO MEDICAL EXPERIENCE SO ANY MEDICAL REFERENCES ARE PURE BULLSHIT!**

**enjoy!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Kendall's POV**

Her eyes closed and I was past panicking.

"The ambulance will be here in ten minutes" James stated, he looked like he was trying to contain a conniption. I stayed by her side. She was still struggling to breathe. The minutes passed in a blur. A stretcher burst through the door and immediately took her off the couch and down to the waiting ambulance. I went with her in the ambulance after being pushed to do so by James, who thought he was only going to hurt her again. I didn't know what they were doing, all I know is I heard the words crucial or critical at least ten times each. I was past worried, past panicking, into the stage where I was about to break into hysterics. She was almost like another little sister to me, seeing as how Katie had gone to live with dad back in Minnesota. I was glad to have Cami. She was amazing. The little sister I had always wanted, but Katie just wasn't this kind of kid, sure Katie was awesome, but our family needed more, and Cami was it. At the hospital I followed them through a series of doors until I was held back,

"You can't go through there, they need to operate. You'd contaminate the room." I was told by a nurse.

"Operate!"

"That's the OR. Only doctors or patients are allowed through." She stated and walked off. I found my way to the waiting room. Instantly I pulled out my phone and called James, figuring he'd want to know what was going on.

"_hey, this is James, sorry I'm a lil' busy right now, leave a message and call back later" _answering machine. I called Carlos.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Carlos, it's me. She's in the operating room. Where's James?"

"On his way to the hospital, he's going past Sara's place to tell her what's going on."

"Okay, well if you see him again before he gets here, tell him"

2 days later

**Cami's POV**

"Hey Carlos, hey Logan" Kendall called when the two entered the room. They high-fived hello and began a conversation, I would have cleared my throat but that would hurt too much.

"Hey! Injured person over here!" I laughed quietly.

"Cami!" Carlos shouted like a five year old. I laughed even harder as he pounced on the bed and hugged me.

"So how much damage was there?" Logan asked. We all looked to Kendall.

"Bruised collarbone and swollen wind-pipe, but otherwise it was fine. They took her into the operating room to make sure there was no internal bleeding or damage to the spinal cord. The swelling went down pretty fast. No damage to the voice-box clearly." He told us all.

"Well, it freaking HURTS! The stitches at least" I growled. The bandage felt like it was constricting my throat sometimes. This was one of those times. I grimaced and rubbed my neck gingerly.

"Do you want us to get the nurse?" Logan asked.

"Nah, it comes with the territory, I'll have to get used to it."

"I guess that's true" he grimaced. I chuckled.

"Why the frown? I'm the one who has to get used to it" I laughed.

"Good point"

"I can't believe I could do that much damage without even intending to" James frowned. It was a sad time, but also it wasn't, if that makes sense. It was...thick. Hard to explain. I guess irritating fits there too. I was stuck in that little room for the rest of the week. I think I was beginning to get claustrophobic by the end of it. Several of the nurses scolded us because we were over the maximum room capacity, only three people were allowed at a time; we had five. Oops. When I returned home I was given antibiotic pills to avoid infections in the wound, a couple of gauze pads to keep the wound clean, and a freaking huge medical bill. Sara and Chris had visited a few times but they didn't want to bring Brook. I can understand, hospitals aren't the ideal place to bring an infant if they want to stay healthy. They never stayed long and Kayla sent a card. It was a little hand drawn one. For a six year old she drew really well. I hated having to take antibiotics. I had to get up at two in the morning to take one. I was sick of it fairly quickly. James still felt guilty.

"If I wasn't so stupid you wouldn't be in this situation"

"I have scars all over my body from the people who were supposed to protect me, this isn't a big deal. Mom used to beat the crap out of me. I'm pretty sure I'll live. I can take the punishment"

"I still feel bad. It was my fault"

"Do you want me to tell you it was your fault? Do you want me to hate you?" I asked sarcastically.

"I just want you to say it was my fault"

"Fine, it was your fault. And fault is a thing all of us have. It's my fault that my dad ran off, it's my fault that I'm so stupid, it's my fault that I was an emo at the age of fifteen, I'm pretty sure this is nothing, because in a way this was my fault too. I didn't tell you to stop, I didn't just push Kendall out of the way. I didn't grab your arm and _make_ you stop. I put myself between the threat and a friend. As I have done a million times. You would have done the same thing if I had thrown the punch. So pull your head out of your ass, and move on."

"But-"

"I don't want to hear it. It was as much my fault as it was yours. So let's leave it at that." I told him for the last time. I returned to my room and taped a piece of plastic around the gauze pad to take a shower. The water washed away all the worries, let everything fall down the drain with every drop. I came out feeling refreshed, besides where the plastic had been on my neck...that felt strangely, I guess the word I'm looking for is quarantined. It felt as though it was off limits. I returned to the lounge room in my black jeans, black camisole and red tank top. I chucked a white cardigan on and went with Kendall to the shop with his mom. James had fallen asleep on the couch and I didn't want to wake him up. It was just grocery shopping for his mom, but Kendall and I went to get coffee. We hadn't really talked since Brook was born. I missed him. We needed some quality time to hang out.

"So how's your neck?" he asked me. _Horrible, painful, irritating, blisteringly agonizing_-

"Fine, it's a little painful but I learned to ignore all that."

"I'm not going to ask how."

"You just did" I chuckled slightly "One word: Experience."

"That sucks."

"What, that I have experience or that it hurts?"

"Both I guess" he smiled. I felt like I needed a hug for some reason. And looking at him I wanted one all the more.

"What actually happened though? Through your eyes"

"What do you mean?"

"When you got hurt, the accident. What happened from your perspective?"

"Well" I began "I guess I saw James was pissed, and I knew he was going to go for it, but I didn't really have time to think, so I just jumped in front of you instead of doing the smart thing and pushing you out of the way. The initial strike wasn't too bad, it was a dull ache I guess. It was when I couldn't breathe that things started to get scary"

"I can understand why, that feeling of dread creeps up on you"

"It's almost like you went through it instead of me" I laughed quietly.

"Well, watching it was just as painful I guess. Especially when you wouldn't open your eyes. When Logan asked if you could hear us and we didn't get a response we went into panic mode."

"I wasn't far off it. If I could have opened my eyes they would have been huge. But I remember him asking that. It sounded like he was yelling from across a car park. It echoed in a way."

The look on his face was sort of scared, like when you're watching something horrible and you want to look away, but no matter how hard you try you just can't. He clearly didn't like what he was hearing, but at the same time wanted to hear more. Lucky enough my phone buzzed in my pocket.

"Let me guess. James?"

"Who else" I laughed. We smiled and I checked the text. _Where'd you go?._ I sent one back quickly.

_Having coffee with Kendall and his mom. Be back soon __J_. I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Sorry"

"I know James, he gets protective and a little territorial" Kendall brushed it off.

"And that's why you're such an awesome best friend" I smiled.

"Why am I so awesome?"

"Cause you know everything about everyone"

"Just the people I need to know about" he chuckled, sliding to my side of the booth and giving me the hug I so desperately wanted. "Just like I know you wanted a hug from the beginning of the conversation"

"You are good" I laughed.

"Scary good?"

"Scary like a haunted house good" I smiled. We laughed at our little inside joke. I almost didn't want to leave his arms. I felt safe and warm and protected. Like nothing could ever hurt me. Kendall and I had history, like a lot of history. In fact, it was because of Sara that we met him. Sara and Mrs Knight worked together as waitresses for a while and Mrs Knight brought Kendall to work the day I had to go in with Sara because mom wouldn't look after me. We had been friends for ages, but then they moved and I moved, then I moved again and found him again. We swore we'd keep in touch, but stuff got in the way. He never knew about mom. I always covered the bruises on the occasional video chats we shared. I was careful not to mention any of it. I only told him the good things, not that there were many. When it came to facebook and all of that, I was careful to post the morose miserable stuff on the account I had no friends on. I had created two accounts so that I could do whatever I wished to do on one, and let my friends see everything on the other. Kendall was friends with the one everyone saw obviously. He saw all the happy perky posts, until I got busted when I moved. Everyone knows the rest. I can still remember when he used to push me on the swings when I was five and he was six. Whenever I look back on it I remember he used to stick up for me at school, I even remember when I was happy about going to school but got hit by some asshole who threw a big rock at me. Kendall threw the rock back and helped me clean my eye, then he took me to the front office. That boy got suspended, Kendall helped me see for the rest of the week, and defended me when other kids called me 'Puffy' because my eye had swelled up. Two years later he moved and that's when I started to get called 'little piggy' now that I was back with him, I remember seeing Kendal for the first time at school, thinking how much we had changed. I felt the scar on my eye tingle just thinking about it.

_(Flashback)_

_I looked around, closing my locker and stuffing books into my bag. I almost ran into the guy with the locker next to me._

_"Oh sorry, my bad" I whimpered, bumping into his shoulder and knocking things out of his hands._

_"Nah it's alright" he smiled, bending down to pick up his stuff._

_"I haven't been able to see that well since some kid threw a rock at my eye in kindergarten" I explained, looking down and helping him pick up what he had dropped._

_"Ouch, that must've left a mark" he chuckled._

_"It left a bloody good one" I smiled, showing him the crescent shape around the side of my left eye. It was barely visible, just a little curved line of thicker, smoother skin that could only be seen in the right light. He peered at it._

_"Cami?"_

_"Do I know you?" I asked, feeling sort of stupid._

_"Cami, it's me, Kendall" he smiled, standing up, books in hand._

_"Kendall" my jaw dropped. "Is that really you! You look so different!" _

_"I could say the same thing" he laughed, gently tugging a piece of my now crimson hair. "Last time I saw you, you were a brunette"_

_"Oh you know you love it" I smiled._

_"So what brings you to L.A?"_

_"I don't know, mum just moved us here so I guess here we are" I lied._

_"We have a lot to catch up on" he chuckled, leading me to our next class._

_(End flashback)_

We spent close to an hour laughing about old times.

"Remember when I used to sleep over at your house all the time?" I smiled.

"Yeah, I remember one in particular where you pushed me down the stairs" he laughed.

"Hey! Come on! I was six! I didn't think it would fracture your collarbone!"

"Well, you have had more than enough karma so I think I can forgive you"

"Don't remind me" I winced, subconsciously running my hands over the gauze pad. I was glad these stitches were the ones that fade into your skin, rather than those horrible ones that need to be removed.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" I asked, suddenly jerked out of my train of thought.

"Your neck, is it hurting?" he asked, motioning towards my hand, which was still on my neck.

"Oh, right, nah. Just the mention of it sorta makes me do that, without me even realising it."

"That's kind of cool"

"It kind of irritates me" I laughed.

"A bit like that time when Katie stole your-"

"Ah, no" I warned.

"but it was-"

"No!"

"But it _swelled_ to-"

"Do not go there, that is just low" I sneered jokingly.

"Alright" he held up his hands in mock surrender. Suddenly a huge white flash engulfed my vision. I looked to the left where it was coming from and saw a paparazzi running off. I figured it must have been my imagination, but Kendall and I were barraged with paparazzi within moments. He took my hand and led me out, well, more or less pulled me out. The crowd of flashing lights was immense. It was cool, but in my state, unnecessary and stressful. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. I was told specifically to avoid this type of situation. Kendall pulled my wrist so I shot forward towards him, and he put his arm around my shoulder and we ran. His mom wasn't far behind us. She had just gotten into the car when we reached her. The groceries were in the back, I was having a major panic attack, and there were people behind us with footage that could bring hell into my life. I climbed in the back seat of the car next to Kendall and fought to control my breathing and heart-rate. This had been a shock for me, and I had never liked being in crowds in the first place. Performing for them, sure, but being a part of them was a bad idea. Kendall began to try and help control my panic, knowing about my irrational fear.

"Mom, we may want to go a little faster" he said as calmly as possible.

"I'm not breaking any laws today" she said, despite the oncoming crowd. We were getting away, until we hit a huge red light. The traffic around it was amazing. Within the minute the sound of fists on glass surrounded us, lights flashing everywhere. It reminded me of when my step-father used to beat me. The sound of fists colliding with flesh, my tears running down my face. The random household objects being used as weapons. He used to blind me with an old camera flash and then hit me when I was unable to see. This was terrifyingly similar. I felt Kendall pull me closer, putting his arms around me and letting me hide my face in his jacket. He knew how much this hurt. I felt the tears stream out of my eyes, dampening the denim he wore. I couldn't do anything, I was trapped, but Kendall kept me safe. I knew James would be so pissed when he saw the pictures, but when I explained it all, he would understand. The world wouldn't though. They'd think of me as a two-timing low life. Somehow I could live with that. I pulled my legs up on the seat, shielding myself further. I held the denim tightly in my fingers and he pulled me closer.

"Its okay, the traffic is moving, we're almost out of here" he whispered. I don't know if he knew how bad this was hurting me, both physically and mentally, but he seemed to. He just rested his chin on the top of my head as I tried to hide from the memories that had scarred me so badly. I felt the car lurch forward suddenly, and we were moving. I still kept a close hold on Kendall. This would have seemed awkward to most people, but it was normal to him. He knew how my past affected me; he knew I had serious post-traumatic-stress. He had needed to comfort me for years. He had always been there to protect me.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I could hear the clamour of cameramen fading away behind us. The movement of his jaw felt funny on the top of my head.

"Mentally, No, physically, yes" I mumbled, taking my face out of his now tear-stained jacket. He seemed slightly shocked by the tear-tracks down my face, but not put off by it.

"I'm shocked. Most people who see me cry would laugh"

"Why? That's just insensitive"

"I guess I've been hanging out with the wrong guys then" I smiled in spite of myself. He nodded.

"I guess you have. Its fine, they're gone"

"How long were we stuck there for?"

"Around three or four minutes" he grimaced, the traffic in this town was terrible. His mom was too focussed on driving to acknowledge us. We sat in the backseat, with his arms around me, for the whole ride home. My reaction to this was reeling in my mind. His reaction to me was reeling with it.


	6. Chapter 6

**1 week later**

"What the hell is this!" James shouted, running through the door holding up a magazine. On the front cover there were three pictures, one of me and Kendall having coffee, one of Kendall with his arm around me helping me to run from the shop, and one of us in the back seat of the car, my face in his jacket, his arms around me and my legs pulled up, with his chin resting on my head.

"Paparazzi took it the wrong way, we were catching up and having a coffee and, you know how badly I freak out when I'm in a crowd that's focussed on me. They chased us and Kendall pulled me out of the coffee shop" I paused to take a breath "and we ran to the car. I completely broke when we were in the car because it reminded me of what my stepdad and mom used to do to me and Kendall just helped me out. There isn't anything going on. I swear" I told him. He seemed satisfied with that.

"It looks like a bit more than that" okay, maybe not.

"James! Are you serious!" I shouted.

"Yes! Why would he need to put his arm around you to pull you out of a shop!"

"Why would you not just bloody trust me!"

"Because it looks like you were cheating on me!"

"Why would I do that!"

"I don't know!"

"If you don't trust me then how can I trust you!"

"I do trust you!"

"No you don't! Kendall trusts me! Carlos trusts me! Logan trusts me! You accused me of cheating on you with him! He's been my best friend since I was five years old, James! If you don't trust me, how can I date you!"

"Are you saying-?"

"Yes I am! James, if you can't trust me and that just hurts. We're..." I contemplated whether I should finish the sentence. "We're done"

I sat in my room at Sara's place, staring at the ceiling. I was in pain. _How could he not trust me?_ I asked myself over and over again. I had explained to Sara. She happily let me move back in. She had Brook and Kay sharing a room now, so I had my old room back. My phone buzzed. I took it off of one of the five boxes I had in front of me, all containing stuff from my old room at Kendall's apartment.

_Where are you? – K_

I sighed and flopped onto the bed. Tears wanted to erupt from my eyes, but they couldn't.

_Home – C_

Within moments my phone rang in my hand. I double checked the caller ID before answering.

"_I didn't hear your phone ring, so you're clearly not at home"_

_"_Yeah I am. I'm back with Sara. And you guys have another spare room"

"_Why are you back with Sara?"_

_"_Ask James"

"_You didn't_?"

"I did"

"_Why_?"

"He didn't trust me. I explained the magazine pictures, but he didn't believe me! So I broke it off. I can't love someone who doesn't trust me"

"_I'll be there in five_" the line went dead.

I spent those five minutes singing along to the radio.

_If it's not like the movies, that's how it should be...yeah_

He entered the room while I was singing, and lay down next to me. He sang along for a verse and the radio shorted out. I tossed a pillow at it in a swift movement.

"Bloody radio" I spat, a shake infected my voice. He knew I was close to tears.

"It's alright to cry, you know."

"No it isn't. It's a sign of weakness."

"Everyone has their weak moments" he reasoned. I opened my mouth, but I didn't say what I thought I would.

"It just hurts, but at the same time it doesn't"

"I guess maybe you guys didn't have anything left to say"

"Yeah..." I sighed, looking out the window "Maybe". The rain outside thudded quietly on the window. It looked the way I felt.

"So do you want him back?" he asked. It caught me off guard. I thought I had loved James, but now...i felt nothing. It was like I had been with him for the sake of being with him. I looked for that feeling and tried to put it with James's face...but it just wouldn't fit.

"Actually. No"


	7. Chapter 7

**2 weeks later**

The ache had lessened, but I still only went to Kendall's apartment when James wasn't there. I sat on the couch with the three boys watching TV.

"So, why did you guys split?" Carlos asked.

"Carlos!" Kendall said, like it was a tough topic for me.

"Its fine, Kendall" I told him "He didn't believe me when I told him the explanation for something, and it just proved he doesn't trust me. And I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me".

"But, we trust you" he pouted. I laughed a little.

"That's a good thing" I smiled, turning my attention back to the movie. I fell asleep in the middle of it.

_(Dream)_

_"RUN!" I screamed. The cameras were blinding me. I was holding James's hand and running, but I tripped. He let go and just kept running. The paparazzi swarmed me, asking inappropriate and invasive questions while I was left bleeding on the ground from a split in my skin. A warm hand took mine and picked me up. I looked up and saw Kendall. He ran, holding me bridal-style. When we got around a corner and ducked into a shop, he put me down. My next move shocked even me. I kissed him, and felt more sparks than I ever had with James._

_"I love you, Kendall" I whispered, looking into his bright green eyes. _

_(End of dream)_

"Cami? Are you alright?" someone asked. I recognised the voice as Logan.

"Huh? What?" I opened my eyes.

"Are you alright?" he repeated. I looked around and saw blood on a couple of white pillows. I realised I was in a hospital.

"Crap! What did I do this time?" I groaned.

"Had a seizure, fell off of the couch and split the back of your hand open on the coffee table. You hit your head kinda badly too, which split the stitches on your neck" Kendall told me from where he sat beside me. I pieced things together from my dream. The flashing lights were the seizure; the trip was me falling off the couch. The split in my skin was my hand and neck, the paparazzi asking invasive questions must have been the doctors or paramedics running around asking questions. The warmth in my hand must have been the blood. Holding me bridal style must have been the paramedic putting me on the stretcher.

"Did I need CPR again?" I asked, trying to figure out the kiss.

"Yeah, but the paramedic was pumping your heart, I was the only one there to do the mouth to mouth" Kendall told me, blushing while he said it.

"And how long have I been out?"

"About three hours. You started talking about fifteen minutes ago"

"Oh god...what did I say?"

"It was hard to understand-" Kendall began.

"No it wasn't! She said 'I love you, Kendall'" Carlos piped up from the corner of the room. I could have died from embarrassment. I heard the beeping from the EKG speed up slightly.

"Shut up!" Logan hissed. My face was bright red. Kendall's matched mine.

"What? It's true" Carlos continued.

"I'll handle this" Logan said, grabbing Carlos by the arm and removing him from the room.

"Be honest with me" I said after they left "Did I actually say that?" my face was still bright red. He was still practically a tomato.

"Uh, yeah" he chuckled. "I figured it was the anaesthetic"

"I guess so" I lied. His face fell slightly.

"Yeah".

"Kendall?"

"Mmh?"

"What's wrong?" I asked. He looked sad.

"Nothing" he said, putting on a fake smile.

"Kendall...i know you" I reminded him.

"And I know you" he replied, climbing onto the hospital bed next to me and giving me a hug, which I didn't realise I wanted till he did. I hugged him back.

"I want to do something" I smiled. Before he could answer, I kissed him. I felt the same sparks I felt in the dream. The same feeling washed over me, and he kissed back. When it ended, I was almost sad.

"Nope" I chuckled.

"Nope what?" he asked, mystified.

"Definitely wasn't the anaesthetic" I smiled. He smiled back and kissed me. I almost didn't want to let go.

"Okay, he's going to shut- Whoa!" Logan said, walking in at the wrong time, Carlos half a second behind him. Instantly we pulled apart.

"Well?" Logan asked Kendall. Kendall shook his head. Logan smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing" Logan said.

"They had a bet going on if it was the anaesthetic or not" Carlos blurted out.

"Oh really?" I laughed.

"No" Logan gave the death glare to Carlos. Kendall went red again. I just smiled.

"So, who won?"

"Me" Kendall answered simply.

"Always the optimist" I smiled, kissing his cheek "and the prize?"

"Gentleman's bet. Simply for the respect of the other man" Logan butted in.

"Oh, please, cough up the twenty Logan" I laughed. He groaned.

"You are _good!_" Kendall laughed, taking the twenty.

"Scary good?"

"Scary like a haunted house good" he smiled.

"So, If you two are together now, are you going to move back to our place?" Carlos asked.

"Hmm, I dunno. Should i?" I mused. A chorus of "Yes's" and "heck yeah's" erupted.

"Okay!" I said, instantly I was crushed by three pairs of arms. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

**2 days later**

I had been released from the hospital, moved all my boxes back to my old room, keeping some of my clothes in the chest of drawers in Kendall's room. I know what you're thinking. _'What about James?'_ right? Well...James and I got over the tension. He and Kendall swapped places. James was a good friend of mine now, and Kendall was mine. I would say my boyfriend, but he seemed more than that. So he was mine and I was his. I liked it that way. My birthday was on its way. I knew they were all going to get me presents, despite how many times I had asked them not to. I was turning 19 in less than a week. I woke up in Kendall's bed (I had begun to like sleeping there instead of alone) and peered at the time. A shirtless Kendall blocked my view of the numbers. I checked on my phone.

"8:43" I whispered to myself. Nearly nine o'clock. I carefully began to trace one of the two tattoos on Kendall's back with my finger. I had always wanted one, but never understood how badly it hurt. That was when I made my decision for the day. I called this place called _White Lace Walk-In Tattoo Parlour_ and booked an appointment. I knew what I wanted. Sure enough later that day, I came home with a tattoo. A medium sized star with a cursive K inside it, permanently etched on the back of my shoulder. Because Kendall is my star. I kept it covered for a while. I sat on the couch next to Kendall and immediately his arms were around me. He kissed the side of my head.

"Where've you been?" he smiled.

"Just to see Sara. Brook was doing something funny and I wanted to see, so I went up. Next thing I knew I was roped into going out for coffee."

"Aha, how is Sara?"

"Pretty good actually" I smiled, knowing all of this because I actually had called past Sara's house on the way home and this really did happen."Brook crawls now, and Sara thinks she's gonna have a third soon."

"She's insane, I mean, give it a year or so, maybe two if Brook is already crawling"

"That's what I said. So what have you been doing all day?"

"Watching movies, talking to the guys, and watching movies. Oh, and did I mention watching movies?"

"Ha ha ha. You're so funny" I chuckled sarcastically. He smiled. I cuddled closer to him and noticed he was wearing the denim jacket I had broken down crying on. I saw the stain where my mascara had come off (not that I wear loads of makeup, just enough to make my eyes stick out more than the rest of me, so I get eye contact, not perverts). He noticed I was looking at it.

"It's a stain Hon. It's not an unusual thing." He chuckled. I realised I had gotten lost in my own world again.

"Sorry, I zoned out for a second...did you just call me Hon?"

"Did i? Oops" he laughed.

"Its sweet" I smiled, cuddling into his side a little more, without aggravating my new tattoo, cause that thing really hurts. I knew he would find it soon, just not yet. I stared at the screen, just glad to be there with him. Nothing had changed much, I realised, we just realised that we felt more strongly about one another than we were letting on. The only change in behaviour was we kissed and we hugged a little more. We didn't cling to each other, we just stayed close when we wanted to...okay maybe we did cling, but it's because we wanted to. We rarely had anything to do, but we had each other so we would always sit and talk or have foosball tournaments and all that. We didn't always have to be side-by-side, hand-in-hand. It was just the fact that I knew he would be there for me no matter what now. The rest of that afternoon was spent on the couch; eventually we even fell asleep there.

_(Dream)_

_I was warm and comfortable; it was like my skin had been fused with a blanket I was that warm. The snow whirled around me, but never actually touched my skin. I looked around, seeing through the fog that I was at the old playground that Kendall and I used to go to. I saw the young brunette me running, wearing a black parka and white pants. Not far behind, Kendall at the age of five knocked her over. I chuckled, remembering it had been an accident. He helped her up, kissed the side of her head, and they kept running. I spied the fresh wound on my eye from that kid who threw a rock at me._

_(End dream)_

I woke to a flash and someone saying "How sweet". Opening my eyes carefully I saw the boys, Mrs Knight and a vacationing Katie holding a camera.

"What a nice way to wake up, so how long have I had stalkers now?" I asked drowsily.

"We couldn't help it, it was so adorable" Mrs Knight told me.

"Let me see the picture" I grumbled, taking the camera from Katie. The picture was me and Kendall asleep, but he had his arm around my shoulders and mine was across his stomach. I can see why they said it was cute, because somehow in his sleep, Kendall had moved and kissed the side of my head, just like in the dream. They got the shot at the perfect second. I stole the SD card from the camera sneakily and gave the camera to Katie.

"Now, I post!" she squeaked, running to her room.

"3" I began.

"2" Mrs Knight continued.

"1" we all finished. A scream echoed through the house and I jumped up out of Kendall's arms and over the couch, accidentally waking him up. I crawled into the slide that Carlos had named 'swirly' and hid at the halfway point. I put the SD card into my bra, knowing Katie wasn't game enough.

"Cami! Where's my SD card!" she shouted. I laughed quietly and crawled further up the slide quietly. Emerging from the top I peered down and saw Katie yelling through the house. When she exited the room and continued looking for me in my room, I snuck down and ran through to Kendall's room. Within three minutes, the picture was my profile picture on Facebook. Katie burst into the room as soon as it had uploaded.

"NO! It was supposed to be an exclusive!" she cried. I smiled and tossed her the SD card.

"You never mess with the master" Kendall smiled, entering the room and sitting on the bed next to me. He put his arm around my waist and kissed the side of my head.

"Euch, puppy love. It sickens me" Katie gagged.

"Then get ready to vomit" He laughed. He turned to me, a glint in his eye, and kissed me. Katie was making gagging noises, but we didn't care. We found it funny. She left the room after about ten seconds. I was trying so hard not to laugh, but the need overpowered me. I broke the kiss and fell back laughing. He followed suit. When the laughing fit subsided, my sides ached and we both lay there breathing heavily. He turned his head.

"It's a good picture of us" he smiled.

"That's why it's there" I replied. He put his arm over my shoulder again. I inhaled sharply.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, you just touched a soft spot" I winced.

"Is there a bruise there?" he asked. I shook my head. "Let me see". I shook my head, but he gave me that look, and before I knew it I pulled my shirt over my head and sat there in a singlet. He stared at it. I felt his finger slowly tracing the outline gently. It didn't hurt much because he wasn't being rough and poking at it, just running his finger over the skin like I did with his tattoos every other morning.

"You got a tattoo?"

"Yeah"

"With a k?"

"Yeah" I repeated.

"Why?"

"Why do you think?" I chuckled. He turned me to face him.

"Well, you are officially insane"

"What? It hurts more now than it did when I got it done"

"Getting my initial on your shoulder. That's sweet but kinda stupid"

"Why?"

"Because if I die you'll always have that"  
>"And personally, I don't care. I wouldn't want anyone else, so you're it. You're literally under my skin now" I smiled.<p>

"Wow, I picked a winner from the beginning didn't i?"

"I think you did, and I know I did" I smiled, tossing my hair over my shoulder, which had now gone back to its original smooth light brown colour. Kendall had always liked it that way, and honestly, I only dyed it red to piss off my mom. It worked by the way. We eventually emerged from the room and sat on the couch.

"Since when have you had a tattoo, Cami?" I heard James ask. I looked down. _Dammit! I forgot to put my shirt back on! _I shouted mentally at myself, seeing the black singlet instead of my purple crossover top.

"Ah, since...i think 11 a.m." I smiled guiltily. James smiled, stood me up, and turned me around to have a look at the star.

"Why did you get a _K_?" he asked.

"The reason is on the couch" I smiled. He looked at Kendall.

"Right. Well, good luck to the both of you" he smiled, and left us to what we were doing, which was checking the time.

"Wow that was awkward. I'm going to bed. It's nearly midnight" Kendall chuckled.

"I'm right behind you," I smiled. I stood up and cut in front of him "and now I'm in front of you"

"Smartass" he laughed.

"You know you love it"

"Yeah, I do" he smiled. I went into the bathroom to brush my hair and I put it in a plait. I changed my clothes and crawled into the cool sheets. Kendall put his arms around me from behind and I cuddled into him, feeling the warmth his body radiated.

"Have you been in a freezer or something? You're skin is really cold" he chuckled.

"I don't know, but you're really warm. I don't think I'm moving any time soon" I smiled. I curled into a little ball, my legs up near my chest and my arm over Kendall's. I fell asleep in that position.

_(Dream)_

_I stood on top of a cliff. I felt insecure, like nothing could pull me back from where I stood, but Kendall stood next to me._

_"Don't let me fall" I whispered._

_"I won't, I promise" he said, pulling me close. My step-father appeared out of nowhere._

_"You're such a little whore, ya know that" Brock slurred. "Jumping from one boy to the next"_

_"Brock, Shut up! I've only had one boyfriend, Kendall is it. James was an accident. He didn't count."_

_"Bullsh*t" he spat. He ran forward in a wonky line and pushed me, Kendall still had his arms around me. We fell. I don't know where to, but we fell like rocks. Kendall manipulated how we fell so he was falling underneath me. I wanted to scream, but I didn't. Kendall landed on his back on a smooth rock, and I tried to fall to the side, but he used his own body to soften my fall. Blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth. I felt the tears falling from my eyes. I kissed him once, the taste of his blood on my lips. _

_"I'm sorry" he whispered "I couldn't let you get hurt, not again". The tears fell faster. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried over his shoulder. He used what little energy he had to put his arms around me._

_"I love you, Kendall" I whispered._

_"I love you too, Cami" he whispered back. I heard his last breath escape his lungs, and he went limp in my arms. He was gone. _

_(End dream)_


	8. Chapter 8

I woke to find Kendall holding me tight. I turned over and huddled into his chest. I didn't see the man in the room. I felt Kendall's cold skin. I knew that wasn't normal. I looked at his face; blood trickled from the side of his lips.

"Kendall?" I whispered, praying it was water. I felt warmth where my knees had been huddled at his stomach. I saw the puncture wound.

"Kendall?" I said, my voice quivering with worry. His arms moved slowly and he gently stroked my hair. The man had run from the room by now. I turned on the light by the bed. A large gaping wound was right in the middle of his abdomen. Blood was falling from his lips.

"Cami, it's okay, as long as you're okay, its okay"

"No its not! Kendall, you're dying!" I cried.

"I know" he whispered weakly. Not even trying to deny it.

"HELP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. How could I have slept through this? I wouldn't let this be like my dream. "HELP!" I screamed again. I kept screaming until someone came through the door, Mrs Knight came running in with a hockey stick.

"What's going on!" she shouted. Then she saw Kendall, as pale as he was. She let loose a massive scream.

"Kendall!"

"Call 911" I begged. She instantly ran from the room. Logan and Carlos entered the room holding identical hockey sticks. They took one look at Kendall and Logan turned to run.

"Where are you going!" Carlos shouted.

"I have to keep Katie out of here" he told us. Mrs Knight came back with the phone.

"The ambulance is on the way" she said, tears streaming down her face "You're going to be okay Baby" she said to Kendall, like he was five again.

"Kendall, please, just hold on" I begged, seeing his breathing falter. I kissed him, the taste of his blood on my lips, like the dream. He kissed me back with the remaining energy he had. A stretcher busted through the door. He was lifted from the bed and onto the stretcher. I couldn't stop the tears that were sliding down my cheeks. I ran with them to the ambulance and I refused to let him go. I kept a hold on his hand no matter what. In the ambulance they didn't seem to go fast enough.

"Please, please keep breathing" I whispered into his ear.

"Cami" he breathed "I love you"

"No, Kendall, this isn't the end. This is going to be fine" I cried. He closed his eyes. I refused to let him go.

"Kendall! Open your eyes! You wouldn't let me go, so I'm not giving up this easily" I yelled, the sobs getting stuck in my throat.

"I'm sorry" he murmured.

"No, don't say that, this isn't goodbye" I put my hands on either side of his face. He was removed from the ambulance. I went with them as far as I could. I expected them to go to the operating room. I couldn't bear to see this. The guys and Mrs Knight were in the waiting room.

"Katie is with Sara. She doesn't need to see this" James told me. I couldn't take it. I leaned against a wall and slid to the floor. The sobs erupted from my chest and throat. I cried like there was no tomorrow, because it felt like there wouldn't be one without Kendall. Tears drenched my pyjama pants. Mrs Knight wasn't crying anywhere near as hard as I was. James and Logan tried to comfort me, Carlos sat with Mrs Knight. I couldn't do this. How could Kendall handle me being in there before?

"If he dies, I'm going with him" I said through my tears.

"He won't die. We promise" Logan whispered.

"He can't. I need him" I cried. I sat there, tears falling down my face, for close to five hours. Just as the sun was rising over the horizon and brightened the room the tiniest amount, a doctor emerged.

"Knight Family?" a doctor said. The look on his face was unreadable.

"Over here" Kendall's mum called.

"He's critical. It doesn't look good. If he's lucky he'll pull through. But, he's unconscious at the moment and will be for some time. Possibly three hours. Maybe more."

"Can we see him?" I asked.

"Yes, but to begin with we'll go one at a time"

"Mrs Knight-" I began.

"Sweetheart, he loves you, you love him. Go on. I want you to be there when he wakes up."

"But you're his mom"

"And you're the girl he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Please, go" she begged. I stood, smiled weakly and hugged her in thanks, and went with the doctor to the room he was in. He was hooked up to an EKG, a nasal cannula and a blood bag. His eyes were closed, and he was barely breathing. I sat on the chair next to the bed and took his hand.

"Kendall, I love you. I have your initial tattooed on my back. You have done so much for me, and I haven't done anything for you. But I need you to stay with me. Please. So I can repay you for everything you've ever done for me. Please" I whimpered, tears threatening to spill over again. I stood and kissed his unmoving lips, crawling onto the bed and putting his arm around me. I let myself fall asleep there, pretending that this hadn't happened.

I stirred when the door opened. Logan came in and sat where I had originally sat.

"He's going to be fine, Cami." He told me.

"I still don't want to let go" I murmured, my head on Kendall's heart. His heartbeat was steady.

"You have to at least eat something"

"Fine, but I'm not leaving the hospital" I shrugged Kendall's arm off gently "even if I am in my pyjamas"

"No one said you have to. Come on. Everyone is in the cafeteria, and Sara brought some fresh clothes for you. You look like a horror movie." He chuckled. I looked down and saw the blood all over my white singlet and purple pyjama pants.

"I guess so" I mumbled. I went with him to the cafeteria, ate something and changed my pyjamas. I don't know what I ate; all I know is it didn't taste like anything. I think I was heartbroken. The shock of it was killing me from the inside. I rarely left the room where Kendall lay, un-moving. The doctor said three hours. This monotonous routine went on for eleven days. I swear it was amazing that I could still cry. I had spent the whole time with tears sliding down my cheeks in a ball in the hallway outside his room, in the shower that was in a room in the corner of the hospital room, in the cafeteria, or asleep on the bed with my head over his heart, listening to his heartbeat, as proof he was still there with me. By the eleventh day he was left on nothing but the nasal cannula and a heart monitor on his chest. I let his mother and Katie go in for a little while after I emerged from the shower. I stayed outside the door. Suddenly I heard Katie squeal. I put my hands over my ears and pulled my knees to my chest. The noise hurt my ears. My face was still stained with tears when they opened the door. I sat in perfect view of Kendall and he could see me.

"Cami!" Katie squeaked "he's awake and he wants to see you..." she looked at me carefully "are you alright?"

"He's awake?"

"Katie, Move over" Kendall called. Katie moved out of the way and I saw Kendall sitting upright in the bed. He saw me crying in the hall, curled up and freaking out. As soon as I laid eyes on him I stood up slowly.

"Kendall! Thank god!" I shrieked. I jumped onto the bed, avoiding all tubes and cords, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him, tears of happiness running down my face. Breaking the kiss, our foreheads stayed together, his covered in matted hair and mine slightly wet from my hair dripping onto my skin. We smiled.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I love you too" he smiled. Our lips pressed together again. I never wanted to let go.

"Ahem, still here" Katie cleared her throat. I clambered off of him and sat next to him, his arm still around me. He wiped the tears from my eyes gently.

"Kendall, we were so worried." Mrs Knight told him. James and Logan entered the room, Carlos following behind them.

"Cami had a bit of a breakdown" James chuckled, ruffling my somewhat wet hair slightly. Kendall hugged his mom and his sister, he high-fived the guys and he kissed me again. He was energetic for someone with a bunch of stitches in their stomach.

"Really?" he asked, looking at me. Before I could answer Carlos cut me off.

"This is the first time she hasn't been crying since it happened" he called out.

"Uh, I know I just woke up and all, but can we be alone for a bit?" Kendall asked, hugging me close. They all nodded and left the room, closing the door behind them; Katie gave him one last hug before leaving.

"What's up?" he asked, seeing the tears still falling down my face. It was beginning to irritate me.

"As great as it is that you're awake, you're not out of this yet. Anything could happen. The thought of you...dying, it scares me. I had to learn to live on my own from when I was seven till I was fourteen. That was when we were best friends. Now look at us. I'm yours and you're mine. It's too much to even say boyfriend and girlfriend, so how would I live without you now?" I rushed through it.

"I promise I'm not going anywhere" he whispered. He kissed the side of my head again. I turned to him and kissed his cheek.

"Kendall, I'm in too deep. People keep telling me that. But the thing is, I know it, and I don't want it any other way." The tears had fallen and were stuck on my lips. He wiped them away with his thumb, putting his hand on the side of my face. He kissed my lips again, and I put my arms around his neck. He put his arms around my waist. They had taken the nasal cannula off now. They checked his heartbeat regularly. I almost refused to leave the room. He was allowed to wander around in a wheelchair. So as not to stretch the stitches in his stomach, he was told to use a wheelchair. I hated seeing him like this. But it was better that he was awake. He found it a bit difficult to move around, being bound so tightly in bandages and all, but he made it work. I rarely left his side, whenever I did; he took my hand before I was out of reach. I didn't touch him; he just reached out and grabbed my hand before I was out of arms reach. Nurses giggled whenever this happened.

"It's like we're background characters in a romance novel" I heard a nurse say to another nurse. I chuckled. Sometimes I sat on his lap and someone else pushed the chair, which was when things got funny. Everyone was begging for a turn, we all thought it was hilarious. Carlos didn't even give Kendall enough time to get out of the chair. He sat on him and James let it fly down the hallway. I tried so hard not to laugh.

**Kendall's POV**

She rarely smiled while we were in the hospital. It hurt to know she was crying because of what had happened to me. I don't even know what happened. All I know is I had woken up to a sound in the corner of the room, and I sat up. Next thing I knew I had a blade stabbing into my stomach. It hurt like all hell. But I refused to show any pain. I was going to just lie there and spend my last moments with Cami, holding her close, but she woke up. Now she never laughed. She never smiled. Whenever I saw her if I hadn't been with her she was crying. Whenever I saw her smile, I felt like I glowed. It hurt me to see her cry, but she did now and it was because of me. When that nurse said it was like a novel, she wasn't kidding. It hurt me to see her so sad like this, and it hurt her to see me this way. I really wanted to hold her close and cry with her, but I knew if I cried she would cry more. She was going to dehydrate herself at this rate. Whenever I saw her crying, I didn't care what the doctor said; I stood up out of the wheelchair, walked over and held her until she stopped.

"Kendall, do you ever think that maybe love stinks?"

"Yeah, but it depends, if you love the person it stinks. If you're _in_ love with them...whole different hockey game" I smiled.

"Well, we're in a hockey game of our own then. I've never seen anyone else go through this much trouble" she grimaced.

"But, that means we have our own rules. If anyone says we can't do something, we can tell them, it's our hockey game" I reminded her. Suddenly James came in.

"We got it, it wasn't easy, we had to fight some other chick for it but- oh... Seeya!" he said, disappearing within seconds.

"What was that about?" she asked.

"Nothing" I smiled. _At least he got the necklace _I thought to myself. I was getting Cami an emerald and diamond necklace for her nineteenth birthday next week. She shrugged it off. I breathed a sigh of relief, seeing her smile for a moment.

"I thought I'd never see that again" I chuckled, hugging her tighter. It made the stitches ache, but it didn't matter to me at that second.


	9. Chapter 9

**One week later (Cami's birthday)**

James had managed to slip the necklace to me. I don't know why I got green, I guess it was just a colour that ran in our families, I had green eyes, she had blue-green, and her niece had green eyes. It was everywhere, maybe that's why. Maybe I was so used to seeing green that I figured she should have green on her neck. I was allowed to leave the hospital on her birthday, and may I just say, FINALLY! That place holds too many bad memories to be there for two weeks. I slept in my bed for the first time in ages, finally able to keep my arms around her while I did. I could feel her heartbeat through her back on my almost bare chest. I missed that. Her brown hair shone slightly in the light of the morning sun. She was beautiful while she slept. I had missed her brown hair. She looked nice with red, but her brown hair suited her better. I watched her sleep until she woke up. She stirred slightly, rolling over and cuddling into my chest. My stitches ached a little, but not much. I smiled when I felt her blink; I could feel her eyelashes on the skin of my arm. She peered up at me and smiled.

"It's amazing how much I missed waking up to that" she whispered.

"It's amazing how much I missed seeing you wake up like that" I chuckled. "Happy Birthday"

"Thankyou" she smiled, having almost forgotten thanks to all the drama in our lives at this point. I rolled over and sat up carefully, taking the little box out of my nightstand. The wooden box shined and reminded me of her hair. I handed it to her and she smiled. She opened it. When she saw the contents she had no idea what to do.

"Kendall...it's beautiful" she marvelled. The necklace was a regular silver chain, but the charm was a bar of polished silver with a line of diamonds down the middle, ending in a small row of square emeralds. She took it out of the box and looked at it closely. I took it from her hands and she lifted her hair, allowing me to put it on her neck. I saw that in a movie and wanted to do it ever since. She was smiling and glowing. It felt as if I was looking at a miracle. I put my arms around her and kissed the side of her head. James and Logan ambushed us and Carlos wasn't far behind. All of them had something hidden behind their backs.

"Good Morning! Happy birthday!" chorused around the room. She smiled and hid her face in my chest, blushing.

"Guys! I told you not to get me anything" I heard her say. I laughed.

"We did anyway" Logan smiled.

"Open mine first" Carlos said, acting like a five year old. She laughed as he placed the present in front of her. It looked to be the size of a shoebox, but a lot deeper. Within three seconds James had picked a fight and Logan was under the bed. In the end, Carlos had gotten her a huge box of paints, Logan had gotten her a microphone stand, and James had gotten her the game of _Guitar Hero_ on the PlayStation 3. She loved all of them. The first thing she did that morning was beat the shirt off of James's back. Literally. They made a bet saying whoever won a round of _Guitar Hero_ would lose their shirt for two hours. I warned them that if she lost they couldn't stare. It's not like she would lose her bra, but still. She isn't flat chested . In the end I had nothing to worry about. She beat him badly. We didn't really do anything special. Sara and Chris gave her $100. Kayla drew a picture. Brook was nearly one; she would be in a month. The day was spent playing guitar hero, listening to music and talking. When I went looking for Cami at one point, I found her room had been rearranged. Her bed was pushed into a far corner and the rest of the room was occupied by a microphone and guitar. She had been singing to herself when I entered, this was after everyone had left.

_"I know, nothing is perfect. And I know, that not everything is promised. But you see, you're a miracle, a shining light. A reason for me to breathe. You promised me."_ she sang quietly as she moved things around. I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and made up my own words.

"_I know that what I say sounds, unrealistic at best. But you're a dream, nothing can match. I'm sorry if, I get attached. I won't let you go, that's what I promised you." _I sang into her ear. She blushed. I could just see it.

"You were spying on me?"

"I like to think of it as 'secretly observing'" I joked. "I love the set-up"

"Seriously?" she looked shocked. I laughed.

"Yeah seriously, very professional" I smiled. I turned her around to face me, and that's when I saw it. She had been crying. Her eyes were slightly red.

"Who's ass am I kicking?" I asked. She smiled sadly.

"No ones. It's just that I wish every year that my parents could share my birthday with me, but they're too drunk or don't care, I'm used to it, but it still hurts" she explained. Her voice cracked on the last word, fresh tears threatening to spill over. I held her close. I stretched my head up and rested my chin on the top of her head. She was barely shorter than me. She fit perfectly in my arms, like we were made perfectly for each other. And I loved it, I loved everything about it. I stood there with her, feeling her tears seep into my shirt.

"You have a ton of people who do care about you, so don't waste your time wishing other people did when you already have a family as awesome as us" I smiled. She chuckled in spite of herself.

"So how are the stitches?"

"Still painful, and yours?" I grimaced slightly.

"Still annoying. And the gauze pad isn't helping much" she said, we had almost forgotten about them but they were still there, still hiding from infection under a gauze pad. She reached up and rubbed at the strip of white on her neck.

"You need to change that thing" I reminded her.

"I know, I have to change it once a week, I should probably do that now" she smiled at her forgetfulness. She turned and went to the bathroom, taking another strip of gauze from a drawer. She carefully peeled the used piece off of her neck. The stitches were disappearing slowly. At that point it looked like she had a dent in the side of her neck that was covered by a long stripe of stitches that blended in with her skin. She hissed and I saw that she had accidentally pulled a bit too roughly and the skin had torn slightly.

"Dammit, that's the third time I've done that" she spat at herself, holding a couple of tissues to the now bleeding area. It was actually pretty fascinating to see how she dealt with this sort of thing. She kept a cool head and didn't get too pissed, just a little irritated with herself. I stood next to her. She gently removed the tissue and opened the gauze pad, I saw the tear in her skin.

"That is going to sting tomorrow" I winced in sympathy.

"It burns right now" she told me. It looked almost like a blister that had been ripped open. The gauze pad soon covered it and the old one and bloody tissue were in the bin. Back in the main room on the couch, everyone was fighting about who would kick whose butt on _Guitar hero_.

"Guys! Alternating teams," She shouted "One singer per team, one guitar player per team. Winners choose the opponents." Everyone handed us the guitars. She had downloaded a few extra tracks on the game. The first track she picked was _here without you _by 3 doors down. She was on the microphone. She and James were head to head on vocals, Logan and I were on guitars.

"_A hundred days have made me older, since the last time that I saw your pretty face"_ she sang perfectly. She and James were worthy opponents. It was a fair game, an even match. We both had the same skills as our opponents. We all ended up singing along, some more quietly than others because these microphones were really sensitive. They could hear us from behind our partners. When it came to the outro where the vocals got more intense they both had a mini-volume contest. The loudest singer would get more points. The outro was intense. James had a higher voice than Cami though, so Cami's voice was better suited

"_Everything I know, and anywhere I go. It gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls, and when it's all said and done. It gets hard but it won't take away, my love. Oh whoa_" she belted it out as loud as she could and with as much passion as she had. It turned out that she sounded better than the original singer. The song ended thirty seconds after.

"We win" I smiled.

"Yeah, but she's a powerful singer" Logan reasoned.

"And I'm not!" James sounded offended. I laughed.

"Not as powerful, and your more of a soprano or a tenor. I'm more alto or tenor. I can't hit the high notes" she told him.

"It is true that lower voices are more powerful voices. Let's see how she is on guitar" Carlos said, sounding smart for once. I laughed.

"James learned that one first hand. Still cold?" I asked him. He shuddered at the thought, she laughed. The next three hours were spent trying to find her weakness at this game.

"Guys, I have one weakness, and you won't find it" she told us several times. In the middle of the second song, something clicked.

"I know your weakness" I laughed when Logan was versing her.

"Sure you do" she smiled. I tried my theory. I ran my finger across the back of her neck. Sure enough, she missed a string of notes.

"You really suck, you know that?" she shuddered. I let her finish the song, eventually giving in to the temptation and tossing a pillow at the back of her knees. Her knees buckled, she fell forwards onto them, and she let the guitar solo rip.

"Didn't see that one coming" I smiled. Her natural talent was almost blinding. We played until it got dark outside. We wanted to go out for dinner to celebrate but she refused.

"Paparazzi would drive me insane if they saw me. They don't even know about us, all they know is you got stabbed, they don't know you have me. Paparazzi would never leave us alone" she reasoned. I nodded.

"True...but-"

"No disguises. I don't want to see people under wigs, I want to see my family. My family the famous band, who I love for who they are. And I can deal with them being famous because I hope they love me too"

"Well, that blows that plan. And we do love you" I smiled, pulling her towards me. The day went by slowly, but as long as she was happy I was happy...but that didn't last long.


	10. Chapter 10

She had been on her way to the pool to see me and a new girl had seen her. Clearly she knew who I was. She was wearing a big time rush t-shirt. The new girl introduced herself as Hanna.

"I'm new here and I'm a pianist. I was wondering, would you want to go out some time?" she asked sweetly.

"I'd love to, but I have a girlfriend" I told her nicely.

"I won't tell her"

"Uh you kinda just did" Cami stood behind her "Kendall, can I speak to you?"

"Actually we were about to leave" Hanna said, taking my hand. I yanked my hand out of her grip and stood.

"Do you mind?" Cami managed to keep a smile on her face. "Can you keep your hands off of him?"

"He's not yours" Hanna spat.

"Actually I am" I told her, standing up.

"You can't be someone's property" she hissed.

"But I can be the love of their life, I can be their best friend, I can be the one who really cares, I can be more than a boyfriend, I can be anything I want. And what I want to be is hers."

"And I want to be his" she continued "because to me he is all of those things and more. So leave him alone, because clearly you are crazy"

"Aww, thanks. But I always get what I want. Cameron!" she shouted to someone behind her. Instantly I recognized him. He was the one that had helped to terrorize her. The one I hadn't been there to save her from. Instantly I saw fear manifest itself in her features. Growing more and more the closer he got.

"Big brother, she won't give me what I want. I want him" she pointed at me.

"No worries Hanna. He's yours" Cameron smiled. He turned to Cami, who was frozen in fear. He lifted a fist, she stretched out a hand and blocked his shot. He went to strike her stomach, but instead struck her face. The ring on his right hand cut her lip. She fell back and Hanna took my hand again.

"Do you really want to be with someone who can't take a punch?" she asked.

"Let's see how well you take one" Cami hissed, punching Hanna in the nose, who then staggered backwards into the pool.

"Don't. Touch. My. Sister!" Cameron yelled, lunging at Cami, I tried to pull her out of the way but he was too fast. They fell into the water and he held her under. I jumped on Cameron's back and pushed him under the water. In his struggle he let go of Cami. Water was splashing everywhere. When I heard a pained grunt, I stopped. Hanna had a switchblade at Cami's throat and was holding her hair tightly. A lone drop of blood slid down her throat.

"Release my brother, and you can have the bitch back"

"Fine" I spat, not willing to barter for her life. Cami was released when Cameron stepped behind Hanna, who was barely tall enough to get out of the pool. Cami dropped instantly. Blood clouded the water a little bit. Not much, just a couple of drops.

"Ah, that stings" she hissed when she surfaced. I climbed out of the pool and took her hand, pulling her out with me. I was shocked the police hadn't been called, but the bystanders probably thought it was an act. We left the pool to go and get into some dry clothes. It was a cooler day so we didn't really want to stay out there, plus when you wear a white shirt that gets wet...it goes see-through. Not that it's a bad thing for a guy, but all the other guys at the pool were staring at Cami. Her black bra was easily visible through the shirt. She kept her arms crossed, but it didn't help too much.

"Are you alright?" I asked her, standing in the elevator.

"Yeah, but now I have to change this stupid gauze pad again. And you have to get new bandages because I distinctly remember-"

"The doctor said not to get my stomach wet. I know. I still hate when you get injured but you worry more about me" I said, putting my hands on her shoulders.

"And I hate when you do the same thing. I love you, but when you're hurt, I'm pretty sure it's important" she told me.

"Well, we're both hurt, so I don't matter" I was getting a little irritable.

"End of conversation, I don't want to fight over this" she finished.

"Good move. I don't either" I smiled. The elevator doors opened and we walked to the apartment, shivering slightly. Opening the door I heard the voices of the guys.

"Don't look! Wet white shirt!" I shouted. She blushed a little and the boys all looked towards the window. I caught James trying to look.

"James! Eyes out the window!" she shouted with a smile in her voice. I kept my arm around her, being freezing myself and judging by the fact she was shivering, it helped her too. The little red line on her neck stuck out on her now ivory skin. Being cold does that to her, normally she's got fair skin, the lightest of light pink coloured her skin, but when she gets cold, she turns white. I grabbed some clothes for me and a towel for the both of us, she grabbed her own clothes. She always changed in the bathroom. I literally peeled the wet shirt off my back and grabbed my hockey jersey and a yellow shirt to wear underneath. I didn't put them on until I changed the gauze pad. The stitches were intact, thank god. I couldn't put a bandage on without help so I had to wait for Cami on that part. I traded my cargo-shorts for jeans and chucked my shoes in the corner of the room. Cami emerged from the bathroom with her hair in a ponytail, a fresh gauze pad on her neck and a long-sleeved V-necked purple shirt with black cargo pants on. She knew what to do instantly, picking up the bandage off the bed and wrapping it around my waist.

"We never even called the police about this" she murmured.

"We don't need to. Nothing has happened since"

"Except for you almost died, were almost stuck without someone else, I was almost killed by those maniacs, and so...much...more!" she announced like a game show host. I smiled. She fastened the pin in the bandage, accidentally sticking me in the side.

"Sorry" she apologized when I hissed slightly. I pulled my shirt and my jersey on.

"What's up. You're all over the place today. It isn't normal" I said, sitting next to her on the bed.

"Nothing" she murmured.

"Need I remind you I know when you're lying?"

"No" she said, leaning on my shoulder.

"Then what's wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine" she insisted.

"Aha! You said 'it's nothing', meaning there _is_ something, and you aren't leaving this room until you say what it is"

"Hmm. Busted" she smiled in spite of herself. She flopped back onto the bed, grimacing.

"Very busted. So what's wrong?"

"Cameron"

"What about him?"

"He knows family is important to me, he knows that I have you now. He's going to find a way to use it against me. I know it. I know _him_"

"Well, if he thinks he's going near us, he needs to think again" I told her. I crawled up next to her and sat up, she pulled herself onto my lap. I kissed her. Right when our lips met, Gustavo and freight train busted into the room.

"Hey!" Gustavo began "Whoa!" he shouted when he saw me kissing Cami.

"What?" I said.

"You're needed at the studio. Griffin wants another single or you're all FIRED!" he yelled the last word. I wondered if he ever got a sore throat from doing that.

"Can it wait?" I asked.

"For what?"

"Five minutes!" Cami said, getting up and closing the door in their faces. The lock clicked.

"He's gonna be pissed" I smiled.

"I know" she laughed, kissing me. They continued to bang on the door for the entire five minutes, when most of those five minutes were spent on me reassuring her that Cameron won't come near us. Those five minutes ended up being cut to three as the doorhandle fell to the ground and Katie stepped in, holding a screwdriver.

"DING! Times up" she said, dropping the screwdriver on the floor daintily. We smiled.

"Do you really have to go?" she asked, a sweet and innocent look glinting in her eyes.

"Yeah" I frowned, looking down at her as she lay across my lap. I kissed her again. "You can come if you want" I offered, looking to Gustavo for approval.

He nodded grudgingly.

"I'm in. Let's go" she smiled, kissing me. Katie gagged and left the room.

"Ok, let's go, don't make me change my mind" Gustavo groaned. She sat up and pulled a pair of black slipper boots on, they looked like real boots, but they were actually just slippers. I bought them for her ages ago and she still loved them. I pulled on my vans and we went. The car ride was spent attempting to gross out the guys.

"What if I do this?" I smiled mischievously. I kissed the side of Cami's neck. She smiled at the guys' growing discomfort.

"Okay, you can stop now" I heard. Suddenly a huge commotion erupted.

"Oh gross!" someone shouted.

"What?" Cami said.

"B-o-n-e-r" James spelled.

"Who?" Logan asked. I could see him cross his legs to hide it. I removed my lips from Cami's neck.

"Logan! That's just wrong!"

"You're the one being all...Euch" he shuddered "with Cami"

"And you're the one enjoying it" Cami laughed.

"Not true!" he protested.

"Tell that to your friend" Carlos said from the front seat.

"Ah, Cami, Kendall gave you a hickey" Logan said, attempting to change the topic.

"Oh did he?" she said, turning to me.

"Oops" I smiled guiltily.

"Well, looks like that's something else to flaunt" she chuckled, tying her hair into a ponytail to exaggerate the red mark.

"That's my Cami" I laughed, hugging her sideways.

"Well, has woody gone yet?" James laughed.

"Shut up!" Logan cried, a hint of embarrassment colouring his voice. I was just watching as they made jokes about Logan and his 'little friend'. She was laughing and smiling, and for once it wasn't an act that she put on like she used to at school. Plus it was hard not to stare at the red mark I had made on her neck when she was parading it around like that. All I could do was smile. When we reached Roque Records griffin and Gustavo were waiting for us. Griffin was mid-sentence with Gustavo when we stopped in front of them. I had my arm around Cami and the hickey was so blatantly obvious that Gustavo's mouth hung open when he saw it.

"Kendall, who's this?" Griffin asked me.

"Ah, this, Mr Griffin, is Cami."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Yeah" I smiled.

"What is that blotch on the front of your neck, Cami?"

"Well, that would be the effect of suction on my skin drawing the blood further towards the surface. It will take a few days to disappear" she explained.

"Suction from what?"

"From one of the four mouths in this band that makes you so rich" she smiled. She was being a smartass again. I loved it when she did that, and Griffin was chuckling.

"I'm hoping it would be the one with his arm around you" he smiled.

"Of course. And if he's lucky he may get one for himself, but if you prefer, I won't because it may ruin the image of your band. So I must apologize for any further damage that will be done" she joked. Griffin laughed aloud now. The boys were all laughing, I was blushing and smiling, Gustavo looked as if he could faint and Cami stood there as if it was perfectly normal to do such a thing. We went inside the building. Gustavo called Cami ahead to speak to him.

"Kendall, you've got yourself a winner, hang on to her" Griffin told me.

"I plan to sir" I smiled, watching her innocently flutter her eyelashes at Gustavo. He let her off this time. _This time_. She came back and walked with me to Gustavo's office.

"So I trust Gustavo has told you what I want" Griffin began, sitting behind Gustavo's desk

"You want us to write a duet like we did with Jordin Sparks?" James said hopefully.

"Uhh, no. We need another bonus track for your album. We decided that one isn't enough"

"_When it comes to you, and your kiss, no matter what you say, One just isn't enough"_ Cami sang to herself.

"Hey, that isn't bad" I said, drawing the attention to her.

"What did she say?" Gustavo asked.

"Sing it with me this time" she smiled at me. I nodded.

"_When it comes to you, and your kiss, no matter what you say, baby one just isn't enough" _we sang. Griffin nodded with the beat.

"I like it" he smiled.

"This kid is a miracle" Gustavo said, high-fiving Cami.

"See what I've been telling you" I whispered into her ear. She blushed a little.


	11. Chapter 11

The next thing we knew, we were coming up with more lyrics for Cami's song. And we had decided to name it just that, _Cami's Song_. People had made all sorts of things like that, such as Good Charlotte and their song _Harlow's song_. We saw no reason why we couldn't. The song had more lyrics, it had a tune, it had a backbeat, and it was nearly ready to go. I sat on the couch with a foot in the dip on the coffee table. Cami was across my lap. She was right about that hickey. It wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, it hadn't even reached its peak of redness yet, according to her. She had some friends who would know. Carlos lay under the coffee table. His head was under my kneecaps. I saw his finger edging towards the slowly bruising red spot on her neck.

"Carlos, leave it alone" Cami said, her eyes were closed.

"But I want to poke it!" he complained. We were waiting for Griffin's seal of approval on the song. We had recorded it and it was being played back for him. It had been half an hour. The song went for three and a half minutes. They had to discuss pros and cons about it, but it never took this long. Carlos went to poke her hickey again.

"ESP. be warned, I know when you're going to touch me" she said quietly. Carlos finally put his hand back behind his head.

"Well its official. That door is soundproof" James announced, returning with Logan from the door to Gustavo's office. They had been trying to eavesdrop and apparently failing miserably.

"Well, sit down and enjoy the view and Carlos if you try one more time I will bite your hand" Cami warned. I smiled. James and Logan were confused.

"Carlos wants to poke her hickey" I explained.

"And if he does, he pulls back a bloody stub of a finger. I missed lunch, remember Carlos"

"You're a cannibal?" he asked.

"No, I'm just strange. But he seems to love it" she said, pointing to me, not once opening her eyes.

"It's true, I do" I nodded. James and Logan flopped onto the chairs opposite each other and Cami played with the bracelet on my wrist.

"_When you've got nothing better to do. When you have nothing else to say, sing a song everybody knows, to get you through the day_" she sang from my lap.

"_keep the words going, make sure that they rhyme, if you can't do any better, at least keep them in time_" Logan continued.

"_and if you don't know the words, just make up a few, keep the song going, sing three minutes through_" I cycled.

"_If you can't think of a better way, sing along with us, it'll brighten up your day, forget about all the fuss_" Carlos sang from below the coffee table.

"_and all that we can do, is make up a fresh tune, something to sing to, to keep us pushing through_" James sang. We all sang random verses for twenty minutes in that one spot. Eventually we had run dry of rhymes. That was when Griffin and Gustavo emerged.

"Well, boys" Griffin started

"And girl!" Cami mentioned.

"Yes, and girl. I think we have our bonus track" Griffin smiled. The next thing I knew, we were all smothering Cami in thanks.

"Whoa!" she shouted, tumbling backwards off the couch. Griffin stood and watched, Gustavo was still speechless.

"Kendall, in my office" he shouted. I was either in big trouble, or I did something really good.

"What's up?"

"Your girl, that's what. What's up with her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like is she going to cause trouble for the band?"

"Um, I don't see how she would." I was a little on edge. Gustavo was out of character, he was never this...nice.

"Well, some girls get jealous enough to harm the band"

"Well, that won't happen. The paparazzi haven't even found out about us yet"

"They had that thing a month or so ago"

"That was before we started dating" I explained. He sat me down, pushed the chair in extremely close to the table and sat across from me. The desk was putting a load of pressure on my stitches. The pain stung my entire body.

"Well was that crap about you getting stabbed fake?"

"No, that was real."

"Oh, sorry about all the crap I said and not checking up then. I figured it was fake" he apologized.

"Okay, are you feeling alright, you are _never_ this nice" I chuckled slightly. We talked for about ten minutes about how Cami wasn't a threat to the band. Standing up, the pain shot through my body again. I had a major moment of disorientation. I leaned against a wall and doubled over for a moment. I was alone. My head spun, but it wore off. I kept going and made my way back to the guys and Cami. I leaned against the wall in the room for a little bit. My head was spinning again.

"God Dammit that hurts" I muttered.

"Are you alright Kendall?" Logan asked. Instantly they swarmed me.

"Guys! This probably isn't helping him" Cami's voice rang out from just in front of me. I felt her take my hand as she helped me to the couch. I sat carefully and put my head between my knees.

"Ahh" I hissed to myself. I felt Cami's soft hand on my back, gently rotating in little circles. I realised everything was deathly quiet.

"I'm fine, it's just a head spin" I tried to reassure them, but the quake in my voice wasn't helping. I tried to stand, but ended up falling back onto the couch.

"Whoa, that hurt" I grimaced. I kept my head between my knees and my hands on the back of my neck.

"Are you alright?" Cami whispered in my ear. Worry tinged her voice.

"I don't know, I think maybe it passed" I whispered back. I attempted to stand up, and the disorientation was gone, the pain was a minor echo, and I was fine.

"Yeah, it passed." I smiled slightly at the relief.

"Okay, as long as you're alright now" Cami was still wary. Everyone else just watched.

"So what now?" I asked.

"Home I guess" James stated.

"Sounds good to me"

We continued to try and gross the guys out even more on the trip home. It was pretty funny actually. The hickey on her neck that I gave her ended up more intense by the end of the ride.

"Could you guys maybe not do that on the back seat" Logan asked, who had now taken the responsibility of driving.

"It's my car" I heard Cami say.

"Would you prefer we were on the roof?" I laughed. I kissed her cheek, though all the guys were complaining it was gross, they couldn't stop watching.

"Perverts much?" she laughed.

"Well it's weird. How can he get a catch like you, but we get nothing?"

"Because he's smart, funny, talented, sweet, cute, odd, and we have so much history and so much in common. That's how" she smiled proudly. I smiled with her.

"Well, that shut me up" Logan said, shrinking a little.

"Not me. I have history with tons of girls, I'm charming, I'm hot, I've got great abs, I'm _the face_, and we're famous!" James complained.

"James, you are also extremely vain and don't always trust people. Remember?" I reminded him.

"Oh, right. That's shut two of us up" James said, going slightly red with embarrassment. When we returned, the day had gotten warmer, and Carlos, Logan and James went to the pool, I stayed in the apartment

"You can go with them you know" she told me.

"No thanks, I've already had a swim today. Plus, bandages. Remember"

"I know, but you can still sit beside the pool"

"And what good is that," I chuckled "when I'm on my own?"

"Good point"

"You do realise that mom is gonna have a fit when she sees that" I laughed, running my finger over the pulsing circle on her neck.

"She has a fit when we do anything" she smiled. I nodded, that was kinda true. We ended up sitting on the couch watching movies for the afternoon. We seemed to spend too much time doing that.

"So what happened back at Roque Records?" she asked me. I had to think about it.

"Well, Gustavo kinda pushed me into the desk a little too hard and since then it just sorta hurt. When I stood up it got really intense and my head started spinning. It almost burned." I explained.

"Well, are you alright now?"

"Yeah, the pain is just in the stitches now. It's nothing huge, it's just annoying" I reassured her. She put her arms around my waist and her head rested over my heart. She has done that ever since...well...yeah that. It's like she needs to know I'm here. It's actually really nice though, to know she cares about me that much. We just sat there watching whatever movie we could find. Nothing too interesting really. It was a little scary, but she was never one to be scared by movies.

"No way! I totally made the bigger splash!" James complained as they walked through the door. The usual argument ensued, and the usual solution was right on schedule.

"Kendall!" echoed from the door.

"Let's see...eenie meenie minee Carlos" I said, solving the splash problem, and I stood to leave as the aftermath corrupted them.

"Bull!"

"Leaving!" I smiled, picking a sleeping Cami up off the couch so she wouldn't be woken when things started flying. Subconsciously she put her arm around my neck. I wanted to annoy her and wake her up so badly, but she was so cute when she slept. I just couldn't. I put her carefully on the bed in our room, because she never used her room anymore my room had become our room. None of the decorations had changed except now there was the picture of the two of us that Katie had snapped while we were sleeping that rested on the nightstand and a drawer that contained her clothes. I tossed the cover over her and she shuddered at the cool breeze it gave off. I went into the bathroom to shower, seeing as how I hadn't that morning. The water calmed me, despite the irritating layer of plastic wrap around my stomach. It's interesting how water can stimulate or calm someone. I spent a lot of time under the water thinking about that. When I was in fresh clothing and had removed the horrible plastic wrap from my torso, I returned to my room to find Cami stirring on the bed.

"Hmm? Who broke something?" she murmured.

"What?" I asked, a little lost.

"I heard something smash"

"Oh crap, they didn't" I whispered.

"I think they did" she stared intently at the door, consciousness flooding back into her. I went out to see what the guys were doing, and sure enough they were trying to hide a broken picture frame.

"What did you do?" I asked, used to this sort of thing.

"Umm, Carlos threw James's lucky comb out the window so James threw Carlos's helmet at him, and Carlos ducked and the picture was behind him" Logan explained.

"Sorry" the two of them said in unison. I left them to clean it up and returned to where Cami was on the phone.


	12. Author's Note IMPORTANT

**Ok, this is an authours note, obviously.**

**because there has only been one authors note in this so far that was tiny, im just putting this in.**

**i apologize for any spelling errors in this note as i am writing with an injured middle finger (cut it open so i have seven stitches in the finger :( )**

**ok, I have NO medical experience whatsover besides any sicknesses i have had. All of this is absolute BULLSHIT. i made this up on the spot to satisfy my personal need for fluff and drama. i have been writing this for ages and it's not supposed to go anywhere or make any sense.**

**if there are plot-holes (such as the magical disappearance of cami's cronies [see chapter 1]) hahaha.**

**thats all i've got for now...**

**LATER! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Cami's POV **

"What do you mean my mother was hit by a car?"

"_Camilia,"_

"Cami"

"_Cami, your mother has several punctures in her lung, and it may be difficult to fix. But we were told to notify all family members in case the surgery goes wrong_."

"Surgery?"

"_We have our best doctors performing an emergency surgery as we speak to stitch the holes in her lung. We can save her, but if it goes wrong, then..."_

_"_Who was driving the car?"

"_A young man by the name of Cameron Brown" _I froze.

"I get it. Thank you. Goodbye" I hung up the phone and started to cry. My mom has to have surgery, she might die. I can't imagine where I would be without Mom. I would never have met Kendall, I never would have survived without her, I never would have discovered how much I love singing, we never would have moved to L.A if mom hadn't wanted to chase Sara when dad took her away. As much as I hate her, without her I wouldn't be who I am today.

"It's going to be okay, they're going to fix this, it will all be fine" he told me, rubbing my arm supportively. The tears fell faster. I needed to see someone. Without thinking I stood and left the apartment. I went straight to Sara's apartment and opened the door.

"Sara? Sara where are you?" I called out. Sara emerged from the stairs and she looked sad.

"Sara, please tell me this is some horrible joke"

"I wish I could, I really do" she said, tears threatening to spill over.

"Cami, I wish I could say this was all a dream, or that it was some horrible scene for a TV show, but it isn't, and I'm just as scared as you are." she said, her voice was weak.

"Why couldn't I hear it from you? Why did I have to get a phone call?"

"We didn't find out until just now, by a phone call, same as you" she told me. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I hugged her, and she hugged me back. I didn't want to let her go, but she had to go back to what she was doing, and I had to go home. I had seen her, and now I wanted to run. I left the room calmly. Kendall was waiting outside the door for me. I turned away from him and let my feet go where they wanted to. I ran up the stairs, I couldn't stay still in the elevator, I had to keep running. I went to the top floor of the palm woods, eventually running out of breath, but I kept going, pushing against the need to breathe. I ran straight out the door and onto the roof. The wall around the edge of the building collided with my stomach, knocking whatever was left in me out. I peered over the edge, and did the dumbest thing possible. I climbed up onto the wall, scraping and grazing my hands. I stood there, contemplating if I should take the two steps forward. I stood there just looking down, wondering what it would be like to fall and never get back up. Wondering what the trees and the sky would look like on the way down. Wondering what the initial collision would feel like. I heard a door close behind me.

"Oh fuck, Cami!" he shouted. My hair was in front of my eyes, almost like blinkers, putting me in a world of my own. I felt his hands on mine, trying to coax me down.

"Cami, please. Come off the ledge" he said calmly. I didn't move. I wondered what Kendall would do if I jumped. He'd probably jump after me.

"Cami, if you can hear me, do something" he pleaded. I squeezed his hand.

"Do you want to come down? 1 for yes, 2 for no" I squeezed his hand twice.

"Do you want to jump off? 1 for yes 2 for no" I squeezed his hand three times.

"I'll take that as a 'not sure'" he frowned, I could hear it in his voice. I stood there until a crowd of people swarmed at the bottom. I stared at them, wondering what they were thinking. Wondering how many of them I knew. I tried not to cry, but sure enough, the tear freed itself from my eye and fell down the side of the building.

"She can't just let this happen. Why did this happen?" I whispered. I fell to my knees on the ledge, not falling forward, not yet.

"It can't end this way. She was supposed to get better" I pushed the tears out of my eyes and I looked to Kendall, who still held my hand.

"How could Cameron do this? Why would he want to hurt me this badly?' I swung my legs over the side. I heard the crowd below gasp, but it sounded like a breath of air from up here.

"What did I ever do to deserve this in the first place?" I murmured. Kendall put his arms around my waist and pulled me down. The crowd below clapped. Kendall just held me tight. I stared down at the scrapes on my hands from climbing up and falling to my knees. The caked on blood was dry now, but fresh blood still found its way out. He just held me there, glad I hadn't jumped. I was so close to the edge, but I didn't want to go over. I didn't want to leave him behind. I couldn't do what Mom was doing. He led me away from the edge. I couldn't even see so he picked me up and carried me down the stairs. I buried my face into his shirt as he carried me. I let my mind wander, thinking about what might have happened if I had jumped. He gently placed me on the couch after opening the door with his foot.

"Did you guys see what happened before? Someone was going to jump off the roof!" Carlos said, like it was a cool thing.

"Yeah, I was there, we were close up." Kendall told him. I picked at the blood that had dried on my skin.

"Carlos, Cami was the one on the roof" Logan told Carlos. Carlos's face fell. I felt the couch sink slightly, and warm arms wrapped around me.

"Your mom is gonna be okay Cami. We promise" Kendall told me. I stood and left the room. I grabbed a towel and saw Kendall sit on the bed in our room where I went into the ensuite. I grabbed my pyjamas and my slippers and took a shower, without bothering to take off my clothes. I hissed when the hot water touched my scratches. It burned slightly. I had stopped wearing the gauze pad on my neck now, I was allowed to leave it off. I eventually wound up sitting in the bottom of the shower. I had left the door unlocked. I heard Kendall move outside. The tears and water mixed in with the blood that poured out of my hands and knees. Only when I started to cry audibly did Kendall open the door. He saw me sitting on the ground in the shower, fully clothed. He closed the door and sat on the ground in the shower with me, fully clothed. It was a medium sized shower that could easily fit three people. He just held me, watching the blood flow from the scratches on my body and into the water, which dripped down the drain. He let the gauze pad and bandages get soaked. To him, I was more important. I don't know how long we stayed there for, but it felt like forever. My clothes probably wouldn't come off when I got out. I know I hated my mother, I know I despised her, but it was really her drunken ways and horrible choices that I hated. She was still my mom, and I loved her under all that hate. I let the water take away my sorrows, my worries. Everything negative in my body until all that was left was Kendall and the need for sleep.

"Kendall?" my voice faltered.

"Yeah?" his voice was as quiet as mine.

"Am I going crazy?"

"No"

"Then why did I want to jump?" He hesitated for a moment.

"Because everyone does stupid things when they get bad news. And your bad news was huge, so you did something huge in return" he said thoughtfully.

"You wouldn't have let me jump, would you?"

"Never" he told me. "You are too amazing to let go of that easily"

"So are you. That's why I didn't jump." I told him. He turned off the water and took a towel to put it around me. We sat there in towels, just dripping dry. I didn't know what to do.

* * *

><p><strong>Kendall's POV <strong>

**1 week later **

I had never seen Cami like this. She actually _wanted_ to jump off that ledge last week. I was glad I was there, or I would be in a worse state. Her hands were grazed pretty badly, that wall was just crude concrete covered in paint. Climbing up there would have been a hell of a task. Her knees weren't much better. She had bandaged them herself and was refusing to talk to anyone but me. She wouldn't eat anything, she wouldn't move. All she did was cry. I hated seeing her like this. Now I know how Cameron could be so horrible. He had really hit her hard this time, and I know she was going to hit back. But it would take a while. She was really hurting. Her mom was the person who protected her until she was nine; her mom had saved her from so many things. The phone jerked me out of my thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Kendall?"

"Sara?"

* * *

><p>"What's going on Sara?" I asked.<p>

"Um..." her voice shook "she didn't make it"

"What happened?"

"They couldn't fix it in time. She literally drowned in her own blood." she said, I could hear she was crying. If she was crying and I was crying, Cami was going to break in two.

"I'll tell her, you go back to what you were doing. I'm really really sorry Sara" I told her, crying. I put down the phone and went to our room where I knew I would find Cami. Sure enough she was on the floor in the corner just playing with a lighter she had found in her pocket. I sat down next to her.

"Cami?"

"She's gone" she said knowingly.

"I'm sorry Cami." I don't know what else to say. Cami's eyes lost that glimmer they used to have instantly. All that was left was hurt and sorrow. She was just as gone as her Mom.


	14. Chapter 14

**6 months later**

She was slowly coming out of her depression. It was taking a long time, but better a long time than not making progress at all. The thing that really killed her was that her mom had died before Brook had even turned one, and she believed it was her fault. She knew Cameron had hit below the belt, and it resulted in her mother's untimely death. On the day exactly six months from the day her mom died, Cami saw him. She saw the murderer. I saw her snap inside. I saw the hatred and sadness rise, creating a huge storm of rage. Her muscles tensed, her eyes glowed with the hatred that filled her, and she took the nearest object, which happened to be a hockey stick, and she hit him across the back of his shoulder.

"What the hell!" he shouted, then he turned around. He flinched when he saw her raise the stick.

"You asshole! You took my mother from me!" she swung the stick and it collided with his head.

"Hurts doesn't it!" she screamed at him. I had to restrain her.

"Let go of me!" she shouted, breaking free of my grip, throwing the hockey stick to the side and kicking Cameron in the soft spot. She threw him into the water nearby and stood, breathing heavily.

"Cami"

"No" she said simply. I could hear the anger and revulsion in her voice.

"Cami" I tried again. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me" she hissed, throwing my hand off of her shoulder. She wasn't herself. She was in a state where she could hurt herself.

"Are you okay?"

"No, Kendall, I'm not okay. I just saw the asshole that took my mom from me and my family _intentionally_. I hurt him, but he's already out of the lake." I went to take her hand, but she yanked it away.

"Don't. Touch. Me" she spat, and ran in the opposite direction. I understood she was hurting, and I expected her to push us away, but when I returned to the palm woods, I found something I didn't expect. Cami was lying on the bed, with blood pouring down her arm. I tried to find the source of the scarlet liquid, and saw the pocket-knife in her hand.

"If pain doesn't hurt me, nothing else can either" she repeated over and over again. She refused to move, I pulled her onto my lap, threw the pocket-knife onto the floor, and began to bandage the self-inflicted wound on her wrist. She seemed to snap out of her trance while I was bandaging her arm.

"Kendall?" she asked, "What's wrong with me?"

"I don't know, but we're going to find out" I promised her. She wrapped her arms around me and cried.

**1 week later**

**Cami's POV **

"Mr Knight, Camilia will be fine, the stress caused her to shut down and her emotions took over her body. It was not her idea to slit her wrist, more or less a subconscious thought put into action when the thought was merely suggested. She probably heard about it somewhere on TV or in the newspaper. She was lucky to miss the vein" the doctor told him. I had been restrained in this hellhole of a room for a week, doctor's orders despite mine and Kendall's protests.

"So does that mean she can finally get out of there?" he asked,

"And finally get these bloody handcuffs off!" I shouted, knowing that they couldn't hear me unless I did; they entered the room where I was literally tied in a corner. I stood and did what I usually did, I pulled my arms down my back to the back of my feet and stepped on the foam covered chain. I yanked my hands with all my strength through the cord handcuffs, which burned like all hell, but freed me. That was probably the sixteenth pair I had broken that week.

"We still don't like you doing that Camilia" the doctor warned.

"You seem to forget, my name is Cami. And those things irritate me so if I can free myself, I shall" I smirked. Kendall put his arms around me for the first time in weeks.

"I trust you will be able to keep her in check?" the doctor asked him, sending a resentful glance my way. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Of course" he told him. I was given my clothes and my phone back and I went to change. Kendall had to sign some papers to get me released, seeing as how I was nineteen and had no legal guardian and he was the closest thing to a spouse or next of kin that I had. I put on a grey pair of jeans, a pair of black hi-top sneakers, a green crossover top and a black singlet-shirt. I sprayed some deodorant on and brushed my teeth before leaving. Kendall kissed the side of my head when I reached him.

"Well, thank god that's over" I said. That week had been torture. He smiled, took my hand and led me to the car. I rubbed my bandaged wrists lightly. I knew that they were going to scar rather badly. Kendall climbed into the driver's seat and we drove away from that horrible place for what would hopefully be forever.

"I really hate that place" I said, staring at it in the rear-view mirror, its business like windows and beautiful fountain deceiving all who drove by.

"I don't blame you, but at least we know it wasn't your fault that you went there" he smiled, things were awkward, but I guess that was because I had that crazy breakdown, which by the way I don't even remember. You would think I would remember when I beat the crap out of someone I hated with a violent passion, but I can't. It was all just a black haze. It scared me to know I was capable of such horrors. Well, as far as I was concerned, if I didn't hurt anyone who mattered, then no harm done. It was clear that I had hurt Kendall by trying to kill myself, but it wasn't my choice, and I think he took comfort in that.

"You know, you really scared us" he told me.

"I scared myself more. Have you ever just blacked out and when you wake up you find out you almost killed someone?"

"I can honestly say I haven't."

"It's even scarier when you find out that you did that and almost killed yourself." I told him. I rubbed my wrists gingerly, those cords really hurt.

"Bad idea to break the cords?"

"Sort of," I smiled "it hurts, but I hated those things." He chuckled. Some of the awkward tension relieved itself.

"You know I really missed you" I told him.

"I missed you too" he smiled, looking at me for a brief second, our eyes connecting.

Arriving home from that horrible place, everyone squished me. I can't say it was a bad thing, because it really wasn't. I hugged each of them.

"I missed this" I smiled, being ambushed wasn't such a bad experience, well...if you care about the people it isn't. Kendall restrained me by grabbing me from behind. James took my feet, and Carlos and Logan took to spraying me with silly-string. I struggled against it, but those boys were strong.

"You guys planned that!" I accused.

"Well, we learned from the best" James smiled, pointing to Kendall.

"And I learned from you" he smiled, finally letting me down when the boys had run out of ammunition. I pulled the blue sticky mess off my back, or attempted to.

"Well, blue suits you" Carlos smiled.

"Think of it this way, James wanted to use water guns" Logan told me. I looked to Carlos, who smiled innocently.

"Dude, don't do that, it's creepy" I told him, chuckling slightly. He stopped the instant my phone buzzed in my pocket. I checked the caller I.D.

"What the hell?" I said to myself. I answered the phone. "Hello?"

"_Cami, is that you?"_

"Dad!"

"_Yeah, it's me_"

"What do you want?"

"I _wanted to tell you that I've cleaned up my act and that I want to come back and see you and Sara_"

"You really cleaned up your act?"

"_Yeah, I've been sober for almost a year_" he told me.

"Well, where are you?"

"_I'm_ _in L.A. near that old park that you and Kenny used to play at_"

"I think you mean Kendall. I'll be there in ten minutes. I want proof that you cleaned up" I told him. I hung up the phone. He had bailed on me before, I wanted proof this time. I didn't know if I could trust him, but suddenly he wanted to be back in my life, maybe he knew about mom. I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Kendall asked.

"Apparently, to see my dad"

"Well I'm coming with you" he told me. See, my dad was never that bad, he was a drunk, but he never beat me. The worst he had ever done was leave mom, and that's when everything went downhill. I guess I had resented him because he was the reason that mom was an alcoholic. I remembered where the old park was and I saw a man with short black hair and a bit of a stomach sitting on a bench. I recognized him as my dad. He wasn't exactly muscular, but he was a bit intimidating. I pulled up the car and got out, Kendall followed closely.

"Are you sure you want to do this? It's not too late to turn back" he told me.

"I lost my mom before I could even try to help her, I don't want to do the same thing with my dad" I told him simply. As I approached, he stood up.

"Dad?" I said quietly.

"Cami, you look great" he said, smiling at me, Kendall had his arm around me protectively. It was only precaution, but still.

"Who's this?" he asked me, looking at Kendall.

"Dad, you remember Kendall" I told him. Kendall extended his hand for my dad to shake, and he did. They shook hands politely and Kendall's arm returned to my shoulder.

"Oh yeah, you're the kid she used to hang out with all the time" he remembered.

"That'd be me" Kendall said quietly.

"I want to thank you. I get letters from Sara sometimes telling me about how you guys have been going, and I want to thank you for looking after my little girl" he said, smiling at Kendall. I smiled, blushing slightly.

"So dad, where have you been?"

"Well, how about we get a coffee and catch up, I can tell you all you want to know" he said. We went to the coffee shop just around the corner and sat in a booth in the back.

"You know I left, but I went to Vegas for a while. I won a heap of money when I bet all I had, so I wound up with around 5 million bucks, so I bought a small house and a car and for the past ten years I've been living alone in L.A. I started going to an AA group and haven't been drunk for a year, and I figured if I could clean myself up, maybe I could be a part of your lives again. Nothing too interesting, but the money wasn't spent on anything huge, just to help me make a living" he told us all about this stuff that had happened to him. I could tell he was being genuine. If I could read any person in the world, it was my dad.

"And I heard about all that happened to you lately. I have to say, it isn't fun to hear the guy that your daughter is going out with got stabbed. Speaking of which, I hope you're alright now." He said, looking to Kendall.

"The stitches disappeared about a month ago sir." Kendall smiled.

"_Sir_," he chuckled "call me Mike"

"Sure, mike" Kendall said warily.

"So why the sudden interest in my life?" I asked, "You've been living the good life, so why get into something you let go of years ago?"

"Because I heard about what happened to your mother. I didn't want to give up something that was such a big part of me, I didn't want to leave you without what so many other kids have, and I wanted you to have something like a family again" he told me, her reached across the table and took my hands. I pulled them away. As much as I loved him, I wasn't exactly ready to jump back into the father daughter pool headfirst. It would take some time to adjust. He understood that.

"And I remember what happened when your grandfather died, and being nineteen now, and the fact that it was your mother, I know you would have reacted severely worse than you did when you were seven." He told me. I was amazed that he remembered. We talked for hours, about where we had been, what we had been doing, about people we had met. Dad even interrogated Kendall for a moment.

"So how serious are you guys?" he asked, looking Kendall and me over carefully.

"Pretty serious, why?" I asked in return.

"Well, I know you're nineteen and all...but I would prefer you didn't have the same issue as Sara" he said cautiously.

"DAD!" I shrieked in embarrassment "that's a little...well"

"I know I know" he said calmly. Sara was only nineteen when she had Kayla. She had to drop out of college to look after her.

"Look, dad, I know what you're thinking, but we haven't done anything like that" I reassured him.

"And I don't want to take advantage of your daughter like that" Kendall continued.

"Alright, just, when you do-"

"Dad, too much information" I held up my hands. He chuckled. He knew I had never liked that topic.

"Alright, alright" he said, holding his hands up in surrender. Eventually we found ourselves in the car saying goodbye to my dad.

"Well, that was awkward" Kendall laughed.

"And out of nowhere" I laughed with him.

"So what was that about 'the same issue as Sara'?" he asked, I forgot he didn't understand that.

"The thing about how Sara and Chris had Kayla when Sara was my age;" I reminded him, blushing slightly "it was a bit embarrassing for us because she had always said she was going to wait till she was twenty-two. Mum and dad were mortified, I honestly didn't mind too much. It just meant a bigger family for me." He nodded, remembering the conversations. I started the car and headed back to the palm woods. I thought about my dad, and instantly my mind went to that last part of the conversation and my face lit up red with embarrassment.

"Are you alright?" Kendall asked, looking at me.

"Yeah, just thinking about what dad said. You know, the awkward part" I could have sworn my face went redder. His went red as well.

"I would laugh, but that was really embarrassing. I really wish he hadn't said that" I groaned, releasing the steering wheel and turning the car off in the parking space. As we entered the palm woods, I saw a familiar sight. Paparazzi were everywhere.

"Oh crap, what did James do?" I moaned to myself.

"Amazing how we both instantly think James did something" and sure enough, James emerged from the pool, as orange as he had been when he was obsessed with tanning, and the paparazzi went crazy.

"James!" I shouted. "What did you do?"

"Giant cheese puff cannon didn't work" he coughed.

"And the paparazzi have _what_ to do with that?" Kendall asked.

"I kinda accidentally shot half a ton of cheese puffs at Mercedes, the paparazzi were following her" he explained. Within seconds a bright orange Mercedes Griffin walked into the building holding a little puffy dog that looked like a cheese puff with legs.

"The giant hot tub worked better" I laughed. Cameras flashed and caught Mercedes screaming her head off at James and Kendall and I, Kendall still had his arm around me.

"Hey! You made me orange! How are you going to fix this! You ruined my hair and this shirt was silk!" she shrieked. I tried to hold in the laughter. I rested my head on Kendall's side and a laugh escaped my lips.

"You think this is funny!" she shouted at me. I stood tall and looked her in the eyes.

"I don't know, would you say that an ADHD oompa loompa is funny? Cuz I'm looking at one and I'm trying not to laugh" I told her, she went to slap me, and I took her wrist.

"Try it again, Snooki, I'll break your nose" I smiled innocently. I released her hand and left, James and Kendall not far behind.

"Why the threat?" James asked, stepping into the elevator.

"Better than actually breaking her nose, plus when someone tries to slap you, you tend to say whatever comes to mind" I smiled, wiping the orange dust off my hand onto my pants.

"Oh, right" he nodded. Kendall wrinkled his nose.

"What's up?" James asked him.

"You smell like cheese, it's really strong, and kinda tempting" he chuckled. I put myself between the two of them.

"There should be cheese puffs in the cupboard" I told him.

"Actually..."

"James!" Kendall and I shouted in unison. That boy was just looking for trouble. As funny as that trouble was.


	15. Chapter 15

**3 weeks later**

My dad and I grew closer over the weeks. We got to know each other better, and he and Kendall got to know each other better. Sometimes the conversations got a bit strange, but we learned to live with it. Nothing was bugging me too much anymore, except the feeling that dad was going to leave soon.

"Cami, you're paranoid" he'd tell me, but I never looked past that. I never looked at his eyes when he said it. Until, one day I was sitting in the park with dad and Kendall when I brought it up again.

"Cami, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. You're just paranoid" he told me, which was the moment when I looked in his eyes. They were dark; I knew he was lying to me. I stood.

"I have to go" I said, holding back the urge to break. I walked for a moment, but then I began to run. I ran from what would eventually hurt me, that was just who I was. I was used to only fighting for survival, and avoiding pain if I could. I ran around a bend into a couple of trees and found a log that had fallen. I sat with my head in my hands, attempting to think of what I could do. My mind kept wandering back to my father and how he had been lying to my face for so long. I knew my dad, I could read him like a book from the age of four until he left mom when I was ten. I still had my Kawasaki in storage and storage was three blocks from that park. I stood and kept running, not wanting to stay still for long, for sake of them finding me. I entered the storage unit and sure enough, there it was. My jacket was in a box next to it with the helmet. My keys were taped to the inside of the helmet. I pulled on the leather and remembered the feeling, the good memories flooding back into me. I took the keys out of the helmet and I started the bike, the engine roared. I had missed that sound. I hadn't ridden it for nearly two years, but I knew it would be in good condition. I shut the door behind me and I took off down the driveway and turned onto the street. I couldn't go too fast in this area, so I headed for the highway. I could go as fast as I wanted there. The twists and turns irritated me until, hallelujah; I saw the sign that read 'highway ahead, take next exit'. There were never too many cars on the highway, so as soon as the wheels hit the asphalt, I gunned it, twisting the throttle hard and accelerating towards top speed. I spent twenty minutes going one way on the highway until it ended, so I pulled over at the little gas station that was at the end of the highway and filled up the tank. Before I knew it I had payed and was back on the bike on my way down the highway towards L.A again. I didn't want to go back, but it felt like I had to. I didn't want to go back to the place where liars and cheaters dwell, where money and appearance mean everything, but I had to. I couldn't desert Kendall. The twenty minutes spent getting back down the highway into L.A was stress-free. The wind on my neck, the power at my fingertips, the speed I was going at, even just the rumbling of the bike; all of it combined to the ultimate thrill. Unless you hit something, and lose control of the bike. I didn't see the slick of oil on the road until it was too late. I slid through the liquid and lost control of the bike, which then threw me off at 120m/ph. I rolled across the road, sure this was the end. The impact was taken in on my head, and miraculously didn't snap my neck. All it did was knock me out before the oncoming pain hit me. I woke for a whole moment to see travellers calling the ambulance. I felt blood in my helmet; it coated the majority of my face. I faded to black again.

**Kendall's POV**

Cami had run from her father, she must have heard something in his voice or seen something in his eyes that no one else would have. I stood and ran after her, but to no avail. I couldn't find her anywhere in the surrounding area. In the end her father went home and we decided to let her sort out whatever she had seen. Sitting in the apartment I had given up on trying to call her, her phone was off.

"Kendall that's got to be the hundredth time you called give it up. She'll come home when she's ready" mom told me.

"I guess. I'm just worried. She never runs off like that without a reason" I grimaced. The phone in my hand began to ring.

"Hello?" I answered hopefully.

"Hello, is this Mr Knight?"

"Yes, who's this?"

"I'm doctor Holland, Camilia LeBraun is being picked up by and ambulance as we speak and it was said no one was with her at the time of the accident, I figured you may want to be down here when she gets in. She was in a motorbike accident, apparently it looks as if she slid through an oil slick and lost control of the bike. She hit the ground at an estimated 120 miles an hour. The bike wasn't harmed but we haven't seen her yet" the doctor told me.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes" I told her. Instantly I grabbed the car keys and I stood up.

"Who was that?" mom asked.

"Cami fell off her bike, that was the hospital"

"She's had tons of accidents Kendall, she'll be fine" mom tried to reassure me instantly.

"Not at 120 miles an hour mom, she's lucky if she's alive" I said, terror shook my voice at the thought. I ran for it and headed to the elevator. The drive was horrible, the suspense was killing me, not knowing if she was okay or not. And the amount of time wasted trying to find a parking space killed me inside. I saw three ambulances pull up as I tried to find somewhere to park. The fourth pulled in as I entered the building. Someone rushed in and said someone was here. I saw the blood soaked patient in leather lying on the stretcher. Instantly I recognised the face.

"Camilia LeBraun?" I asked the paramedic. He nodded.

"Are you supposed to be with her?"

"She's my wife" I lied. He took me through to see her. She was coated in her own blood which was gushing from unknown places. Doctors and nurses clamoured around her, checking her pulse and cleaning her wounds. One of the doctors ripped her shirt open, put little foam circles on her chest and stomach and attached a four lead EKG. Her heartbeat, from what I heard one of the doctors saying, was dropping. I heard a horrible whining noise and saw them pull a defibrillator towards her. Her body jerked upwards with the shock and they pumped air into her lungs. This was sheer torture. How could anyone deal with seeing this let alone going through it? They spent about three minutes in a panic trying to get her heart going again, and when they finally succeeded they began to stitch up her wounds. I can't imagine how painful it would have been. I sat there just watching, not knowing what to do. The oxygen mask on her face was smeared with blood and her jacket and shirt lay open, revealing bruised flesh and a blood-soaked bra. At least she was breathing. I watched for an hour as they stitched up every wound, put a cast on her wrist and bandaged her shoulder. Stitches ran under her jaw and across her arms and legs, she was pretty badly broken. I knew it wouldn't stop her though. Nothing ever did.

"Are you Mr Knight?" someone asked me.

"Yeah" I said in a zombie-like state.

"I'm doctor Holland. We spoke on the phone" she informed me.

"Oh, right, is she going to be okay?"

"Mr Knight, Miss LeBraun is lucky to be alive. An accident like that is almost always fatal, it's a miracle that she even survived the collision with the asphalt" she marvelled, looking at Cami lying on the table.

"You didn't answer my question" I hissed, not in the mood to not be answered directly.

"She's critical, but she's stable. If she doesn't slip into a coma, she should be fine" the doctor told me, she stared at her feet. Cami was taken off the table and put on a stretcher again. I followed them this time. She was lucky to have no internal bleeding, but she did have a minor fracture in her skull from the initial collision with the road. It was a clean break, it would heal faster. She was taken to a room that had one other person there, and they pulled the curtain around her bed to change her into a hospital gown. Just one of the embarrassing parts of the job I guess.

"You two together?" the guy in the other bed asked. He looked to be about fifty five. He had dark-ish skin and a little bit of grey stubble around his face. He reminded me of Morgan Freeman. I nodded.

"I figured. What happened?"

"She had an accident, she came off her motorbike at 120 miles an hour and landed on the side of her head" I told him, sitting down in a chair between the beds.

"Ooh, that's gonna hurt when she wakes up" he said, I grimaced. "Just trying to lighten the mood, that's what my momma always told me to do" he explained.

"I don't blame you. I think when it comes to this people forget what humour is" I said, staring at my hands.

"What's your name kid?" he asked me.

"Kendall Knight" I said, extending my hand.

"Marcus Hankard. Just call me Hank" he said, shaking my hand.

"Alright hank, what happened to you?"

"Bit of an accident really, I got hit by a truck, broke a leg and my shoulder and apparently got minor internal bleeding" he smiled "it hurts like a drunk Scotsman punching me in the face" he chuckled a little.

"And there's no one to visit you?"

"Being 62, not really. My momma died a while ago and pops went with her, my wife recently died of cancer and my kids are on holidays because I told them they needed a holiday with their kids" he explained. He seemed like a wise old man with a sense of humour; he was one of those instantly likeable kinds. The curtain around Cami's bed opened and the nurses left the room. She had a blanket draped across her, and you would have thought she was sleeping if it weren't for the EKG and the nasal cannula.

"She's a pretty girl, Kendall. What's she like?" Hank asked me.

"She's sweet like a lemon" I laughed, even though I never understood that saying. "She had her moments where she can be frightening, but only to people who have hurt her. She can be defensive, she's extremely protective and she's amazingly talented. I've known her since I was little and I know she can handle herself pretty well, but she loves to have someone to help. I remember when we were little we would talk about what we wanted to be or do when we grew up"

_(Flashback)_

_Skating around at the rink we would talk about all the things we wanted to do. She was 13 I was barely 14. She and her family had come to Lancaster for a week._

_"I still wanna play hockey for the maple leafs" I said, shooting another goal. She smiled and skated another lap of the rink._

_"I wanna be a singer. Or I wanna get married, like Sara, to someone who cares about me, or protects me. I don't care if he's rich or good looking, I just want him to love me" she told me. She always had known what she wanted. _

_"I don't blame you. I mean, look at all the crappy couples in Hollywood, how many of them stay together?" I smiled._

_"Simple answer, none, because none of them find who they want while they don't have big heads. They let themselves get all prissy and up themselves before they find who they want, and next thing you know, BANG, cupid arrow on crack shoots 'em in the butt and they think whoever they meet is the person they love" she ranted, attempting to skate backwards like the figure skaters on TV. She fell forwards and landed on her stomach, hitting her cheekbone on the ice, letting out a small cry of shock and pain. I dropped the hockey stick in my hand and skated over to her. I dropped to my knees about two meters away from her and slid the rest of the way. Blood oozed out of her cheek._

_"Kendall, I'm fine. Remember what your mom always said?"_

_"No pain no gain, I know." I recited, helping her up. She wiped the little split in her skin and continued skating. She had always liked figure skating, seeing as how she was never that great at hockey. She just didn't have the mindset. I personally think she just didn't like it, but she did pretend to like it I guess that was because of me. Friends do that for each other. I don't know why. Every time she attempted a figure skating move she either pulled it off, or she would split her skin trying. When she was speed skating though, she had her own little flair. She would go as fast as she could, then she would drop to her knees, lay back on the ice, and do a rock star slide. One of the beginner classes entered the rink and we had to leave. I never did forget what she had said though._

_(End flashback)_

"Sounds like she wanted to prove her strength" Hank chuckled. I smiled, thinking about how that sounded like something Cami would have done. I watched her breathing for a moment. She had always been tough. I knew her too well to think she wasn't.


	16. Chapter 16

**another quick authors note, where it cuts randomly from one bit to another, there were supposed to be three asterisks there as a marker.  
>Fanfic cuts them out :(<strong>

The overnight wait was driving me insane. I learned a bit about Hank and several of his adventures.

"Are you kidding?" I asked, laughing slightly.

"No, he actually went out into the snow, shot the ground, and went flying; my boy was a weird child when he was 7. I don't know why his uncle even gave him the cap gun in the first place" he laughed. The sun tinged the room a light yellow from the horizon. Hank and I had been swapping stories all night.

"So how long did you two know each other for?"

"I met her when my mom took me into work with her. Her sister and my mom worked as waitresses together for a while. Sara is about eight years older than Cami. Sara had to take care of Cami for a day and my mom took me into work so that Cami would have someone to hang out with, after that we were best friends. I think that I might have been about five. Making Cami four at the time. Sara had to work young because their mother was...well"

"A liquor lover?" Hank asked.

"Yeah"

**2 weeks later**

It took close to a week for Cami to wake up. And when she did, the first thing she did was scream. Lucky enough there was a nurse there.

"Camilia, everything is okay. Do you know what happened to you?"

"Yeah, I came off my bike when I was going almost too fast to survive. So where am I and how long was I out for, plus what the hell is that horrible burning feeling on my jaw" she almost yelled from the pain. The nurse restrained her hands so she couldn't rip the stitches out.

"You're in the hospital, you've been unconscious for a week, and the burning is antiseptic on some stitches in your jaw-line." The nurse told her matter-of-factly "do you want a painkiller?"

"No. I'll be fine, as long as I know what it is I can handle it" she said.

"You're right, trying to prove her strength" Hank said to me.

"I guess so" I smiled, glad that she was finally awake. I had been in and out of that room all week trying to get information. The best information I could get was when she woke up she would be released a week later. Sure enough here we were, saying goodbye to Hank, who was being released the same day. The guys and my mom visited, but she refused to see her father.

"Why wouldn't you see Mike?" I asked her.

"Because he lied" she said straight up "he said he wasn't going anywhere, but I know my father and I know he's leaving soon. I don't know where and I don't know why but I know he's leaving us" she spat the word_ father_. I couldn't believe he would lie about that sort of thing. I guess she was doing what she always did, running from the problem before it became one. It wasn't a bad thing all the time, but sometimes it was. And considering this one would leave horrible mental scarring if she didn't run, I ran with her. Whenever her father's name was mentioned she would tense up. I swear I heard her growl once when my mom was talking about him. The fire in her eyes was admirable but scary at the same time. The passion she put into hatred was astounding. It seems she had a lot of things to put that passion towards though.

"It's going to be fine. We can ask him"

"He'll say what he always says" she hissed. It was like a child and a dog. A child will be terrified of the dog, and when the dog barks the child will run, but the owner will move in and calm the dog, knowing its intentions. Well in this case, the world was the child, Cami was the adorable yet vicious dog, and I was the owner. I was there to calm her when she scared the world.

"If you don't want to you don't have to" I reminded her. I never liked pushing her out of her comfort zone.

"What I want to do is get on my bike and ride. But I can't because of this stupid broken wrist, and the fractured shoulder isn't helping." She frowned.

"For arguments sake, where would you go?" I asked, actually curious.

"Probably back to Minnesota, despite how far away it is."

"Why?"

"because I miss the old days, when no one knew who we were, when family and friends could walk the streets without paparazzi scaring us at every turn, when if there was trouble it could all be solved on the ice." She said, her eyes were far away. She had a point. As much fun as L.A was, sometimes I just needed to remember where I come from.

"So let's go. We can't go to Minnesota but the next best thing is about four blocks from here." I told her. I grabbed my hockey jersey and my skates. My stick and a couple of pucks were in a cupboard near the door. We hit the ice within ten minutes. She had figure skates now. She had bought them herself. I just had my old lucky skates. It was like old times, she was attempting figure skating moves, and I was shooting goals. She had gotten better since we were twelve. It was pretty cool to watch her actually jumping off the ice. She still had her moments where she would land wrong or she wouldn't be fast enough. Not many people liked the rink in L.A so we were on our own. She skated as fast as she could in an attempt to do her old slide. She never had let injury stop her. She skidded across the ice on her knees, leaning so far back that her shoulder blade was just grazing the surface of the ice. I smiled as she stopped right next to me, carefully getting up.

"I forgot how fun that was" she smiled. I nodded and shot another puck. I had two left in the line, I would need to collect them in a moment. This puck, like the one seven years ago, had a mind of its own. It shot through, rebounded from the net, and went flying towards Cami's forehead. She ducked.

"I am too used to that" I heard her laugh. The puck stopped at the other end of the rink. We looked at each other for half a second, knowing each other's thoughts. I dropped the hockey stick and bolted forwards. She was going a fair bit faster than me. We were neck and neck, but she skidded, stole the puck and kept going in her loop, throwing the puck back to the other end and scoring a goal.

"Always were better than me at that" I smiled, she skated over lazily.

"I missed that, but god it pulls at the stitches" I grimaced slightly, running her finger over the tape that covered the stitches on her jaw. We stood with our eyes locked for a moment. She caught me off guard, sweeping her leg behind mine in a fluid motion and knocking me over. I feigned an injury.

"Crap! I think that cut the back of my leg"

"Sorry" she chuckled, skating closer "did it?"

"I don't know, you tell me" I smiled, pulling her arm which in turn knocked her over. She landed next to me.

"Ah, god dammit! Kendall!" she cried.

"Sorry, forgot you're injured"

"Not that! You cheated!" she pouted "you used an actual injury to get me back"

"You didn't cut my leg" I told her.

"Tell that to the nasty looking split in your calf" she said matter-of-factly. I looked at my leg, sure enough there was a cut running across the back of my leg.

"Well, whataya know, there is a cut on my leg" I chuckled. She slid herself closer and inspected it.

"It's not deep, you're fine" she told me. I stood and helped her up. She immediately skated down the rink towards the goal, going as fast as possible. When she stopped at the end, I knew she was going to rebound and go straight back towards me. Sure enough, she turned, and headed back my way. She sped up and scuffed the blades on the ice, showering me in frost. I turned to go with her, and she slipped, the blade sliding a little in her skate. She lost her balance and went down, hitting her shoulder and then her head. I stopped and kneeled by her, making sure she was alright. I rolled her over, noticing she wasn't breathing. I smiled, seeing her eye shut gently. I knew what game she was at. I kissed her from where I sat. She kissed back.

"Busted?"

"I saw you close your eye"

"Dammit" she chuckled, sitting up.

"You always stack at least once" I smiled.

"Yeah I do, don't I?" she laughed, getting back to her feet and skating off. She attempted to do what she called a 'Lutz' not that I really knew what that was. All I know is watching her jump from the ice and land with no problems in between was amazing. _I have got to start watching figure skating_ I thought to myself, not exactly for the right reasons though...HEY! I am a guy! I am allowed to think that way about Cami! And vice versa! Anyway, she was graceful and fluid. Even when she messed up she did it with an ease to it, if that makes any sense. I continued to shoot goals, keeping an eye on her because technically we were breaking the hospital rules. She was supposed to steer clear of strenuous exercise for a fortnight, but I know she wouldn't have anyway.

**6 weeks later**

The rink was our way of calming down and getting back to our roots. She had almost fully healed and was getting more and more adventurous on the ice. At first she had been attempting jumping and sliding, now she was attempting spinning while jumping and sliding to stop. She also was trying to push herself to go faster. She was getting faster the more she pushed herself. She would come home bruised but happy. That was when I decided that we would have to go back to Minnesota for even a week. I hadn't told her yet. I was on my way to tell her when a car swerved and stopped in front of mine. It cut me off and I didn't have enough time to react. The front of the car caved in and I lost consciousness on impact.


	17. Chapter 17

**Cami's POV**

Since I had gotten back on the ice, I was happier, but I wanted to be perfect at my routines. I wanted to go faster, but I couldn't push myself as much as I used to, eventually the stage make-up came out of the closet to cover the scars. If I couldn't be perfect, the blood would spill. My pocket knife was hidden under a loose tile in the bathroom. It was supposed to cover something but whatever used to be there had been removed ages ago. The knife didn't hurt as much anymore. Whenever I came home from the rink another scar would be added and I hid it with a thick layer of stage makeup. If Kendall found out about my strive for perfection and what I did when I wasn't, I know he'd hate me.

"Cami" someone called when I had just spilt blood. I hid the knife and rolled down my sleeve, glad I had chosen to wear red that day.

"In the bathroom" I called and picked up a hairbrush. I sat on the edge of the empty bathtub and brushed my hair, just to keep the person from finding out. Jo entered and she sat on the side of the bath with me. I was staring at the mirror and could see the inside of the sink. _Shit!_ I thought to myself _I forgot to rinse out the sink! If she sees that I'm sunk!_ I put the hairbrush down and attempted to keep her attention off the mirror; I stood and walked into the bedroom in an attempt to hide the blood in the sink. She stood and followed me to the bedroom and again sat next to me. _Crap, she knows!_ I thought.

"Cami, There's been an accident. Kendall's gone" she told me. My whole world went dark.

_ He can't be gone, he can't be gone, he can't be gone _I thought over and over again. But this is Jo, not Camille, not Mike, this is_ Jo_. Jo doesn't lie. She could see that inside I had just tipped over the edge. Now perfection wasn't a problem. Now life wasn't a problem. The problem was how I would go on. The blood staining my shirt was a burden, proving that I was alive and he wasn't. Horrible and graphic images filled my head. I didn't even stay sitting long enough to find out how; I instantly came up with horrible thoughts. Maybe he was stabbed by a mugger, maybe he drowned in the pool, or maybe he even just dropped dead on the sidewalk for no apparent reason. I stood in a zombie like state and went to the dresser, pulling out his old hockey jersey. I put it on and I left the room. Jo trailed behind me. I don't think she knew where I was going, and honestly, I didn't either. I left her standing at the door of 2J. I was as lost as Jo on this one.

**Kendall's POV**

I woke on the street where someone had pulled me out of the car. I looked over my stinging and bruised body to see that I was scratched all over and bruised to match, but somehow I was alive.

"What happened?" I asked someone who was rushing past.

"Car crash, you're fine. We were just waiting for you to wake up. Its honestly a miracle that you survived. The messages to family and friends already got sent out that you died though, mate. Sorry! You'll have to fix that one yourself. I have to keep moving, you're free to go. We already got statements that we needed for the police" he informed me quickly. I would have though the police would have needed my statement, but apparently not this time. I stood carefully and turned to leave when one of the things he said hit me. _'The messages to family and friends already got sent out that you died though, mate. Sorry'_. Cami! I had to find her. If she didn't get the message herself, trust Jo to tell her. I didn't care how badly it hurt, I just ran straight back to the palm woods and immediately to 2J. I threw the door open.

"Where's Cami?" I shouted.

"Kendall!" Jo shouted from her perch halfway up the outside of the slide.

"Yeah it's me, I'm alive, where's Cami? Please tell me she isn't on the roof again" I was panicking. Jo ran over and hugged me, the guys attacked me and high-fived and hugged me and my mother was freaking out, so I pulled out my phone.

"Hello?" a melancholy voice answered.

"Where'd you go?" I asked.

"I don't know, all I know is I'm sitting next to a goal" she said. The line went dead. _A goal_.

"She's at the ice rink!" I shouted; turning and running the four blocks to the rink. _ Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay_ I thought to myself over and over as I ran at top speed to the rink.

**Cami's POV **

**30 minutes before**

I found myself on the ice when I regained control of my thoughts. I didn't skate, I didn't move, I sat with my back on the wall letting the cold fill my body as if I could still feel it. The hall echoed with his laugh, with the sound of the puck colliding with the walls. The sounds of skates on the ice mocked me. I was glad no one in L.A liked the cold of the ice rink. I was always alone. I swear that rink would go out of business if we didn't use it. Occasionally a class was held on it to teach stunt actors what to do, but otherwise...nothing. My phone rang in my pocket; I didn't even check the caller ID. I just answered.

"Hello?"

"Where'd you go?" he asked.

"I don't know. All I know is I'm sitting next to a goal" I said pitifully. I hung up the phone, thinking it was James. I didn't realise the mistake I had made until the door to the rink opened twenty minutes later.

"Cami!" the person yelled. They couldn't see me from where I sat. I didn't answer them.

"Fuck" I heard him mutter "Cami!" they shouted again "Are you in here!" I saw them run onto the ice; I could have sworn I was dreaming. The blond-ish hair and green eyes were like a hallucination. He turned and saw me, tears on my face and all, hiding in the corner. He ran straight to me and slid across the ice on his sneakers.

"Cami?" he asked, unsure of what I was going to do.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"I was in a car crash, but I'm okay. I made it out with a few scratches but that's It." he told me, sitting beside me. I know I was hallucinating. I couldn't feel his arms when he wrapped them around me.

"I'm hallucinating. I know it. Jo doesn't lie" I murmured to myself, running my finger around on the ice that was biting my legs. I would never cut my arms again, never. I knew this was karma. He had been taken from me because I was hiding things from him.

"Jo didn't know, I'm fine" he insisted. I looked at him; his eyes had the glimmer they usually got when he was panicking. It hit me. The reality of it hit me. He was okay, Jo had heard wrong. He was alive. He was _alive_. He put his arms around me again.

"Do you believe me?"

"Yes" I whispered, the panic in my voice slowly subsiding. I put my arms around him and just sat there for a little while, letting the feeling of warmth seep through the jersey and into my skin. The cold that echoed from the ice and into my legs and arse was beginning to irk me, but the warmth from his arms combated it. When I finally stood, I slid across the ice, my skates leaving a trail behind me. I didn't even remember changing into skates. I left the rink, Kendall following close behind. I sat on one of the many chairs surrounding the ice and changed back to my sneakers.

"Why are you wearing my jersey?" he asked, a little bit of humour tinged his voice.

"Because when you think you've lost someone you tend to hold onto something of theirs as if it's life support. This was my life support" I explained. I pulled my sneakers on and he sat next to me. I could see the small amounts of dried blood on his arms and on his neck. It brought the graphic images back to mind. I felt the tears stinging my eyes, threatening to break free. _ No,_ I told myself _no. He's sitting right in front of you. He's fine. Let it go. It was an accident, but nothing happened. LET IT GO_ I continued to tell myself. I think I was getting to be past delusional. But as long as I had proof that he was okay I know I would be fine. I don't know how long I sat there just thinking. Not talking, not moving, and barely even breathing. Just thinking. Thinking about how close this was, thinking about how I would have been lost if this hadn't been a mistake, thinking about what would have happened if this wasn't a mistake. All I know is by the end of it it was dark outside. Leaving the rink was like leaving behind a lifetime of memories that I never wanted to remember again, I let it go and I tried not to associate them with the ice. The ice was still a place to think. Whatever memories resided there was not my fault. I turned the radio in the car on to drown out whatever thoughts tried to fry my brain. A song I knew from my younger years was playing.

"_I'll be there for you  
>These five words I swear to you<br>When you breathe I want to be the air for you  
>I'll be there for you<br>I'd live and I'd die for you  
>I'd steal the sun from the sky for you<br>Words can't say what love can do  
>I'll be there for you"<em>

I loved that song so much. Kendall was mouthing the words. When we pulled up under the palm woods in the basement parking lot, Kendall got out of the car, I sat there and just broke. Everything that was holding me together, every single fissure, every metaphorical stitch and suture just snapped. I was sitting with my arms across the top of the steering wheel while I rested my head on them. The tears fell from my eyes, down my cheeks and onto the leathery surface. I could see the rear view mirror, but barely. What I saw in the rear view mirror was Kendall standing there, staring at me. The look on his face...i could see he was torn. A few tears slid down his cheeks. The impact of what happened had hit the both of us. We had finally seen that we were so close to being taken away from each other, so close to losing each other. Permanently. I had lost my mother and father, I couldn't lose him too. He didn't move towards or away from the car. All that moved were our lungs. When the time came that I finally opened the door, I let the hurt and fear over take my body. I stepped out of the car, locked it, and fell to the ground. The pain of it all was too much to take. I felt him sit next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder and the tears just kept falling. No words were said. No words _needed _to be said. We just sat there until people emerged into the parking lot to leave the building for the 'dinner rush' as Mr Bitters called it. Everyone who was going out for dinner would leave roughly at that time. We left the spot next to my car when they began to leave. I didn't want to stand up, but I didn't want to make Kendall carry me. I trudged towards the elevator and pressed the button, Kendall kept his arm around my waist to stop me from just sliding down the wall again. Back in 2J, I felt sick. Sure enough the moment I stepped through the door I rushed to the bathroom. Sara had always said stress can make you physically sick. She wasn't kidding. My hair was lifted off the back of my neck and held in a ponytail while my stomach emptied itself into the toilet bowl. I wiped my mouth on some clean toilet paper and flushed the foul smelling substance away. Kendall let my hair fall around my face again as I stood to brush my teeth, where I saw the blood in the sink. I had never washed it out that afternoon. I rinsed the sink, knowing he had already seen it and knowing he hated me now, and brushed my teeth. When the taste had left my mouth after close to five minutes of scrubbing with a toothbrush, I turned around.

"I'm guessing you hate me now" I frowned.

"Why? What on earth could make me hate you?"

"The blood in the sink, not that I'm ever doing that ever again. I came too close to losing you today, I don't know why I would keep doing that and make it happen" I grimaced, sitting on the side of the bathtub. Kendall sat with me. He took my arm, stretched it out in front of me and rolled up my sleeves, exposing the many cuts.

"I've got no idea what drove you to it, and I've got no idea why you snapped out of it, but one thing is for sure. I could never hate you for it. I'm not that kind of person, but I'm glad you're not going to do it again." He told me calmly, tracing the oldest ones. I was shocked at how well he was taking this, when he heard about how badly my life had been going he wanted to beat the shit out of my father and mother.

_(Flashback)_

_"Cami?" he asked me, kneeling in front of me while I sat with my arms around my knees on the floor. _

_"Cami what's wrong?" the fifteen year old asked me. _

_"Everything" I murmured, fresh tears escaping my eyes. "Maybe if I died, then everything would be okay. Every night I wish I wouldn't wake up" I cried. He was at a loss. _

_"What are you talking about?" he asked, completely mystified. _

_"This is what I'm talking about, Kendall" I said, wiping fiercely at the side of my face as I stood, exposing the bruises I had covered so well with makeup. I tore my shirt off so I stood wearing nothing but a dark purple bra. The welts and bruises and cuts were finally exposed. _

_"And you don't want to see what my step-dad does that my pants hide" I shouted. He stared at me, shocked._

_"How long has this been happening?"_

_"Since a year after you left" I shouted again, I felt like I should be blaming him for leaving me, but I wasn't capable of hating him._

_"They figured I had no one else to lean on, to save me from a horrible path, so they decided what use was I but a breathing punching bag?" I screamed. The halls were empty, and I was glad. If anyone had seen me I would be the talk of the school. My step-father would kill me. He would probably rape me again first. My mother never knew, my father wasn't there to know, and I refused to let my sister find out about what he did to me. Kendall only found out because of this outburst. I pulled my shirt back on and ran. I don't know where I ran to; all I know is in situations like these I was trained to run. I had trained myself to run from problems, to save myself from whatever was coming. Kendall, on the other hand, was a problem at that moment. Instead of letting me run, he followed me._

_"Cami, wait!" he yelled behind me, I kept running until tears blurred my vision and I tripped over. He caught up to me before I could stand. _

_"Cami, are you alright?" he said, helping me stand. A month afterwards my stepfather was on his way to jail and I had run away._

_(End flashback)_

I shuddered at the memory. I felt Kendall's finger running over the last and freshest cut. The blood oozed onto his skin.

"How long ago?" he asked, looking me in the eyes.

"About thirty seconds before Jo told me about what happened" I said, looking down guiltily. He put his fingers under my chin and lifted my head, but I couldn't look him in the eyes. After all he had ever done for me I had gone and made the biggest mistake of my life, and I couldn't face him for it. I was amazed that I could stay where I sat with him for that long without trying to walk away. That night I slept alone in my own bed. I avoided everyone for as long as I could. And that night I cried myself to sleep for betraying his trust. The next morning Katie came in to my room, being on vacation again, and sat on my bed.

"Cami? What's going on?" she asked me, that girl was too smart for her own good. "You and Kendall are...well you're like zombies" she told me.

"I don't know Katie, and frankly I don't know if you'd understand" I said dejectedly. I felt like I was going to break in two again, just like last night.

"Try me" she said, sitting closer. I began to explain.

"Katie, you know what happened to your brother yesterday, right?" I asked. She nodded. "Well for me it was a wake-up call that I have needed for a while. Have you ever heard of self harm?" she nodded "well, you see, self harm can actually kill a person if the cut is deep enough. And sadly, I was a bit delusional and...Yeah. I had been cutting my arms for a little while. Not deep enough to hurt me, just enough to make the emotional pain go away. But then Jo told me that Kendall had died, not knowing he hadn't, and I didn't want to anymore. I'm still confused because it sounds like he was the reason, but I know he wasn't. The reason was perfection, Katie. I have had such a hard life that perfection seems to be my goal. And every time I failed at perfection...you get the idea. And without your brother, I think I was lost. It honestly felt like I had been hit by a flaming truck full of acid coated spikes. It just killed me inside, and I realised that I had been taking myself away from him, from you guys. So I never want to touch a knife again. But for some reason, it still hurts to look at your brother, to think I had almost lost him like I had lost most of my family. I guess I'm scared to stay attached because I'm scared of the pain that comes with letting go." She just let me talk, answering with a nod or shake whenever I asked her a question.

"Can I tell Kendall this?"

"I guess so, maybe it would help." I smiled at the thought of everything being good again; playing with the necklace Kendall bought me absent-mindedly. Katie smiled slightly as well and stood to go and find Kendall. I got up and went to find something to change into, being in my pyjamas at the time. I opened my closet and put on an old men's singlet that I think belonged to Kendall, a pair of black cargo pants, my old black fingerless gloves, and a pair of black socks. I went to the kitchen to find something for breakfast, despite not being hungry, and wound up on the couch with a muesli bar. I knew that some of the boys wouldn't be awake. I crept around the apartment for a little while and took my skates from Kendall's room silently, thinking he was asleep. I left the apartment, needing to do something. As you can probably guess, I went to the ice rink and I skated to the middle of the rink. I hadn't seen the other bag in the stands. I was going to skate a lap, but the drive just left me. The cold embraced my skin through my thin jacket. I skated in a small pattern in the half of the rink where the lights were on. Eventually I didn't even have the will to do that, so I just let go. I skated from one side of the rink as fast as I could and I just let myself fall. I slid from two metres in front of the goal at the end and collided with the wall, as I had planned. I didn't see the man sitting on his own without skates on. I stayed there for a few minutes, but I sat when my eyes adjusted. I could see him, sitting there on his own. The way he was sitting tipped me off. And when he looked up for even half a moment, I saw the glistening tear tracks. I pulled myself to my feet and I slowly slid across the ice towards him. He looked up at me.

"I don't know why I did that. But one thing I know, is that I'm sorry" I whispered to him. A tear fell from his face and onto the ice, where a small pool had formed. I sat next to him and he put his arm around me, kissing the top of my head.

"It's alright, I won't lie, I would have done the same thing. But it does hurt me that you thought you had to run from the pain"

"I trained myself to run a long time ago. I didn't want to run but I just never experienced the good things that can come from pain." I murmured. I rested my head on his shoulder. He pulled me close, his tears still falling. I carefully reached up and put my hand on the side of his face, brushing away some of the tears.

"Why would you do that?" he asked, running a finger across my wrist where one of the many scars showed. I didn't have an answer, tears rolled freely down my cheeks, as if mirroring his.

"Cami?" he asked quietly.

"I guess it was because I'm not good enough" I whispered, shrinking in on myself.

"What do you mean not good enough?"

"I have so many flaws, so many things that hold me back. I'm not a normal girl, I'm not pretty, I'm not popular, and I'm not special. I'm just a shadow that walks the lonely roads of life." I felt empty as the words escaped my lips.

"I can't believe you would say that" he said, holding me even closer "You have no flaws. You aren't normal, because normal is boring, and popularity is nothing. Of course you aren't pretty, that's because you're the most beautiful thing in my life. And you're more than special. You're extraordinary, you're amazing, you're incredible, all the words in the world that fit that description don't mean enough." He told me, the tears on his face stopping. I sat for a moment watching his fingers trace my scars, when I noticed something. His arms didn't shine like normal skin does. I took his hand and rubbed it gently.

"Kendall..." I breathed.

"It hurts me just as much to see you do it" he said. They were fresh. All of them. All fourteen of them.

"Kendall... I don't know what to say...my past is my reason. I will never be any of those things you said, but you," I stifled a cry "you have no reason but me. Your life is perfect. You have everything. Why would _you_ of all people..." I let the hurt show. I wanted to pull away from him. I wanted so desperately to run, like I was used to. _If you run he has nothing left to hurt him_ a little voice in my head told me. I froze in my spot waiting for an explanation.

"When I see you in pain, it hurts me too. In more ways than one because I know it's me that causes your pain"

"Kendall, you help me, but this..." I found the willpower I needed to release his arms.

"It was a moment of weakness. I swear. I won't do it again as long as you don't either" he said cautiously. I had my plan in my head. I wouldn't ever let him see me hurting again, just not the way he'd prefer.


	18. Chapter 18

**Kendall's POV **

**The next day**

I woke again to an empty bed, thinking she had gotten up before me. I got up groggily and I chucked on the first shirt I found. I went into the bathroom and found something I never wanted to see. A piece of paper hung from the mirror.

_Kendall._

_The only words I can think of to say are 'I'm sorry', and I truly am. I wish I didn't have to do this, but I need to. If there is one promise I can make, it's that you won't see me again. I need to be where I belong. L.A isn't for me. You know where I want to be when everything falls apart, but please don't look for me. Don't make this any harder than it __needs to be._

_Camilia LeBraun_

My heart was ripped in two, and the tear drop on the page said that hers was hanging by a thread. I can't believe she could do that. I went to the kitchen in a zombie like state where I saw the guys on the couch watching cartoons. I don't know why, but I went to the drawer and pulled out a knife. I didn't see Katie enter the room. I held the note in my left hand, the knife in my right, and I raised the tip of the knife above my heart. I was about to stab through when Katie yelled.

"KENDALL!" she shouted. I kept the knife in the same spot. I heard footsteps behind me.

"I'm sorry Katie" I whispered, and went to plunge the blade into my flesh, when it was torn out of my hand.

"Kendall, what the _HELL_ do you think you are doing!" James shouted. I slid down the wall and I held out the note. He read it, his face going pale.

"Now will you let me die?"

"No. We're going to go and find her"

"But you don't even know where she is"

"No, but you do"

I exited the plane in our old hometown somewhere in Minnesota and immediately ran for it, knowing she would have already asked for her old job back. I hadn't brought anything with me. I just went. I ran down the streets of my old neighbourhood and turned the corners to get to the old cafe. It was a dark cafe, because the waitresses and waiters would put on performances. As I walked in I ran straight to the counter.

"Do you have a girl working here named Cami LeBraun?"

"Nah, mate sorry. We do have a girl named Cami Knight though" he told me.

"Can I see her picture?" I asked. He nodded and turned away for a moment, entering what appeared to be an office, and emerged with a picture of Cami.

"That's her, where is she?"

"She's probably in back at the moment, getting ready for her duet with Alan"

"Can I see Alan?"

"Sure, come with me" the guy said. I could see he was bored and was willing to do whatever he had to just to get me out of his hair. I found a guy with tan skin, black hair, wearing a leather jacket, black jeans and bright red converse, and holding a microphone.

"Are you Alan?" I called out. He turned and nodded, I stepped closer, wishing the guys were here with me to help. Instead they were in L.A, and I had to handle this one alone

"Do me a favour; let me take your place in your duet with Cami"

"No way dude, she's hot!"

"Dude, she has a boyfriend"

"Really?" he asked, looking sort of let down

"Yeah, Me. and I really hurt her and I want to make it up to her, so let me take your place"

"You don't even know what we're singing" he told me. _Crap, he has a point_ I hissed in my head,

"What are you singing?"

"Count on you. It's that new song by Jordin sparks" he informed me.

"Perfect, I know that song too well" I smiled, not telling him I was on the track.

"You really wanna do this?"

"Hell yes" I nodded. He sighed and handed me the microphone.

"You're on in thirty seconds Alan" a guy said. Alan led me to the side of the stage where we hid behind the curtain. Cami sat on a stool in centre stage and began the song. I noticed a tear sliding down her cheek, but her voice stayed pure. When it was supposed to be Alan stepping on the stage, I moved from my spot. I began to sing, and another tear fell from her eye. Tears continued to fall. I continued to sing, and she and I finished the song. When the melody ended she pulled me offstage.

"I told you not to come and find me" she whispered.

"I told you not to leave" I said.

"No you didn't"

"But I wish I had asked. What made you think that life would be easier for me without you? Katie stopped me from killing myself this morning because of that note" I told her. Her jaw hung open.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, but you need to let me go, like I need to let you go" she said, her voice breaking slightly.

"I don't want to. I don't care how much it hurts; I would rather hurt with you than be fine without you"

"And I don't want to see you hurt. It kills me to see your scars and know I caused it. Kendall, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be what you need, I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble, I'm sorry that I was ever born. I'm sorry that you fell for me, and I'm sorry that I fell for you. But we need to let each other go. We can find other people, we can move on. We just need to let go. I'm sorry Kendall, but this _is_ goodbye."

I didn't care what she said; I was going to change her mind. I couldn't live without her; I lost her a few streets down and just kept looking for her old house. I finally found her house just after dark. I knocked on the door, seeing lights on inside, and got no answer. I knocked again, still nothing. I called her name and knocked a little harder, and the door moved. I opened it fully to see a knife on the floor about six feet in front of me. There was blood on the blade. Immediately I started to panic. I turned to the right where the kitchen opened into the lounge room. A giant red stain coloured the floor, and it looked wet. A note lay on the table. I stepped over the stain and read the note. My heart snapped in two as I read it.

_To whom it may concern_

_I see no reason to be writing this, but someone may want to know. I can't live alone, and trust me I have tried, but I can't live with Kendall either. I love him with all I have, but I keep hurting him. I won't see him hurt by me again, and the pain of living without him is unbearable. I am sorry, but I am taking the coward's way out. My time is up. I have no purpose clearly, so I will remove myself that way another can take my place. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much. All I want to say is don't grieve for me; I was a lost cause anyway. A waste of space, if you will. And to everyone in my life, I am so sorry._

_Love forever,_

_Camilia Anne LeBraun Knight_

Seeing this, I didn't know what to do. I scoured the house looking for any sign of life, but found nothing. I stood in the driveway hyperventilating, my warm breath visible in the cold night air. I went inside the house where she had last been alive and picked up a picture of her. I held it in front of me and I sat on the couch, crying myself to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

"Kendall?" I heard someone say. I opened my eyes. Standing at the door with a bandage on her hand, and tear marks on her face, was Cami.

"Cami!" I shouted, jumping up from my post on the couch and wrapping my arms around her.

"I thought you were dead!" I shouted.

"Kendall, go home" she paused, something registering with her "and what do you mean you 'thought I was dead'?"  
>"Well, the giant stain on the floor, the bloody knife and the suicide note didn't help" I explained.<p>

"Kendall, I cut my hand making myself some dinner, the red stain is wine from over five years ago, and the suicide note was to get frustrations out. I never intended to use it for real" she explained "Now go home"

"Cami, when I thought you were dead, I was thinking about doing the same thing. And judging by what you wrote in that letter, you would feel the same way. I am not leaving this house without you"

"Kendall-"

"No, Cami. Because if you don't go with me, then I won't go either"

**Cami's POV**

_(Flashback)_

_"I'm sorry Kendall, But this is goodbye" I said quietly but firmly. I turned before he could see the stream of tears that had let themselves go. I left the cafe quickly, running when I got through the door. I knew I had stunned Kendall, and my heart was breaking in two. But I meant what I had said. We were bad for each other and we had to move on. I kept running until I reached my house. My mother left it to me and Sara, as well as everything that was inside it. It had been in the family for years, changing with the generations. I fell through the door and immediately onto the floor onto the red stained carpet. My mom had spilt wine on the floor all over the lounge room, I just cried into one of the stains. I had let everything fall apart. I held in the howls but I still sobbed on the floor, the sound shaking my entire body. I stayed in that spot for hours, the curtains closed, the doors locked. I did the stupidest thing and when I finally sat up I took a pen and a pad of paper. I wasn't serious about it, but the fake suicide note let me get the frustrations out. I didn't mean the parts about killing myself, but the parts about how I felt were almost entirely true. Just before dark fell I pulled myself up and figured I should make some dinner, despite the fact that I wasn't hungry. I took out a knife, a cutting board and some bread. I sliced some bread, and accidentally cut my hand._

_"Dammit" I hissed to myself. I picked up a tea-towel and wrapped it around my hand, grabbing my keys and dropping the knife, running outside into the sun setting on the city. I forgot to lock the door in my haste. _

_(End Flashback)_

"Kendall..." I had no words. I just turned away. He followed me to my old bedroom and gazed at the walls. I hadn't touched the decor in that room since I left. All the pictures of me and Kendall lined the hunter green walls. I sat on the bed and he sat next to me. It was just like old times.

"How can we live without this so easily?" I asked no one in particular.

"We learn what we need to let go of and what we don't" he told me, putting a scarred arm around me. I didn't lean on him like I used to. Instead I just sat there with his arm like a scarf around my shoulders. I didn't know what to do. I stood up again and made a beeline for the bathroom, and he stood outside the door as I closed it. The razor blades were still in the same place we used to keep them, and I picked up a fresh one and held it to my wrist. The cold metal stung as I felt the twinge of pain. I hissed as I felt the blood slide down my arm, but it felt amazing at the same time. I let the blood flow down the sink, shocked that Kendall hadn't busted in by now. As soon as the thought passed through my mind, the door opened. Kendall stood watching me in horror as I slid the blade across one more time. He took the blade from my hand and threw it into the bathtub.

"Kendall, let me go" I hissed in warning as he gripped my arm. If anything, his grip tightened.

"Kendall, let me go or I will hit you" I warned. He took no notice of me. As much as I didn't want to, it was my only option. I swung my leg in a swift motion and felt my foot collide with the area between his legs. He released my arm instantly and I took the gauze that was in his hand.

"I warned you, I'm sorry, I didn't want to do either of those things" I whispered and I left the bathroom, wrapping a piece of gauze around my wrist. I locked myself in my mother's old room where he constantly knocked on the door, saying things I didn't pay attention to. Until one little thing caught my attention.

"Cami, will you marry me?" he asked. I stood, opened the door, and slapped him across the face.

"Why?" he said simply, even though I hadn't said a word.

"Kendall, I'm nineteen, I won't marry you. I love you, I care about you, but I won't marry you."

"Then why slap me?"

"Because you just don't get it"

"No Cami, I get it. you're scared that you're going to hurt yourself again, you're scared that you're going to get me hurt again and you're scared that everything can go wrong in the blink of an eye. What you don't get is that I am scared of all of those things, just like you are, but I don't let them get in the way of what I really want. I was always told to fight for what you want. And what I want is for you to come with me back to L.A. because I'm not giving up this fight" as soon as he finished speaking his phone rang in his pocket. He never took his eyes off me, he just answered it.

"Hello?"

**Kendall's POV **

"Hello?"

_"Kendall, we have a gig tonight and you need to get back here ASAP_." James said quickly.

"Fine" I said dismally. I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket.

"Kendall" she began "Go home. I need to think. Just go, please. I promise I won't hurt myself" I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't kidding, and I turned away from her. I wished I hadn't done so, but I did. I left for the plane to L.A, tears on my face the entire time.

**Cami's POV **

As he left, I wanted to go with him. At the same time I wanted to stay where I was. Stupidly enough, the latter was my choice. I watched him walk away broken. I sat on the bed in my room, staring at the various pictures in my room that featured the two of us. On the far wall I saw my favourite picture. I remember it like it was yesterday. My sister had been on her way to a friend's place and had dropped me at the park on the way. He had happened to be there and found me, before Sara left she took out our camera and told us to act like we were the best of friends, like we had been at the time. And he did, he put his arms around me and pressed his lips to the side of my head, his eyes on the camera. I was laughing the whole time. That moment was immortalised in picture form. My phone began to ring beside me, jerking me out of my thoughts. It was about three in the morning, I guess Kendall knew I wasn't going to be sleeping tonight. I didn't answer the phone; I let it go to voice mail. When I was tired of the curiosity, I checked it.

"_Cami, I want you to know I'm really sorry for anything I've ever done that could possibly have hurt you, and that I wish that this was right again, no matter what. But, if you don't I respect that. I've left a ticket for you at the gate of the arena. If I see you there, that means you want to make things right. If I don't...i guess I'll have to move on." _I heard him breathe in shakily and continue _"I'm sorry, again. I don't want to pressure you. See you again I hope"_ and the message ended. I sat and pondered my options. Would I be able to handle it if I went on without him?

**Kendall's POV **

**The next night**

Standing behind the curtain, Gustavo was running through the songs we would be performing and I was peering at the crowd.

"Anything?" I asked.

"Sorry man" James said regretfully. I felt like I could break, but I held myself together. I stepped onto the stage with the guys, the music blaring through the speakers. I began to sing and I stared through the crowd, praying I had missed something. I bright blue streak caught my eyes, but it wasn't her. It was Sara. Kayla sat on her shoulders. I smiled for the sake of making the fans think I was fine. I kept singing but I didn't feel anything...until that song began.

"_Every day I see that picture of you smiling, I remember I took it with great timing..."_ I sang her song like it would bring her back. Intermission rolled around quickly. People went to get drinks and stuff like that, and we ran backstage to get changed and any other things that usually came with it. I pulled my shirt off and peered at the old scar that flawed my stomach. I remembered what she had said when I got it.

_(Flashback)_

_"Kendall, I'm in too deep. People keep telling me that. But the thing is, I know it, and I don't want it any other way." She told me. The tears had fallen and were stuck on her lips. I wiped them away with my thumb, putting my hand on the side of her face_

_(End Flashback)_

I wished things were still that way. I pulled my other shirt on, ran a comb through my damp hair quickly, and turned towards the stage. I finished the concert, pooling all the energy I had to get through it. When the music pumped through me I used to feel some sort of thrill, now I felt nothing. I almost collapsed in a heap when the concert ended, but instead I just left, heading straight for my car. I had made a promise that I couldn't keep. I knew I wouldn't be able to move on from her like I said that I would. I knew as soon as I had said it. I knew every single promise I had made about leaving her to be her own person was I lie. I refused to take over her life, but I didn't want to be excluded from her life either. I thought about this and rested my head on the steering wheel when I pulled up to a red light. I wasn't going to be able to move on, but I couldn't keep pestering her, so what could I do?


	20. Chapter 20

**Cami's POV**

I knew it was going to hurt him, but I needed to get my life back on track before I made a decision. His phone was off when I tried to call him and explain that, so he wouldn't know until he checked his voicemail, and knowing Kendall, that was something he rarely checked, like me with my e-mail nowadays. When my phone rang I was almost ecstatic, but that was when I saw the caller I.D.

"What do you want Logan?" I said, deflating as his name rolled off my tongue.

"You need to get to L.A."

"Why? What could I possibly need to get to L.A for?"

"Kendall"

"What about him?" this was going nowhere fast.

"He needs your help"

"Logan, Explain" I told him "from the beginning"

"Well, Kendall was really hoping to see you at the concert tonight and he couldn't find you in the crowd or anywhere back stage, so he followed us back to the apartment behind the limo in his car, but when he got there he wasn't there for long, he actually left with a duffel bag full of what we assume was clothes and a water bottle. He didn't say anything, he just left. His car is gone, and we haven't seen him anywhere" Logan informed me.

"So he's run away?"

"Yeah." He said dismally. I felt it as I started sinking in on myself.

"I'm calling him"

"Good idea" he said quickly, and I hung up the phone. I felt my fingers glide to speed dial 1. Immediately the phone was sent to voicemail. I continued to call him. I called and called until he finally answered.

"Hello?" he said, I could hear the irritation in his voice.

"Kendall what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I think I'm running for it. I can't keep going without you, and you don't want to come back to L.A, which I respect, but I can't do it. And so I'm doing what you do. I'm running to stay away from the pain"

"Kendall, you know where I live, so if you aren't here by lunch tomorrow I won't even consider coming back" I told him.

"I'm at the airport now" he said. The line went dead. I knew he would come; he wasn't game enough to risk not coming.

The door opened at about 7 am the next morning. Kendall walked in to see me sitting on the floor playing with a little diamond ring that used to belong to my Nan. I found it under a loose floorboard in the study. I had heard something ping against the nail, so I ripped the board up and found it. Kendall sat next to me.

"So what made you think that running away works?" I said quietly.

"Because it seems to work so well for you"

"Kendall, running away doesn't work for me. It's just what I do."

"Why?"

"I don't know why. Kendall, I really wanted to be at that concert last night, but I couldn't. Now I know if I had gone I would have saved myself a lot of trouble. Kendall, I want to go back to L.A. I miss being there, honestly. It's the constant tragedies and dramas...it drives me insane"

"Well, come back and we can avoid them. Because this right here," he drew an imaginary circle around himself on the floor with his hands "is a massive drama in itself." I nodded and stood up.

"I know, and I wish with all I have that I hadn't done it sometimes." I sighed.

"Well make it right, come back with me, because I am getting freaking _tired_ of the constant plane trips" he smiled slightly in spite of the situation.

"I don't know if I can. I have a job here; I have friends who just found me again"

"They can let go, I can't, and jobs come and go"

"Kendall, you're asking me to give up my friends and my only source of income"

"But it's so you're life is better. I don't want you to have to sing for your food. I want to be able to keep you safe. I want to be able to protect you when something happens"

"I know, but it makes me feel like I have to depend on you for every little thing and I really don't want to do that" I said quietly, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

"Well you won't be, because I promise everything will be okay. Just please, please come back with me."

"Swear nothing bad will ever happen to you?"

"Nothing in my control" he smiled, being the realist I love him for being.

"That was implied" I smiled back. I put the ring in my hand on my right ring finger and I stood up. I wasn't about to lose that ring again. I wasn't about to lose Kendall again either.

"Then I guess I should get my stuff" I smiled at him.

The plane trip was the usual, horrible food, irritating personal space invasion and all that crap. He was next to me though. It made it bearable. I was scared to find out how the others had taken my disappearance. I had been too focussed on Kendall. Like usual. As soon as we got off the plane I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. A bit like I had swallowed a brick.

"Kendall, I'm not so sure about this" I whispered.

"You'll be alright, I promise" he whispered back. I reluctantly moved forward, my hand in his.

"Cami!" I heard someone shout across the airport, small arms crushed my shoulders as Katie launched from two feet away from me. I barely kept my balance.

"Katie, hey, how did you get here?"

"James made Logan drive us" she smiled simply. Logan walked over with a giant pink stain on his shirt.

"A fruit smoothie to the face is not a very good persuasive technique, Katie" Logan grimaced.

"And you couldn't have changed your shirt?"

"Nope, they wouldn't let me" Logan chuckled slightly. I stepped forward and hugged him; he was one of my best friends. James walked up behind me and wrapped me in a group hug.

"What, no Carlos?"

"Nah, he's with his girlfriend, we didn't want to interrupt their date" Katie laughed, clinging to my shoulders. When we released each other we left the airport floor and headed towards the car, the bad feeling still lingered in my stomach. I tried my best to ignore it. I dumped my bag in the trunk of the car and climbed into the back seat with Kendall and Katie. We were laughing about what had happened in the brief week or so that I had been gone for. Sure enough my bad luck decided to bite me in the butt. A ute ran a stop light and smashed into the side of our car. Everything started to move in slow motion. The pain of the roof caving in on us was unbearable. The car rolled and all I could hear was screaming and grinding metal. Kendall pushed me and Katie into the middle of the car, trying to protect us with his own body. I put my arms around Katie in an attempt to protect her further, but my brain shut my body down and I blacked out.

**James's POV**

The ute had not seen the red light and ploughed into the side of the car, rolling us at a speed you would think no one could survive. I shouted and heard screaming all around. I felt the glass of my window shatter, and the roof caved in over my head. I couldn't move, and I let the blackness take away the pain.

**Logan's POV**

I heard James shout next to me, but I couldn't move to get closer to him. The loudest scream came from Katie, who was on the opposite side of the car. Her side of the car hit the asphalt first, and sadly it was the same side I was on. Blood coloured the seats and splattered absolutely everywhere, making me feel really sick to my stomach. I blacked out from the sight and the pain of the metal digging into my flesh.

**Katie's POV**

The ground came flying towards my window and I let loose a massive scream. It hurt my lungs to make a noise that loud. Kendall pulled me towards the middle of the car and I felt four arms wrap around me, two of them being Cami's, who was sitting in the middle of the back seat of the car, Kendall being on the side that the ute had collided with. I could feel warm liquid coming from her arm. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see what was happening. I felt the asphalt over our heads and slid in my seat, colliding with the roof. The black took me instantly.

**Kendall's POV**

My first instinct was to protect the others, but I could only reach Cami and Katie, so I pulled them towards me. The glass shattered and rained over us, the metal grinding around our bodies as the car rolled and rolled down the street. Nothing existed outside the screams and terror of the car. The scent of fresh blood was everywhere. Pain enveloped my entire body and I let loose a loud, guttural scream, choked up by blood. I knew this was it. Black clouded my vision, I fought against it. But I wasn't strong enough and regrettably I lost the battle with it

**Cami's POV**

When I finally opened my eyes, pain ran through my entire body, I saw the blood pouring from my shoulder and over my face, I figured I must have cut somewhere along my hairline too, a dull pain ached in my ankle. No one had gone without injury, Logan had his right arm bent at a sickening angle, the red substance seen everywhere was cascading from his nose and across his torso. Katie was clearly going to need stitches on her legs and her ankle was bent in a way similar to Logan's arm. James was covered in cuts from the glass and his eyes were closed, as were everyone else's, but his chest was rising and falling. I breathed a laboured sigh of relief. But Kendall wasn't moving. His face was coated with blood, his body slumped forwards in the seat, and he wasn't breathing. I couldn't see movement from him anywhere. I tried to move my right arm and open the door, but the door was jammed shut and my left arm was stuck in the mangled steel roof.

"Ahh, Shit!" I hissed. I was stuck. I heard sirens outside the car and I peered out of the severely damaged window to see ambulances, police and a very deformed ute. The door in front of me was pried open and James was pulled out, I was freed soon after. The pain that echoed from the touch of the paramedic made me want to scream, but I couldn't. Kendall's lifeless body lay before us, and I was crying. I knew something bad was going to happen. I knew that I was going to make something horrible happen. We had lost a brother. We had lost a friend. An injured Logan was pulled from the wreck and his eyes were open. He saw Kendall lying on the pavement; the electricity was jolting his body, causing it to arc up from the pavement. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Everything else was a blur. I couldn't lose him this way, but I couldn't move without unbearable pain. I wished I had the ability to ignore this pain and just run to him. My brain shut me down again. Took me away from the pain. I felt the blackness creeping. I couldn't fight it.


	21. Chapter 21

"Cami, Can you hear me?"A small voice whispered. I couldn't recognize who it was; all I could tell is that it was a girl. I slowly opened my eyes to a dark room.

"The lights are off, you're fine" the person beside me explained.

"Sara? Is that you?"  
>"Yeah kiddo, how are you feeling?"<p>

"..." I had to think "empty"

"What do you mean?" she asked me.

"He wouldn't wake up. He's gone isn't he?" I whispered.

"Cami, we'll talk about this later" Sara said quietly but firmly.

"Camilia, good to see you're awake" a doctor said as he walked through the door.

"How long have I been out for?"

"About a week, kiddo" Sara piped up again.

"So how do you feel?" the doctor asked me.

"Sore, tired and empty"

"Okay, nothing too unusual there"

"Doc, we know what I want to know, so just tell me. Is everyone else okay?"

"Well, Mr Mitchell is alright, he has a broken arm and a number of cuts which required stitches, Mr Diamond somehow got by miraculously unharmed besides the numerous scratches and minor impact on his head. Miss Knight has a broken ankle and a few stitches with some severe bruising. I'm afraid the worst was Mr Knight, he had internal bleeding, a rather large stitch on his back from glass shattering behind him, severe head trauma that won't leave any damage, and a bruised collar bone"

"But he's alive, right?"

"He lost a tremendous amount of blood, but he's okay. He's in a medically induced coma because he was stressing out. He somehow wasn't left unconscious for as long as he should have been. He was insisting on injuring himself further to make sure you and the others were okay" the doctor continued to inform me. Sara grimaced at all of the news. I felt tears of pain, relief and sorrow slipping down my cheeks. At least they would survive.

"You, on the other hand, had minor internal bleeding which has been fixed, a number of stitches, a torn bicep, and a cracked shoulder blade and something else... You will be fine though" he told me. This was a lot of information to take in.

"Can you wake Kendall up?"

"We have begun the process of waking him up, but he won't be out of it until tomorrow"

"Can I see the others?"

"Most of them are sleeping" he said through his teeth.

"I don't care" I muttered. I climbed out of bed and was so glad that I was wearing proper pyjamas. My entire body ached but I was alright.

"If you're this determined, get into a wheelchair and I'll take you" Sara told me. I sat in a wheelchair, grunting slightly as I accidentally hit my shoulder. She pushed me into a bright room and I saw two beds in there. Logan was on one, James was on the other. They were both awake. That doctor was a liar. The door creaked shut behind me and Sara. I began to push myself in the wheelchair. I knew it wasn't good for my shoulder but I hated not being able to do anything. James had been fidgeting with a small stitch across his hairline that was almost unnoticeable. As soon as I entered the room he seemed to completely forget about it.

"Cami!" Logan and James smiled in unison.

"Hey guys" I smiled weakly "what's up?"

"Clearly the cost of repairs on my car" Logan grimaced jokingly "how you feeling?"

"stressed, exhausted and sore. What about you?"

"about the same" James chuckled

"sick of hearing James whinge about how he'll have a scar, might I add"

"Shut up!" James said in a joking way. I smiled. I was glad that their personalities hadn't been affected by the accident.

"So have you two seen Katie or Kendall?" I asked quickly.

"Yeah, Katie's fine, she's just in a lot of pain like you'd expect. Kendall had to be put into a coma because he was panicking about you. He even has more scars on his arms because of it"

"Whoa, James, ix-nay on the ars-scay" Logan hissed.

"He what!" my stomach dropped. I didn't care if I was weak, injured or even if I was dying, I stood up and I ran through the hospital, checking each room as I went by it until I found his room. I saw his almost lifeless form asleep in the bed, and lo how I wanted to slap him for being so stupid. The scars on his wrist were like bright neon signs yelling 'look what I did to myself!' a bandage mark had been imprinted on his arm. They had clearly taken the bandage off to let it breathe. I didn't notice a wincing Katie in the room until I couldn't hold back the anger anymore. I didn't care if he could feel it or not, I slapped him. Right across the face.

"Cami! What did you do that for!" Katie shrieked in shock and pain.

"Because according to James and Logan, plus these fresh cuts on his arm, you're brother overreacted to my situation" I said calmly. The tears wanted to spill, but the slight rage I felt held them back. Katie winced as she shifted in her bed.

"Are you alright?" I asked her quietly.

"I'm fine; the question is, are you alright?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Because you went through a lot. You ran because you thought all of this was your fault, and now you come back and it hits the both of you in the face. Kendall thought it was his fault" she told me.

"Well it's not his fault. It never could be his fault. He can't do anything wrong except for hurt himself over me" I shook my head. I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with a fourteen year old. A doctor entered the room.

"Camilia, you should be in a wheelchair. We don't want you to aggravate your ankle any further" she said simply.

"I never hurt my ankle?" I said, the words coming out as more of a question.

"You bruised the bone, you shouldn't be standing for too long" she told me. How was I not told this before? She didn't notice the red mark I had left on Kendall's cheek.

"He's responding faster than we thought he would. He may be awake earlier than expected" she said, peering at a few of the machines around him. Looking at his motionless body I could hear the screams. I remembered the fear, saw the blood vividly. It made me want to fall down on the floor and start to scream and cry. But I didn't. Not with Katie there. Not with this bitchy doctor there. I held back my pain.

I was in my room when he woke. The pains in my body were becoming more apparent, and it was even more agonizing to walk, so I happily complied with the wheelchair rule. Because I had run through the hospital to find Kendall's room my foot had swollen up and I needed to ice it to reduce the size. The nurse had bound an ice pack to my ankle with a bandage and lord it was painful. When I had gotten the news that he was awake, I fumbled with the rail on the side of the bed and I clambered over it, being unable to lower it. I pushed the wheelchair as fast as I could make it go until I was at the door of his room. I wasn't sure I wanted to see him, but I slapped myself mentally for thinking that. _Of course you want to see him, he's your everything!_ I yelled at myself. I entered and he saw me in the wheelchair. I could see his stomach drop in fear by the look on his face.

"I bruised a bone in my ankle and then ran on it" I explained "it kinda swells up when you do that." He nodded at me soundlessly. I could see guilt in his eyes as he tried to hide his arm from me.

"I heard and I slapped you for it while you were sleeping" I informed him, climbing from the chair to his bed, which the rails happened to be lowered on. He put his arms around me and held me close.

"I thought I lost you" he whispered hoarsely. I had been told he had screamed a lot when he was told I might not make it through the first week.

"You know me, I'm a fighter. I wouldn't give up so easily" I said quietly. I kissed his cheek where I had accidentally bruised it.

"That really stings" he said quietly.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it" I whispered into his ear. Katie coughed loudly from her bed.

"I get it!" I laughed at her half-heartedly. She smiled to herself.

"I don't" Kendall smiled, pulling my lips to his. I smiled and happily returned the kiss. Katie gagged. We had the same thought: _try and make her spew_. He deepened the kiss and I let him. We spent the whole time trying not to laugh, and to hold our breath. A deeper cough came from the door and we were pulled apart. I turned my head to see the familiar face of James.

"Do you mind? It was just getting good" Kendall complained.

"Well, you may say that, but I think your sister may say differently" he laughed. We looked at Katie, who was clearly moments away from spilling the contents of her stomach.

"Sorry Katie!" I smiled apologetically. She gave me the thumbs up, and then leaned over the side of her bed to give her half digested breakfast to the trash can by her bed.

"Who knew?" I heard Kendall laugh "Katie has a weak stomach" I smiled as James carefully placed me on the end of the bed.

"So where's Logan?" I asked him.

"I don't know, I thought he was in here with you guys" he told us.

"I thought he was still in bed" I said. James shook his head. Katie frowned thoughtfully. _What would be the only other place Logan could be?_ It hit me like a ton of bricks. Logan had been driving the car...

"Oh SHIT!" I shouted. I clambered off the end of my bed and took off running, despite the stabbing pain in my left ankle. I ran through the hospital to one of the bathrooms near Logan's room and searched through them, one by one. When I reached a bathroom on the left side of his room, two corridors over, I found him standing there, holding the knife to the bare skin of his non-broken arm.

"Logan, I know what you're going to do, but just because Kendall and I have done it doesn't make it okay for you to try" I said, approaching him carefully. I know Logan would never use the knife on me, but I was still wary of the thing.

"It's all my fault" he said quietly. He pressed the blade to his skin, but not hard enough to draw blood.

"Logan, if you cut your wrist right now, I am going to tackle you. I don't want to have to do that" I warned. He looked at me with an expression that was almost pitiful. It was like he was lost.

"Why shouldn't I? Huh? You and Kendall have both done it several times. Even look at your own wrists! _You_ tried to commit suicide! So why can't I do this!" he snapped sorrowfully. His voice wasn't as spiteful as it was pleading.

"Logan, I bruised Kendall because he did that, and we're helping each other to fix it. If I do it again, I'm going to get mental help. You can walk away from it now. You don't have to go down this road" my voice was pleading. I heard the door creak quietly behind me, but I wasn't going to take my eyes off of Logan, he was my best friend and I wasn't going to let him do this to himself. I stretched out my arm cautiously, offering to take the knife from him. His knuckles went a shade of white, gripping it tighter for a moment, and then he relinquished the blade. I took it carefully and folded the blade into the handle, pushing it into my bra strap. Only Kendall was game enough to venture there for something. Logan fell to the floor, tears falling down his face.

"It's alright Logan. I know why you wanted to do this. But it wasn't your fault. It was the ute driver's fault. We had the green light; he was supposed to have been on a red light for a moment by then." I was trying to soothe him with the facts, but I don't know why. Facts were useful, but not in this particular case. Logan cried into my shoulder. James kneeled in front of us; the look on his face was confused. I made a movement similar to a knife across my wrist, and he nodded, rubbing Logan's arm gently.

"It's fine buddy, it wasn't your fault" James tried to soothe him.

"But-"

"Nope, no buts. Everyone is going to be fine, it will all blow over. You have no responsibility over this" I told him, stopping him before he could start. He didn't have a comeback for that. I smiled slightly as we stood up, but instantly stumbled and I yelped with pain.

"Shit, I really did a number on this one" I hissed. Logan stared at me inquisitively.

"She bruised the bone, wasn't supposed to run on it in case it breaks" James informed him as I nodded. James took one of my arms and put it over his shoulder, and Logan took the other, doing the same. They helped me limp out of the bathroom with tears on mine and Logan's faces. We got a few dirty looks from people passing by. I can understand why, two boys and a crying girl coming out of a men's bathroom instantly gives people bad thoughts. We all met up in Kendall's room, seeing as he wasn't allowed out of bed for two days. We were lucky to be allowed to wander around the hospital. I think I was the only one that didn't have another person in my room. Anyway, the guys carefully lowered me into my wheelchair and the tears of pain finally subsided. Logan's however, sparked because of the sight of me in pain. He still thought it was his fault. We continued to tell him that it wasn't, but I knew deep inside that he would never believe us. Even if it was true. Kendall seemed hurt just to see me in pain. We all wanted to have a swing at Logan, just to try and knock some sense into him. We never would, but we thought about it. Carlos was a regular visitor though. He never did much though, just made us laugh with his random ideas and the constant helmet-wearing, if that makes any sense. Kendall rarely left my room when he was finally freed from bed arrest. We would both squish onto the hospital bed, which seemed to have been designed specifically so that only one person could fit so nothing would happen in the hospital, if you catch my drift. We thought it was sort of funny that a hospital would be paranoid about something that would get them more patients in the long run (nine months to be exact) and therefore more money. Good thing we weren't doing anything like that though. We would just sit and talk, glad that we still had one another instead of somehow losing the other in the crash like we originally thought we had.

**Kendall's POV**

Lying in that hospital bed and not knowing if she would wake up had been the ultimate torture. I was glad to have her sitting there with me. I remember when the doctors told me.

_(Flashback)_

_"Mr Knight," the doctor began "I'm sorry. The damage done was rather extensive and...She'll be lucky to wake up. She mightn't make it through the week."_

_"Please tell me you're not serious" I had shouted. I don't know why, but it seemed like if I was loud enough, someone would fix everything. She wouldn't have felt like she needed to run, she wouldn't have gotten hurt, if it would save her then I would wish she had never met me. If it would save her life, I would wish anything._

_"I'm sorry Mr Knight. We will give you constant updates" he informed me as I stayed frozen in my place; a look of horror crossed my face. I didn't know where else to turn, all I knew was more physical pain would take away the emotional pain. I snuck into the bathroom at close to midnight and found the razor in my bag. The comforting gleam of the steel in the fluorescent lights was alluring. The sting I felt on my skin was almost non-existent as blood poured from my wrist. I thought of losing her, and another cut was added. I thought of how this had happened when I promised it wouldn't, and another cut was added. The blood comforted me. I don't know how, but it did. I used a towel in the room to stem the flow, as much as I didn't want to, and I hid my arm. I carefully and painfully made my way back to the hospital bed and I fell asleep. I didn't wake up for a week._

_(End Flashback)_

Her light breathing was a comfort to me. The scars on my arm tingled as I thought about what I had done. I couldn't believe Logan was blaming himself for what had happened to us. The pain he felt was equal to what I felt, if not less. I had promised Cami that nothing would ever happen to her or me if she came back, then within thirty minutes of the plane landing I had died and been resuscitated twice. At least I was okay now, and at least she was too. I wouldn't have been able to go on if she had died. Especially after promising something like that. She was asleep in my arms on the small bed. Her light breathing was like a melody. I smiled as she carefully rolled over and huddled into my bruised chest. I didn't care if it hurt, it was Cami. She opened her eyes slowly.

"What time is it?" she asked sleepily. I peered at the clock in the darkness of the room.

"About 1 a.m." I told her quietly.

"I'm shocked they haven't made you leave"

"They tried" I smiled. My shirt had moved slightly when she rolled over, exposing the grizzly scar on my stomach. Her cold fingers gently ran over it.

"I still feel stupid for not waking up. If I had woken up I could have stopped that" she said, looking me in the eye. I knew she meant she would have put herself in front of me.

"No, you have enough scars as it is" I whispered. An alarm suddenly blared through the hospital. A voice echoed over the speaker.

"Sorry! I sat on the button!" a familiar voice said apologetically.

"Trust Carlos to wake an entire hospital by sitting on a button" I laughed.

"There's gonna be some unhappy patients tomorrow. How did he even get in the room where the buttons are?" she smiled.

"I have no idea. Then again, it is Carlos" I smiled. She nodded in agreement.


End file.
